Mosaic Broken Hearts
by dd.01
Summary: Bella has spent her whole life in Forks with her family and has been dating Paul for over a year. What happens when he makes the change and refuses contact with her? She gets a call from an agent in Nashville and has to relocate for her dream. She returns, scarred physically and emotionally to finish school. Will he imprint? A lot has changed in two short years. M for lang
1. What Else Can I Do

**Title: Mosaic Broken Hearts**

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><p><strong>Full Summary: Bella has spent her whole life in Forks with her dad and three brothers. She is dating Paul and couldn't be happier until one day Paul goes through the change and won't have any contact with her. When a label from Nashville calls Bella and asks her to move her life for her dream, she agrees, thinking her and Paul are over. In Nashville Bella encounters a new school, a new job, new relationships, a handsome Cullen, and even wolves. Bella returns to Forks many times during her record production due to tragic death and life-threatening injuries. What happens when Paul sees her again? Will he imprint? A lot has changed when Bella returns for good to finish school just a short two years later.<strong>

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><p><strong>Family Relations:<strong>

Swan Family= Bella, Jaxon, Isaac, Tucker, Charlie

Lahote Family= Paul, Claire, Laura, Pam (mom)

Black Family= Jake, Rachel, Billy

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: I do not own any Twilight character or scene that you recognize. I also do not own ANY of the songs I use in this story. I will periodically change the lyrics and will note this change with an asterisk* and explain the change at the end of the chapter.<strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter One: What Else Can I Do<strong>

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><p><strong>Bell POV<strong>

Life has a funny way of surprising you. Sneaking up on you, doing a 180, dropping you through a secret door…I've always believed these things were good…that they helped you grow as a person and took your life in the direction it was meant to go in. I never say never…anything can happen.

I'm not so sure anymore.

I know I'm young…about to finish my first semester of grade ten. What do girls my age really know about life? Not a lot… the basics really. I know right from wrong, I know my religious beliefs and my moral compass. I know how to cook and clean…how to follow directions. And I know how I feel. Unfortunately…that's what got me into this mess.

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><p>"<em>I can't believe I just did that… oh my god…" I whispered to my computer screen. I watched as the message went from sent to read and I held my breath. Why did I just do that? Why…why would I ever tell a guy I like him through Facebook… I saw him start to type back and I closed my eyes. I just couldn't help it. We've been flirting back and forth for forever now…we have the same friends…hang out every single day… and it just came over me. I needed to get it off my chest. But now? I was gearing up to start high school in a month and here I go and make things even more awkward.<em>

_I'm currently sitting in my room in Franklin, Tennessee, visiting my mom and Phil for a few weeks at the end of summer vacation. I spend the majority of my year with my dad in Forks but there are a few weeks of the year over Christmas and summer vacation that I come to Tennessee. My mom and Phil live here because Phil is an engineer and is stationed here. I heard the message bing onto my computer and kept my eyes closed. I took a deep, slow breath and opened my eyes. And there it was…plain as day…_

"_I like you too. :D"_

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><p>I smiled, remembering how I had felt in that moment. It had been incredible… everything had come together so beautifully. That was August 5th and I had returned to Forks August 20th.<p>

Of course that led to a relationship that apparently everyone had seen coming…except us. Which is generally the way it works, isn't it? All the friends and parents can see it and the lovebirds are blind to it all. I was quite surprised given our age difference…he was fifteen and I was thirteen but when you hang out all the time that seems to fade into the background. Of course that sounds young…but we both have a late birthday in December. So I was almost fourteen. It had started out so innocent…just holding hands and hugs…which grew as we did. The relationship as a whole was rough…but what relationship doesn't have ups and downs? It wasn't always easy and it wasn't always fair but we always stayed true to who we were and how we felt. It was magical…completely crazy insane…and that's why it was beautiful. We grew separately…and yet together. That's why every touch…every kiss…every word was stuck in my head.

I had switched to school on the res in grade school and had continued through high school so I could be with my friends. There were quite a few of us that had hung out. Myself, my twin brother Isaac, Leah, Jake, Quil, and Claire are all the same age, now sixteen, Isaac and I had our birthdays a few days ago on December 11th,. Everyone calls us the babies because we are the last to catch up to our friends and it happens so late in the year.

We are also friends with Embry, who is a year older than us and currently in grade eleven. Then there is Paul, Jared, and Rachel who are all two years older and in grade twelve. And then there is Sam, Laura, and my oldest brother Jaxon who are already graduated. Paul and Jared hang out with Jax though which is why the ages mesh together so well.

I could never forget my little one. My baby brother Tucker, who is thirteen right now and in grade eight. He's my little man. Twins have an unbreakable bond…and there is a special relationship between older brother/younger sister…but Tuck and I have a special relationship too. He's closer to me than our brothers.

I looked to the family portrait on the wall in my room and smiled. There was my dad, Jax, Isaac, Tuck, and myself, all smiling beautifully for the camera. It was a tradition to get these done every year and I had them all up on my wall. See, Isaac and I are the children of Renee and Charlie, Jaxon is the son of Charlie and a woman my dad used to date. She was a Quileute woman he went to school with before he met my mom. She had died giving birth to him. Tuck was the love child of a fling my dad had with a woman after he and my mom split. She didn't want the baby, but my dad did. She agreed to keep the pregnancy as long as she could give him full custody and he wouldn't ask her for anything. Being the loving man my dad is…he agreed. A lot of people don't know that that's how it went down…but I do. And I love him more for it. That's also why Tuck and I are so close. He never had a mom…and I'm the maternal figure in his life. I sighed hearing Tuck and Isaac fighting over the PS3 downstairs. I turned my head to my nightstand and saw the picture of us. The last thing I see before I close my eyes at night and the first thing I see when I open them in the morning. _Him._

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><p>"<em>Sorry sweetie, he isn't feeling very well today. I think it's just the flu though so I'll get him to call you later, alright?" I thanked Pam and hung up the phone. His mom was so sweet…I really liked her. She was very involved and loving, accepted me as part of the family from long ago. I sighed and went up to my room. I couldn't keep the smile from my face even if I didn't get to talk to him today. I'm totally love struck. It's only been a few weeks since we…you know. He had been so patient with me…I know I'm not his first…but he was mine. And he made it so special for me. <em>

_Our relationship hasn't always been so amazing…but there were a few key moments for me. _

_3 – when we confessed our feelings for each other._

_2 – our first time._

_1 – the first and only time he told me he loved me._

_I know…it's odd to hear. Dating for almost one year and four months…you'd think the word love would have come around more than once. But not with him…you see…he doesn't come from the most loving household. It's just him, his mom, and his two sisters. His dad took off years ago. Truth be told…he's afraid. He doesn't want to end up like his parents…and so he hides in himself. That's why he comes off like such a dick most days but…I know the real him. He only brings out the true him for his family and I…and that's something I cherish more than any "I love you"...almost. I'll always hold the one he did give me close to my heart._

_It's Saturday and I had spent the day with Isaac and Jax in Port Angeles window-shopping for gift ideas for our birthdays. We got home about an hour ago and Jax left to his friend Sam's place and Dad and Tuck were at a karate tournament. It's something they do together. I now sit in my room bored, thinking about today. The whole day I'd had many things on my mind. _

_Love…doubt…insecurities…perfection…and him. So I decided to whip out my guitar. No one was home except Isaac…and he's used to it. I began scribbling furiously in my songbook and didn't stop until the words were just perfect. As perfect as he is. I smiled to my finished product a few hours later and played it once through, happiness and love filling my heart._

"_I'm walking fast through the traffic lights / Busy streets and busy lives / And all we know / Is touch and go / We are alone with our changing minds / We fall in love 'til it hurts or bleeds or fades in time_

_And I never saw you coming / And I'll never be the same_

_You come around and the armor falls / Pierce the room like a cannon boom / Now all we know is don't let go / We are alone, just you and me / Up in your room and our slates are clean / Just twin fire signs / Four brown eyes*_

_So you were never a saint / And I've loved in shades of wrong / We learn to live with the pain / Mosaic broken hearts / But this love is brave and wild_

_And I never saw you coming / And I'll never be the same_

_This is a state of grace / This is the worthwhile fight / Love is a ruthless game / Unless you play it good and right / These are the hands of fate / You're my Achilles heel / This is the golden age of something good and right and real_

_And I never saw you coming / And I'll never be the same_

_And I never saw you coming / And I'll never be the same_

_This is a state of grace / This is the worthwhile fight / Love is a ruthless game_

_/ Unless you play it good and right"_

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><p>I sat here looking at that picture…remembering the song I had written only three short weeks ago. How could so much have changed since then…<p>

"Hey Bells…how're ya feelin?" I looked to the door to see Jax and I shrugged.

"Fine I suppose." He sighed and sat at the foot of my bed, facing me.

"Fine?" He asked with a chuckle. I looked to him. "If this is fine I'd like to know what terrible is." I couldn't help the smirk on my face. I shook my head and hit him with a pillow.

"Don't make me smile when I'm sad!" I told him and he chuckled.

"Sorry." He told me with a smirk.

"So maybe I'm not 'fine'. Maybe…I'm terrible." He shrugged.

"You're entitled." He told me. I sighed again.

"I just…don't understand it. How can things go from being so great…to so horrible…in a matter of two weeks?" He sighed and came to sit beside me.

"Bells…I don't know what to tell you. All I can say is…wait it out. Things will get better…maybe he just needs a bit of space for now. What is a few weeks in relation to a year and…what is it now?"

"Four months." I supplied and he nodded.

"Exactly. Just be patient. Things will turn around." I let him hug me and I sighed into his warm skin. He always knew what to say and how to make me feel better. Not as good as Isaac…but Isaac was more real with me. He had told me this morning: _"Shit happens and shit will always happen. You didn't need him before, you don't need him now, and if things smooth themselves out that's a bonus."_

I had laughed of course…many people would have thought that was a horrid thing to say but really…it was the most thoughtful. He's right…I don't _need_ him. I'm sitting here breathing right now…heart still beating – without him. But…I _want_ him. He makes life better. He's a bonus I never wanted to give up.

Jax gave me a kiss on the temple and left the room, closing the door. I looked to my songbook on the bed in front of me and sighed, flipping to the very next page. How could two entries be any more different… any more heartbreaking?

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><p><em>Here I sat in my room, on the floor against the door, allowing the night to settle into my skin. I could feel the makeup smudged on my cheeks as the wet tears itched my face. I was all dressed up in <em>_a three-quarter sleeved beige, lace dress with an opaque underlay and sweetheart neckline. The sheer lace produced a bateau neckline and it scooped in the back. The dress had a pencil skirt with feathers on hem. It zipped up the back and went to my knee. We had decided to get dressed up for our sweet sixteen. Everyone came in formal wear and it was fun…I had been looking forward to it for more reasons than one._

_This was the night…he had told me. It had felt like so long since I had seen him…heard from him. A few days ago he had gotten fed up I think. I had called his house once again because it had been two and a half weeks since I had called and his mom told me he was sick. I hadn't heard from him since the night before that. This time was similar to all the other times I had called…his mom answered and said he wasn't in or he wasn't feeling well…blah blah blah. But this time he came to the phone._

_He had told me he needed space and that he couldn't explain. But he had told me, clarity in his deep, shaking voice._

"_I'll be there, Red. I won't miss your birthday. I promise."_

_Except now I sit here on my bedroom floor, crying into my hands, my eyeliner and red lipstick smearing as I wiped my face. He never showed. After everyone had left he had called…it was brief and gruff. _

"_I'm sorry I didn't make it." I had inhaled so deep…closed my eyes._

"_Yeah…I'm sorry too." And with that, he hung up without another word._

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><p>I hated it. I hated feeling this way. I looked to the song I had written in the last two days…it spoke to my confusion…and yet…my understanding. I grabbed my guitar and strummed it softly…digging for some kind of answer in my action.<p>

"_You should've been there, / Should've burst through the door, / With that 'baby I'm right here' smile, / And it would've felt like, / A million little shining stars had just aligned, / And I would've been so happy._

_Christmas lights glisten, / I've got my eye on the door, / Just waiting for you to walk in, / But the time is ticking, / People ask me how I've been / As I comb back through my memory, / How you said you'd be here, / You said you'd be here._

_And it was like slow motion, / Standing there in my party dress, / In red lipstick, / With no one to impress, / And they're all laughing, / As I'm looking around the room, / But there's one thing missing, / And that was the moment I knew._

_And the hours pass by, / Now I just wanna be alone, / But your close friends always seem to know / When there's something really wrong, / So they follow me down the hall, / And there in the bathroom, / I try not to fall apart, / And the sinking feeling starts, / As I say hopelessly, / "He said he'd be here."_

_And it was like slow motion, / Standing there in my party dress, / In red lipstick, / With no one to impress, / And they're all laughing, / And asking me about you, / But there was one thing missing, / And that was the moment I knew._

_What do you say / When tears are streaming down your face / In front of everyone you know? / And what do you do when the one / Who means the most to you / Is the one who didn't show?_

_You should've been here. / And I would've been so happy._

_And it was like slow motion, / Standing there in my party dress, / In red lipstick, / With no one to impress, / And they're all standing around me singing / "Happy birthday to you", / But there was one thing missing, / And that was the moment I knew._

_Ooh, I knew. / Ooh,_

_You called me later, / And said, "I'm sorry, I didn't make it," / And I said, "I'm sorry too," / And that was the moment I knew."_

Sitting here in my room I had a huge choice to make and no one else knew it. He had always encouraged me and told me I'd make it one day…told me I wasn't going to be somebody…that I **am** somebody. I always felt important with him. I always felt needed and necessary. Every choice, every action…I always knew he was up for the ride. But now…I had no idea what the future held.

I had gotten a call yesterday. A lovely woman named Deb was on the phone and told me that a scout had listened to a CD I had sent out a while back and a record label wanted to meet with me. They offered to fly me out tomorrow to Nashville.

So here I am, my dream at my fingertips…and I'm not jumping for joy. Why? Because of _him_. How can I just leave without consulting him? Without figuring out where we stand? But how could I not go? I think he'd be happy for me…but who's to say anymore? I'm not even sure we are still together. He wont answer my texts or calls…he's never online… it's like he vanished.

I can't let myself give this up. I need to confirm my flights and tell my family. I'd been waiting to tell them because…well…I'm confused enough as it is without more opinions and suggestions. I put my guitar on my bed and headed downstairs. I went straight to the phone. One last try.

Like always it rang and rang. His mom didn't answer anymore. After 18-20 rings I hung up and walked into the living room.

"Still no answer?" My dad asked from his spot in his recliner. I shook my head and leaned on the back of the couch where Isaac and Tuck were sitting playing their PS3. Jax sat on the floor. He gave me a reassuring smile and I sighed, getting their attention.

"Guys I…I uh…have something to tell you." Isaac paused the game and they all turned to face me, confusion showing on their faces. My dad looked terrified.

"Bella I swear to God. If you say you're pregnant I'm going over there and kicking his ass." I was momentarily shocked before laughing genuinely for the first time in a few weeks. I shook my head.

"Dad, no!" The guys chuckled too but they did look oddly relieved. I sighed and got back on track.

"Yesterday…I got a phone call. It was…a scout. In Nashville. A label wants to meet with me in two days. I'll be flying out tomorrow." They all looked at me in shock until Isaac broke the silence by jumping over the couch and spinning me around.

"Holy fucking fuck!" He yelled and I laughed. He took my face in his hands and smiled.

"I knew you'd get there, B." I looked to the rest of my family who greeted me with hugs and congratulations. They were all very happy for me.

"How long will you be gone, Bella?" My dad asked.

"Well right now they just want to meet up. But if it goes well…I'll be moving there for a bit. He nodded and gave me another hug.

"What are you going to do about Paul?" Jax asked me. My heart ached at his name. My Paul. The guy I love with all my heart…

"What else can I do?" I told him as a tear rolled down my cheek. I've done all I can…I need to go to Nashville.

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><p><strong>There you have it guys! Chapter 1! Just to note, I did change the lyrics to the song State of Grace by Taylor Swift the line reads *"<strong>_**Just twin fire signs / Four blue eyes"* **_**and I changed it to "**_**Just twin fire signs / Four brown eyes*"**_

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it was just introductory to get the story moving. **

**Read and Review!**

**Songs: State of Grace – Taylor Swift**

**The Moment I Knew – Taylor Swift**


	2. Let Her Be Happy

**Chapter Two: Let Her Be Happy**

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><p><strong>Bella POV<strong>

That's how I got here…standing in the airport saying goodbye to my family. I'd already said goodbye to my friends. They were sad to see me go…but they were supportive. They hadn't had any contact with Paul since he started acting so strange and told me the basic reassuring things. _"He's a tool." "It's his loss." _Etc. It wasn't necessary…but I appreciated the effort.

Leah and Claire took it hardest of all my friends. I've never been so close with two people I'm not related to. These girls…have been my everything since I was just 3 years old. We've known each other all our lives and now we'd be apart for the first time…non-temporarily. It was a little awkward to say goodbye to Claire…I felt really bad about not telling her the news sooner but I had my reasons. She's Paul's younger sister. I didn't want this to be the reason Paul contacted me…so I didn't want him to know.

She's been really upset about Paul letting things fall apart between us but she's just as confused as I am. She said he hasn't been home much. Her mom acts like everything is normal but everything is so upside down. I had met up with the girls early this morning to tell them the news and say goodbye. There were many tears shed…but I promised I'd be back again soon, even if the meeting with the label went well.

"I'm gonna miss you B." Isaac said as he hugged me. Isaac is the one person in this whole world that I've never been apart from…ever. We're twins… we just don't do things without one another. Weeks in Franklin, trips, school, friends…we do everything together. I pulled back and felt the tears prick at my eyes as I stared back at his identical brown ones.

"Don't even." I whispered as I threw myself back into his embrace. I never thought it would be this hard…

"Hey now…we'll talk all the time. I'll even come visit if you stay there long term." He told me and I nodded against his shoulder. "Go make me proud Isabella." He whispered and I gave him one last tight squeeze before turning to Jaxon. He pulled me in for a hug and rubbed his warm hand on my back.

"Ugh. I'm going to miss this." I told him as he pulled back, giving me an odd look.

"You're just so warm. You're like a heated security blanket." I told him and he chuckled pulling me close again.

"One more for good luck then." He told me and pulled back with a wink. "Now be careful, stay safe. I don't want to have to come down there." He said with a smirk and I smiled back. He was one of those tough guys…you know. Gruff like my dad. Didn't say much when it came to how he felt but it was all right there in the eyes that mirrored my father's. He loved me a lot. I was the only girl in the family and he treated me like a tough princess. Not in need of coddling…but delicate and important just the same.

"I'll be careful." I told him with a smile. I turned to my dad who was smiling with pride. He was so excited for me. He gave me a tight hug and let go, leaving his hands on my shoulders.

"Let me know when you get there…you're mom and Phil should be waiting at the airport to pick you up." I nodded with a smile. He cleared his throat a bit and pulled me in for another hug.

"I love you, Bells." He whispered and I felt my throat swell with emotion. He never said things like that. It was always implied…just never really spoken. Kind of why my dad and mom fell apart.

"I love you too dad." I whispered back. I pulled back and turned to Tucker. My brother-child. He was fighting tears and I pulled him in really close.

"Don't be sad, Tuck. I'm always here. I'm just a phone call away, alright? You need _anything_, you call." I felt him nod against my shoulder.

"I'm gonna miss you, Bella." He whispered and I hugged him tighter.

"I'll miss you too Tuck. We'll talk everyday, I promise. I love you, Tuck. To the moon and back. You're my happiness little man." He nodded again and I pulled away and kissed his cheek. It was an inside thing we shared. Happiness would be impossible without each other. I wiped my eyes one last time and grabbed my carry on that Jaxon handed to me.

"I love you guys." I told them with a smile and I got a round of smiles and I love you's back. With that I turned on my heel with one last wink to Tucker and boarded the plane. I found my seat and looked out the window to the snow-covered runway.

It would most likely be the same in Nashville…but that's alright. The cold never bothered me.

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><p>I knocked on the door, nervously shaking. I waited patiently for the door to open, revealing a man in a nice suit.<p>

"Hello! You must be Isabella Swan. Come on in!" He opened the door more for me to enter the room, closing it behind me. "My name is Mike Fletcher, this is Bob Cloutch, and Rebecca Heatherington." I shook his hand, as well as Bob's and Rebecca's.

"It's nice to meet you." I said with a nod. "This is my mom, Renee." I introduced my mom and they shook her hand as well.

"Lovely to meet you both. Please sit down." Mike told us and we sat in the seats across the big table from them. I looked around and saw poster after poster around the room of album covers that have been signed by artists. I immediately felt my palms start to sweat from the anxiety.

"I hope the meeting wasn't too short notice." Mike said and I shook my head.

"No, I was finished school for the semester so I don't have much else to do." He chuckled and nodded.

"Good, good. Could we get you two anything? Coffee? Tea?" I shook my head, too nervous to put anything in my stomach. My mom politely declined.

"Alrighty, down to business! We received a CD of yours, Bella, from a scout named Gerard. He got hold of it and thought it deserved another opinion." I nodded and felt my chest closing in on itself. I took another deep breath, waiting for him to continue. "I have to admit, Bella. We liked what we heard." I felt a huge smile break onto my face.

"Thank you, sir." He chuckled and pulled out his phone.

"Call me Mike. Now, let me just see in my planner… We have a few studio sessions open this week. We'd like for you to get into the studio for a trial run, prove to us that this CD you sent in is the real deal and we can go from there. If all goes well, we can talk contract." I looked to my mom and grinned. She smiled back and we arranged a time to meet tomorrow.

"What we need to see is a few songs, two or three, that you can sing for us that you feel really represent you and your style. Given the original songs from the CD I can assume you're a singer/songwriter?" He asked and I nodded.

"Yes. I write all my own songs." I told him and he nodded with a smile.

"That's refreshing. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow, Isabella." After giving us directions to the studio we left the label office.

"Ahhhh God I'm so excited! I told my mom as we got into her SUV. She grinned to me.

"Bella I'm so proud of you!" I immediately got my phone out and texted Isaac.

"_Meeting tomorrow. With the head of the label. In the studio. Oh my God oh my God."_

Within the minute I had a message back.

"_When you're famous, can I be your backup dancer and just…shake my thing all over the world?" _I couldn't hold in my laughter as I showed my mom the message. She chuckled too.

"_You're delusional." _I replied. Again, he replied right away.

"_I. Am an amazing booty shaker."_ I grinned to my phone, missing my twin already.

"So how's Isaac doing anyway?" My mom asked as we pulled away from a stop sign. We were headed back home to Franklin, about thirty minutes from Nashville.

"He's good. He and Krista broke up like…two months ago. He told you that right?" I asked and she shook her head.

"Oh…well they broke up. She was Facebook messaging some guy from school asking to hangout and it was all too shady for Isaac so he said he had to 'cut her loose'." I told her and she nodded. They had only dated for two ish months anyway.

"I miss him a lot." I confessed to her and she gave me an understanding smile and patted my leg.

"Aww sweetie I'm sorry. I know this must be hard for you both." I nodded. It really was. Between friends, family and Paul I was looking pretty exhausted.

"He's literally my other half. It's so weird not having him here. I know it would get easier…but it sucks." She nodded.

"So…did you ever get to talk to Paul? She asked and I sighed, looking at my hands. I had filled her in last night when she asked how he was doing.

"No…I don't even know what to do anymore. People say to wait it out and things will get better but…I don't want to just wait it out. It's not fair that I have to wait with no explanation…you know?" She nodded.

"I know sweetie. Luckily there is a lot here to keep you busy for a bit. Who knows where you'll even be in a month! Let the excitement fill the void for now." I nodded. I didn't really have any other choice.

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><p><strong>Leah POV<strong>

I sat at Claire's hanging out…our usual for a Friday night. Bella left yesterday and it was clear neither of us were handling it well.

"This just isn't the same." Claire said and I nodded, popping another chip into my mouth. We'd always have girls nights on Saturdays and rotate at each other's houses. We had the movie The Goonies in. One of Bella's favourites. We weren't paying much attention though. I looked to the empty chair and sighed.

"I'm so excited for her though. She's been working so hard for years now." I said and Claire nodded.

"Yeah. Even travelling. Remember when her and Paul would drive into the city to busk?" She asked and I nodded.

"Yeah…she'd work herself to death playing small sets and busking in Nashville when her and Isaac would go visit their parents. She finally has her shot."

"I just wish it wasn't so far away." Claire said sadly and I nodded. We were quiet for a few moments until curiosity got the better of me.

"So…what's going on between Bella and Paul?" I asked. Bella hasn't said much about it but it's obvious that they'd fallen apart in the last month. He doesn't seem to hang out with anyone but Sam Uley…and she left without saying goodbye to him. I watched Claire struggle to find her words.

"Honestly? I have no idea. Paul's never around…Bella would call and he'd get all snarly and tell us to just let it ring…he's been a real fucking grouch lately." I nodded. I'd been here a few times when he came home. He's changed so much…he's really bulked up fast. He's always scowling…you can't even say hello without a dirty look thrown at you.

"You don't think…maybe…"

"Steroids?" Claire supplied for me. I felt uncomfortable even suggesting it because it was such a mean thing to jump to…but the shoe fit in more ways than one. "I don't think so…but I see what you mean."

"Oh yea let's just blame Paul's pissy attitude on steroids. Nice." We heard behind us. We both turned to see a seething Paul in the doorway to the living room. When the hell did he get home?

"Paul…I said you weren't." Claire told him. He looked to her and softened a bit towards his sister but his gruff exterior stood firm. To be honest he was a bit scary. He'd gotten _huge_. He used to be a decent size…around 5'11", 170lbs. It looked cute next to Bella's 5'1", 115lbs frame. But now…he had to be at least 6'4"…210lbs? And it was all muscle. He'd look a little scary next to Bella now.

"But you were thinking it. I'm sure that's what you're all fucking thinking. Whatever." He snarled and stormed into the kitchen. We heard him open the fridge and pause.

"I see Bella hasn't called yet." He said in a clipped tone from the kitchen. They usually left a little note on the fridge that she had called that day. Claire looked to me and bit her lip. She was nervous to tell him.

"Uh…Paul? Can…can you come here?" Claire asked in a shaky voice. It took him a second but he made his way to the doorway again and looked at her curiously.

"Ummm…maybe you should…sit down." She told him and his eyes narrowed.

"Why?" He asked and she sighed, standing up to grab his arm.

"Just trust me." He sat down in Bella's open chair and looked from me to Claire. To say I was anxious was an understatement.

"Paul…uh…Bella isn't calling today." She told him and he just looked at her. "She didn't call yesterday either." She told him. Claire had told me he hadn't come home at all yesterday. He just sat there curiously…though it sure looked angry.

"And your point?" He asked. Claire looked to me nervously. I nodded, pushing her to spill it already. The longer this is held off, the worse it will be.

"Paul, Bella's gone." He stood up in an instant and began yelling.

"**What do you mean **_**GONE?!**__" _Claire stood and held up her hands.

"Paul please sit down-"

"**NO!** What do you mean **gone?!"** She took a deep breath and began explaining.

"Paul…Bella was called by a label in Nashville…they flew her out to meet with them yesterday. She's been trying to call and tell you…but…" Her sentence fell off. And then I saw something I never thought I'd see.

Paul's whole resolve fell and I watched a grown man crumple. His face twisted into pain and his eyes filled with unshed tears.

"What do you mean gone?" He whispered, looking at Claire. She nodded, tears in her eyes too.

"Paul…I'm so sorry. But she left yesterday. I don't know when she's coming back." And there he sat in Bella's chair…head in his hands…crying.

* * *

><p><strong>Paul POV<strong>

I vaguely remember Claire sending Leah home about twenty minutes ago, but I hadn't moved. I've never felt like this before. I've never…I've never felt so broken.

Sure I've dealt with more than my fair share of heartache. Starting from a young age I learned that love just…dies. My mom and dad…I watched him do horrible things. And yet claim to _love _her.

_Love._

What a horrible lie to sell.

Or so I thought…

Then there was Bella.

She's like…the light at the end of the tunnel. She's that girl that's too good to be true. Easy going, laid back, funny, smart, talented, honest…she taught me how to pick myself up and move on…with her it was easy. And yet I kept my feelings in…I'd only ever told her how I felt once. July 9th…she had been in Tennessee for a month visiting her mom and I came to the airport with Charlie to get her and Isaac. That night…I told her I loved her. Just five months ago.

And I let her go.

I felt Claire rub my arm in comfort but I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve comfort after what I'd done.

"Don't." I snapped and stood up. I looked to her and saw tears falling from her eyes too. I felt horrible for how I'd been treating her lately…I couldn't help it though. I'm just…I'm so angry. So, so angry. I heard the front door open and saw Jaxon come in with Sam and I just unleashed.

"_**Why didn't you tell me?!"**_ I yelled and they were clearly startled. My sister sunk a little deeper into the couch, but I couldn't pull back.

"Hey man calm down." Sam said and I looked right at Jaxon.

"How long did you know? Huh? How long did you know she'd be leaving?! And you never fucking told me!" Jaxon stepped forward and didn't look happy. He stood an inch taller than me but he was a lot calmer.

"Maybe you would have known if you answered the phone." I pushed him and shook my head.

"Hey fuck you man. You fucking _know_ why I haven't picked that fucking phone up. _It's too fucking hard_." He shook his head.

"Yea and you know what else was hard? Watching my baby sister cry. Every day. Because the only person she's ever loved just dropped her **without an explanation.**" I shook my head again. How did this happen? The last time I spoke to her I was calling her and apologizing for missing her party…but how could I go when I couldn't control my fucking temper? I felt myself start to shake.

"Paul, calm down. Now." Sam ordered but I just couldn't . I felt my skin rippling and I tried to stumble to the back door."

"Paul!? What's wrong with him!" I heard Claire yell and I pushed myself faster. I had to get away from her. She couldn't be too close. I felt Jaxon push me out the back door and I internally thanked him. I felt my insides burst and my animal instincts take control. My wolf.

I'd been resenting him for so long…he's what ruined everything. He's what pushed Bella away. I howled at the night sky and laid on the grassy floor of my backyard, right beside the gully. I whimpered a bit and looked to the house. There stood Sam and Jaxon, looking uneasy…my baby sister standing beside them…shocked.

* * *

><p>"So…that's why I haven't been in contact with Bella." I told Claire, sadly. It took a little bit but Sam had finally coaxed me from my wolf security blanket about twenty minutes ago. One thing I did like about the wolf…human Paul got a rest from the constant lie I was living.<p>

"I…I don't know what to say." She said, clearly shaken. Sam and Jaxon were still here and I sighed. I felt guilty…but I almost felt lighter telling someone. Someone that isn't a protector…someone not part of the pack…knows what I am. My mom knew, of course. My father was a wolf. So she knew the signs…but it wasn't the same as _telling_ someone your internal struggle. Claire is one person I don't have to hide around now…it was nice.

"You don't really need to say anything. It's a lot to take in." Sam told her and she nodded, looking to Sam and Jaxon.

"And you two are also…" They nodded in response. She looked to Jaxon.

"So why doesn't Bella know?" She asked and he shrugged.

"No one in my family knows. My dad knows I spend a lot of time with Sam and he likes Sam…so he never questions where I am. I've just never needed to tell. It's safer for them." She nodded.

"So…why couldn't you just tell Bella?" She asked, looking to me. I shook my head.

"You see my control. I'm a fucking asshole and have no control over where and when I phase. What if I hurt her?" I told her. She put a hand on my arm.

"You two will fix this. I promise." She told me and I just hung my head.

"I wouldn't blame her for never forgiving me." But Claire stood up.

"Paul. She loves you. If you explain the whole thing I _know_ she would understand." But I knew I couldn't. Not yet. If I ever phased too close…if I ever got too angry…

Images of Sam's fiancé, Emily flashed through my mind. It shook me to my core to think of Bella scarred like that. I shook my head.

"Let her be happy." I told them. The room fell silent and I went up to my room. I just needed to be alone.

* * *

><p><strong>Bella POV<strong>

"Bella…just hear me out… please." Leah pleaded with me. I sighed and looked to my computer screen. We were Skyping and she had brought up Paul. I didn't want to hear about it…but she had that look on her face. I couldn't deny her.

"Bella he _broke. down._ He misses you so much." I shook my head.

"He should have picked up the phone then." I told her. She looked to me sadly as I started to cry.

"I…I can't talk about this right now Leah. I'm sorry…it…it just hurts so much." I cried and she cried too. It's what we did…we felt for one another. That's what best friends do.

"I'm sorry Leah…I have to go." I sobbed and she nodded. I hung up and closed my computer and cried…I cried a lot. I looked down and saw my attire. His navy blue sweater. It was my go to on cold nights. I smelled it and smelled like him…it only made me cry harder. I love him so much…and I know he loves me too. I know it. So I don't understand what happened to us.

I went over to my guitar and songbook that I'd left in the corner of the room and sat down. I began writing and playing a soft, sad melody. I never thought it would come to this…but it did. And I don't know how to be ok.

* * *

><p>"Alright Bella that was awesome! What's that song called?" Mike asked me and I smiled to him, holding in my grimace. I pointed to the sheet in front of him.<p>

"That one was called 'State of Grace'." I told him. He nodded and smiled, looking to the sheet I indicated from inside the booth. I was standing in the studio with Mike and a producer he'd asked to join us. My mom was standing in the corner, grinning ear to ear. I hated forcing a smile at a time like this. I should be over the moon…but it hurt so much. He pressed the little button again so his voice would carry through into the booth.

"And what do you call you're second recording?" I cleared my throat, forcing away the lump.

"Last Kiss." He nodded with a smile.

"Alright Bella, whenever you're ready." I nodded. I took a deep breath and readjusted myself on my stool, my guitar on my lap. I closed my eyes and forced myself to get through it. I'm not sure why I picked this song to sing for them…maybe it was because it was raw…and real. Maybe I just needed someone to listen. But I began playing softly, singing the song I had written just last night.

"_I still remember the look on your face / Lit through the darkness at 1:58 / The words that you whispered / For just us to know / You told me you loved me / So why did you go away? / Away_

_I do recall now the smell of the rain / Fresh on the pavement / I ran off the plane / That July 9__th__ / The beat of your heart / It jumps through your shirt / I can still feel your arms_

_But now I'll go sit on the floor / Wearing your clothes / All that I know is / I don't know how to be something you miss / I never thought we'd have a last kiss / Never imagined we'd end like this / Your name, forever the name on my lips_

_I do remember the swing of your step / The life of the party, you're showing off again / And I roll my eyes and then / You pull me in / I'm not much for dancing / But for you I did_

_Because I love your handshake, meeting my father / I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets / How you'd kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something / There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions_

_And I'll go sit on the floor / Wearing your clothes / All that I know is / I don't know how to be something you miss / Never thought we'd have a last kiss / Never imagined we'd end like this / Your name, forever the name on my lips / Ooooh_

_So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep / And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe / And I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are / Hope it's nice where you are_

_And I hope the sun shines / And it's a beautiful day / And something reminds you / You wish you had stayed / You can plan for a change in weather and time / But I never planned on you changing your mind_

_So I'll go sit on the floor / Wearing your clothes / All that I know is / I don't know how to be something you miss / Never thought we'd have a last kiss / Never imagined we'd end like this / Your name, forever the name on my lips_

_Just like our last kiss / Forever the name on my lips / Forever the name on my lips_

_Just like our last..."_

I don't know when I had closed my eyes…or when I had started crying. But I looked through the glass to the others and saw nothing but pure, undivided attention. My mom had tears rolling down her cheeks and Mike had a small smile on his face. I cleared my throat awkwardly when no one said anything. I put my guitar down and took off the headphones and placed them on the stool. I walked out the door to where they all stood to greet me. My mom immediately took me into a mom hug, and I welcomed the comfort. She let me go and I turned to Mike, who stood with his hand outstretched. He shook my hand and looked right into my eyes and said those five words I never thought I'd hear.

"Welcome to Rolling Rock Records."

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><p><strong>I hope you all enjoyed it! <strong>

**Songs: Last Kiss – Taylor Swift**


	3. Dead of Winter

**I'm so glad you're all enjoying it so far! I know there is a bit of hesitation when it comes to the author's made up characters, and in this story there are quite a few. However they do not take presidence over the Twilight characters and they will be lovable and compliment the main characters nicely. Anyone who has read stories I've written before, knows I tend to make non-canon characters quite likable. :)**

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><p><strong>Chapter Three: Dead of Winter<strong>

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><p><strong>Bella POV<strong>

"What is it?!" Isaac asked as I grinned into the camera. I was sitting in my bedroom in Franklin, my dad and brothers on Skype with me. I had yet to tell them how my meeting with Mike had went and I was anxious to fill them in. I had signed my recording contract a few days ago.

"Hold on! Jaxon needs to be here too!" I told them and Isaac groaned, standing up from his laptop. I heard faint yelling and Jaxon's named called and I laughed at my twin's impatience.

"Hurry up!" He yelled again and I laughed to my screen. I heard the door open and close and I watched Jaxon and Isaac appear on the screen.

"This better be good!" Jaxon told me, out of breath. He had just gotten home. I grinned to him and nodded.

"I'm sure you'll agree it was worth the effort." I told him and he chuckled. I looked to my family on my screen and I couldn't hold it in any longer.

"I got a recording deal!" I shouted and watched the guys break into hysterics, shouting and celebrating. I laughed as their shocked faces disappeared from the shot and reappeared again, wanting more information.

"So what does this mean?! How long will you be gone for?!" Isaac asked and I shrugged.

"I'm not sure to be honest. I'll be registering at a high school here tomorrow to finish grade ten here in Tennessee and I'll probably be here for grade eleven too. It's going to take a while between writing new songs, recording them, collecting a band, promotion, actually making the CD…it's a lengthy process." They nodded and my dad spoke.

"So they will be promoting you then?" I nodded hesitantly.

"Well….yes and no. I mean…of course they will do what they can because they want me to be profitable for _them_…but they will also be shipping me all over the place on my breaks apparently to sing a song or two for radio junkets, small sets to fill gaps for headlining tours, if I'm lucky Mike said I could even get a spot opening for someone." He nodded.

"And what does that mean for school?" I sighed. I know he wants me to finish school…

"Well we would have to come to that when it happens. I can always take a year off and continue school the following year or be home schooled but I can't always find someone willing to take a shot on me like that. So…right now I can balance school easily and…we will see about later." He nodded. I could tell it wasn't his ideal situation but I also knew he'd never ruin this moment for me. My brothers and I had a special relationship with each other and my dad. A lot is said with our eyes.

"Well I'm really proud of you Bells. You've worked really hard putting yourself out there and I know you'll be successful." I smiled to him.

"Thanks dad." He nodded and Isaac started to fidget.

"So…when will you be home next?" My expression turned sad looking at Isaac. I miss him so much…it feels like my other half is literally missing. The happy look on Tuck's face fell as well and I felt a piece of my heart break.

"I'm not sure…but Mike also said that he understands that I'm leaving family behind…there's a fund set up for artists that need…kind of like a slush fund before they really make it…for travelling so they can see their family. He said he would fly you guys out here for breaks and stuff." Their faces seemed brighter at this and I smiled to them.

"I won't let us go too long without seeing each other. If I can't come there because of work then I'll bring you here."

"We miss you B." Isaac told me and I felt a tear fall down my cheek.

"I miss you guys too." I whispered.

* * *

><p><strong>Paul POV<strong>

"So what…she's just…gone? For how long?" I asked as we sat around Sam's kitchen table.

"Look man, I don't know. She'll be gone for a good year and a half at the least." I felt my heart crack at his words. My Bella…I wanted so badly to be happy for her. She was starting her dream…I'd wanted this moment to come for so long. My Bella…she's so unbelievably talented. I've never doubted her for a second. She's got the will to win…she's never backed down from what she wanted. I need this for her almost as much as she needs it…I just never expected it to hurt so much.

"I just…I wish she knew." I told Jaxon. Sam looked up to me and I hung my head.

"I know, I know. I didn't want to tell her but…it would have been so much easier. Just…I wish we had a policy where our families could know…Bella would have already known about Jax and it would have been easy for us to work through it…" I looked to Jaxon who nodded.

"I kind of wish my family knew…to be honest. I mean…they never really ask…and they don't _need_ to know…but I feel like there's a wall between us. I live this whole secret life they don't know about." I nodded. I couldn't imagine how Jaxon did it all this time. He phased when Bella was going into grade nine…just before we started dating. At least my mom knew from the start. No one in Jaxon's family knows he's a werewolf. Sam cleared his throat.

"Well…what do you guys think then? I mean…once you tell someone, you have to put up with the repercussions of them either not believing you, being afraid of you…you can't un-tell your loved ones." I looked to Sam and nodded. Since Claire found out a week ago things have been a lot easier at home for me. She's more understanding…and I'm less of a dick.

"Yea but it also relieves a lot of stress. I mean…it's a lot easier not needing to hide in my own house." Sam nodded and sighed.

"Well…you two are the pack. If you two think it's easier for the pack to tell family…then I support you. If you think it would be easier for newcomers…then I can't argue with it. My mom has always known." I looked to Jaxon who took a deep breath.

"I have one condition." He said and Sam and I looked to him. He began fiddling with a mark on the table and we waited patiently for him to collect his thoughts.

"I…uh…I don't want anyone telling Bella." He stammered and I narrowed my eyes. If he didn't tell Bella then how was I supposed to get her to forgive me? I couldn't tell her…it had to be Jaxon.

"What do you mean?" I asked and he looked pointedly at me.

"Bella has a lot on her plate and I won't have a bombshell like this ruin it for her. Let her get on her feet before we go fucking with her head." I could only stare at him. How…how could I just let go of it? How… but I could see it in his eyes. There was no negotiating. I hung my head defeated as Sam cleared his throat.

"It's official then. If a pack member wants to tell his family about the change and the pack, then he is able to."

* * *

><p><strong>Bella POV<strong>

I walked through the streets of Franklin, a light dusting of snow on the ground. Nothing close to what we have back home in Forks right now but…it's white non-the-less. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and I can't help but wish I was with my dad and brothers. I love my mom but…we were never the closest mother and daughter. When my mom and dad divorced I had desperately wanted to stay in Forks with my dad and so when my mom ran off with Phil, whom she had met while still married to my dad, I stayed behind with him and my brothers.

I stopped and sat on a small park bench and sighed. I always found it funny that people complain about the snow…and yet wish away the heat in August. They never really know what they want until it's gone and you're unhappy with the alternatives. I looked to my shoes and willed away the tears.

I wonder if…if he actually misses me. If…I'm like the sun to him. He never knew he needed it until it was gone and he was left in the dead of winter…I doubted it.

If he missed me he never would have allowed this to go on for so long. If he truly broke down…he would have contacted me…wouldn't he? I felt the tears prick at my eyes, begging for release. I refused though…I was too angry.

I tried everyday to fix this and make it right. I tried so hard to be supportive of him and his insecurities. I even held off telling him how much I loved him…everyday. Because he felt bad that he couldn't say it back. I always thought…there was hope. That one-day his guard would fall down and I'd be lucky enough to hear it more than once…that maybe he'd want me to know. I just never thought I'd see the day when he discarded me all together. That all my patience and understanding would be for nothing. I felt a few tears fall.

What made it hurt the most…the thing I still couldn't wrap my head around…was that this happened right after we…were intimate for the first time. How could I not make that connection? He…he took my virginity and just…disappeared two weeks later. No explanation…no apology. Just left…and it ripped my insides apart. What if I wasn't what he expected…what if I…wasn't good.

A few more tears fell and I sniffled. My phone vibrated in my pocket and I took it out to see a text from Tuck.

'_I miss you Bella…I hope you're day is filled with happiness.'_ I sniffled again, more tears falling down my cheeks to my chin. I missed them so much.

'_I miss you too buddy. I hope yours is filled with happiness too.'_ I typed out and hit send. He sent me back a solitary happy face and I sighed. I can't help but feel spent. Being sad is exhausting…and questioning yourself takes so much strength. I was just spent. I pocketed my phone and looked around me. The beautiful scenery seemed dull in comparison to my pain and I knew I needed to pick myself up. It's been about a month since he stopped all contact with me…since then I've only heard a few words come from his mouth. Saying he'd be at my party…and then apologizing for breaking his promise. I shook my head. I should feel more closure than I do…it shouldn't still feel like it was only yesterday…but it did. I didn't want to be sad anymore…I didn't want to feel useless and question myself in order to place blame. I should be so happy…my life finally starting to fit into a bigger picture. But all I could think of was laying in his bed beside him, nestled into his arms. Feeling like…we had our whole lives ahead of us.

And knowing now how wrong I was.

* * *

><p><strong>I know this is a very short chapter but it was the right place to end given how I want the next chapter to go. Together, this and the next chapter create a nice long one. Enjoy!<strong>


	4. Trouble

**Here's the continuation, Enjoy.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Four: Trouble<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Bella POV<strong>

In the last year and a half a lot has happened. I mean…things were going pretty well. After I signed the deal back in December of 2012 I started school in Franklin and would work weekends in Nashville, in the studio and writing rooms, coming up with material. Not that I was short of it…I managed to pop out quite a few songs. Some of them are album material and some of them aren't…but that's just how it goes. They can't all be gems, you know?

I met some people in school but I tended to stick to myself. I missed my friends and family back home so much that it was hard to be overly social, knowing it just wasn't the same. I remember the first time my family flew out here….it was in March of 2013, during March break.

* * *

><p>"<em>So are you enjoying it here, sweetie?" My dad asked. I nodded, handing him a coffee. We were sitting in my mom and Phil's living room socializing. I was just thankful I had two divorced parents that could handle being in the same room together. I went and sat on the floor in front of Isaac and he played with my hair. The tears when they arrived were exhausting…I was just happy to see them all.<em>

"_I really am dad…I miss Forks. But I've been keeping busy with work and school. I'm actually picking up a few night courses to lighten my work load for next year because Mike expects me to be fairly busy at the label." He nodded with a smile._

"_So you been travelling?" He asked and I shook my head._

"_No not really…I mean…I go into Nashville quite often and play at the pubs or bars. I had a gig at the Blue Bird last weekend, which was unreal. But I've been staying local so far. Just letting people get to know my face. I'll be travelling a little this summer though for radio press." He nodded. _

"_So you're loving it then." Jax stated and I nodded, a huge grin on my face. Tuck smiled to me and I smiled back. It all felt right…having them here. I felt like I wasn't torn in so many directions. I felt like…I could be at peace for a moment. _

_Of course I still missed my friends like crazy, but I Skype with them weekly._

"_You should hear the work she's coming home with. I'd never speak poorly of your talents, Bella but…even in the last few months you've…I mean you've improved a great deal. It's magical to watch really." My mom told them and I blushed. _

"_I've been learning a lot. The guys at the label are amazing…it's nice to feel like I've grown." I told them and my dad smiled._

"_I'm so happy for you, Bells." He told me and I grinned._

"_Thanks, dad."_

* * *

><p>In that moment I was so happy. I'd finally started to heal my wounds…I had felt…a bit lighter. Well…until Paul mailed me some of my things back in April of 2013. I had ignored an email from him. He had reached out and just told me he missed me…that he was sorry. I never replied to him and two weeks later I picked up a box at the post office…small things. A few picture frames of us…a plaid button up shirt I'd left there…my baseball glove and a pair of skates...I shook my head at the thought.<p>

Even if I had have replied, I didn't know what I would have said. What could I say? Oh…you miss me? You should have called. It was too late…I didn't have it in me to be that person that rolls over and takes him back…mailing me my things had devastated me…and only made me even angrier. After that…I didn't really care about…playing it safe. I started dating again that month, small flings. Nothing very serious…even though I slept with one of them…but I knew I was only trying to fill a void. I was only trying to keep myself from doing the one thing I'd never forgive myself for.

Telling him I missed him too.

That's why in August of 2013 I started dating someone more long term. Though…I'm still not entirely sure it counts as one to put on the ol' resume.

* * *

><p>"<em>Soooo tell me all about him!" Leah begged over Skype and I laughed. I shrugged and thought about what I could possibly tell her.<em>

"_Well he's really smart and interesting…keeps me on my toes. He's pretty protective of me." She nodded._

"_And gorgeous." She said and I laughed. She had seen a picture of us on Facebook. I didn't speak about him much with my friends or family…I didn't really know what to tell them_. 'Oh yea…I've gone from heartache to dating a vampire.'_ Like that would go over well. I mean…it's not like I had gone looking for someone like Edward…he had just kind of fallen into my lap._

_Last month in July I had been walking back to my apartment in Nashville around 1am from a long writing session. I had gotten the place in June because my hours were crazy at the label once school was over. With a half-hour drive one way…sometimes at two in the morning and back again at 7am…it was easier to be five minutes away. My mom and Phil had helped me get the place and as soon as I start making more money I can pay them back._

_I had never been scared of the area…no one had ever bothered me before. Of course…it wasn't really a 'no one' that had bothered me. This 'one' had sharp pointed teeth, red eyes, and was freakishly strong. He had pulled me into a back ally by a dumpster and did some sick things. He had licked the tears from my face and told me he was going to perch my dead body on a street light…like a scarecrow. The whole incident was burned into my brain. He had bit me…just to hear me scream. It was like torture…it burned so bad. But before he could do much else this…guy had come out of nowhere and…and…ripped his head off. He sucked the wound the vampire had given me until the burning stopped and taken me to the hospital. I had needed some blood pumped into me but…thanks to him I was alright. _

_It had taken a while to accept what he was…vampire. You go your whole life thinking that's only a silly story…that it could never be real. And now…I'm dating one._

_Because of that it was hard to tell my family and friends much about him or how we met. I told them he had offered to walk me home after witnessing a mugging and after that we just became close. But…I never told them about the hospital visit or the fact that it was me who had been in trouble. I'd never know how to explain it and keep the story straight…so I lied._

* * *

><p>I had lied a lot during my relationship with Edward. He was a nice enough guy…depending on your definition of 'nice'. We fought a lot…and it was impossible for me to deny it…I had wanted him to fill the void in my heart. I had been so angry and so weak…that I fell for the secure feeling he gave me of just having someone.<p>

Don't get me wrong…I mean I did love him. He was…he was a huge part of my life while we were together. But now I have the benefit of perspective…I had deluded myself into thinking it was perfect…when in reality I was only half living. I had devoted myself to something dead…someone who wasn't as faithful to me as he claimed...someone with their own agenda.

I had known how dumb it was, I mean I'm not an idiot. I knew it was one sided…and yet I gave into it because I was desperate to just have someone to fill that gap…and I convinced myself it was special. We broke up in December 2013 and were on and off for a few months until I'd finally had enough in March of 2014. My family seemed pretty relieved when I stopped taking his calls. They didn't know the ins and outs of the relationship but it wasn't hard to see that I wasn't happy anymore…and that I wasn't the only one he was playing. It was hard…but not as hard as the first time around. I may have been in an intimate relationship with Edward…but he wasn't in one with me.

I've heard that he asked around the label when I stopped taking his calls and I forced myself to just let him wonder. Once I was away from him…I realized I wasn't happy. I wasn't ok with the constant fighting and cheating…and I wasn't ok with letting him see how much he had hurt me. So…I just cut all contact with him. I never thought I'd break up with a vampire…not because he was a vampire…but because he wasn't good to me.

I looked down to my crescent shaped scar on my right wrist and sighed. The worst part about the breakup…was knowing about their world. Knowing that I was apart of it…and now I'm not. It's like trying to lie to myself everyday…trying to ignore it.

It was like…pretending those seven months never happened…because I can't possibly tell anyone about it. I couldn't be honest…all I could do was release my pain through song…and I did.

I'd written a lot about that relationship…different aspects of it and different emotions I had felt. It made it a bit easier because…I didn't necessarily need to discuss it. People that wanted to know about my life could just listen to the album…they'd have a humanistic idea of how I felt and what I went through.

Since my breakup with Edward I have been working very hard…way too hard. I know it's not the first time I've been heartbroken…and it's definitely not the worst…but it still left a void. A void I needed to fill quickly. I had been spending every spare moment immersed in my work and every waking weekend moment in Nashville at the label. Mike was pretty happy with the last few songs I turned out, and so was one of my co-writers, Joe.

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><p>"<em>I know it's probably a jerk thing to say…but you're at your best when you're hurting." Joe told me, sitting down at the table I was sitting at. I was in the break room of the label with my songbook in front of me. It was a Friday night and I didn't need to be at work until tomorrow morning but…I didn't want to sit at my apartment alone. I wanted to be busy…when I was alone I thought…and when I thought I thought of Edward and how…how I wasn't good enough for him. Which always led to Paul. Always Paul. It has been over a year since I left Forks…I haven't spoken to him since before he started avoiding me.<em>

"_Well…that's the life of an artist…right? We always write from the heart." He nodded and looked at my song book. I hadn't written anything down yet._

"_Stuck?" He asked and I shrugged. _

"_I don't know…I don't know what's going on in here." I told him, pointing to my head. He chuckled and looked to me._

"_Well then, what's going on in there?" He asked, pointing to my heart and I sighed._

"_Honestly? I'm pissed off." I told him and he chuckled again, nodding._

"_That's always a powerful tool." He told me and I smirked._

"_Yea but what am I supposed to say? I knew that it was bad news from the start? That I knew he was messing around and…and that part of me knew he never felt what I felt?" I asked and he shrugged._

"_Why not?" He asked and I stopped to look at him, confused._

"_What do you mean?" I asked and he shrugged again, looking at me seriously._

"_Why can't you say that? Bella, you're a smart girl. And even the smartest people screw up…make mistakes…hell I've got a whole list of mistakes and I'm a genius." He told me and I laughed, earning a smile from Joe._

"_Bella…you can't limit yourself to what's nice to say…or what's poetic. Sometimes you have to sit there and say…'I fucked up'. And guess what? People will relate." I looked to him curiously._

"_You think so?" I asked and he nodded immediately. _

"_You're damn right. If I had someone write a song and say, 'Hey, guess what. I made a huge mistake. I knew I shouldn't have done it, and I'm to blame.' I think I could relate to that person so much more than someone that never took responsibility. Sometimes we are to blame for our hearts being broken…and that's a hard thing to admit. But if you can…it could be one of the best ideas you've ever had." He told me and I nodded, thoughtfully._

"_Thanks, Joe." I told him and he nodded, patting my shoulder._

"_I have to go…but I'll see you bright and early?" He asked and I nodded._

"_Night, Joe."_

"_Goodnight, Bella." He told me and left the room. I sighed, looking to my book and shook my head. I looked deep…deep down. And I asked myself just what I was thinking when I got involved with Edward…and the answer kind of scared me. A small part of me knew he couldn't have cared about me…and…and I liked that. I liked knowing…that it was bound to fail. Because at least it wasn't a surprise when it went ass up. I was prepared…to get my heart broken. And yet I still loved the notion of forever…and knowing he was someone that could actually give me that. And that's my fault. _

_I looked down to my book and felt like I'd been hit with lightening. I started writing and never once stopped. I wrote what I felt…like a diary. I could always edit later…right now I needed to vent and get it out…I needed to let myself be pissed off and disappointed in myself. I didn't stop until 2am before I shut the light off and went home. I fell asleep feeling so much lighter…Joe would have a nice surprise tomorrow morning._

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><p>"<em>Good morning Bella." <em>_Joe said and I smiled to him, handing him a coffee I had picked up._

"_Morning, Joe." He gratefully took the coffee and watched me sit down at the table in one of the writing rooms. We had it booked from 7am-1pm to hash out some ideas._

"_So what time were you here 'til last night?" He asked and I shrugged._

"_Around two I think." __I told him and he chuckled._

"_Still stuck?" He asked and I grinned, pulling out my songbook and guitar. I shook my head and showed him my scribbles._

"_Well, well, well. What do we have here?" He asked, pulling the book in front of him. "'I Knew You Were Trouble'. I like it." He told me and I grinned. We went over it and brainstormed a few changes before we got started on the music._

"_I was thinking something upbeat. Like…a song you'd rock out to in your car." He gave me a look._

"_Really? It's not a deeper song to you?" I shook my head._

"_No…in my head it's like…it's something like this." I told him and played a melody on my guitar. He looked thoughtful before shaking his finger._

"_I think you've got something there, Bella." He told me and I grinned. We wrote some music to go with it and at about five to one I looked to the song in front of me._

"_I feel…so much lighter." I told him and he nodded._

"_Those are some deep lyrics, Bella. I'd imagine it feels good to get that out." I nodded._

"_It really does…I just…thank you. I never could have come up with it had it not been for our talk last night." I told him and he smiled._

"_That's what I'm here for, Doll."_

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><p>That song truly had turned out amazing. Joe had told my producer, Bob, that he wanted me in the studio right away to do a demo. He said he wanted that raw aggression to be in my voice and I agreed…it sounded amazing. We had added other instruments and had a final recording of it and I just…I had been so happy. Everything had been coming together and I was starting to <em>feel<em> better. I felt stronger. I felt…I felt more in control than I had in a long time. Don't get me wrong…I wrote a sad song about the breakup too…but…it was still strong. I don't think it would have been possible without "I Knew You Were Trouble". I don't think a lot of the things I've felt since then would be possible. It was true… admitting defeat and taking responsibility…it made me a stronger, happier person. And for that I was grateful.

Of course, that was in April, a month after we split for good. Even though I felt stronger…it didn't stop me from putting in way too much time at work. My parents have noticed I've been around less and less…and I felt guilty. The last time I saw my dad was March break 2014. Of course, a few of my brothers had come to visit when school was let out.

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><p><em>I grinned, throwing the headphones off and booking it out of the booth. It was a studio day but it was more than that. Isaac and Tucker were arriving today to spend a week with me, and they just came into the studio, my mom having picked them up at the airport.<em>

"_I missed you guys so much!" I told them, pulling them both in for a group hug. I smiled looking to them both. _

"_You guys have grown…my God." I told them and Tucker laughed._

"_Well…I _did_ just turn fifteen." He told me and I grinned. _

"_I know! I have your present at my apartment." I told him. I had felt bad that I wasn't able to go home for his birthday at the end of May but when he mentioned that he could come visit in June it worked out well. I shook my head._

"_What are you now…5'8?" He grinned._

"_5'9"!" He told me and I laughed. I know that wasn't necessarily tall, but I was only 5'1". I looked to Isaac and assessed his changes._

"_You must be 5'11" now." He shook his head._

"_5'11" and a half, thank you." He told me and I laughed, shaking my head. I hugged them one more time._

"_I'm just so much happier now that you're here." I told them, winking to Tucker. He chuckled. We messaged each other daily and there was never a…'have a great day!' Or…'I hope your day is good!'...it's always "I hope your day is filled with happiness." It meant so much more to us…because all we wanted was for the other to be happy. Sometimes it was hard without my family…but I always tried. I had to set a good example for my baby brother._

_They were pumped because Bob let them stick around the studio with me for the day so they got an inside scoop on what I was working on. It was nice to share it with them…and it meant a lot that they wanted to be there._

* * *

><p>That visit was burned into my brain…every word…every hug. Every little piece of him I could hold onto…because today? It was all I had left. Today it was hard to breathe…and I felt…like I'd never be happy again. Today…I felt every resolve I had fade away into blackness and I didn't know what to do. Today…my whole world fell apart in a way I could never explain.<p>

"Bella." I heard him say as I turned around, waiting at baggage claim and was met with a hug. He pulled me in as close as he could get me and I let myself break down. I stood there…and I cried. Harder than I've ever cried before. And he cried too. I felt his warm body shake against mine and I just let myself fall apart. I looked over his shoulder and saw Sam.

"He's here just incase…I don't want to hurt you if I'm not able to keep it together." He told me and I nodded, letting him tuck me under his shoulder. Sam grabbed my bags and I thanked him and we walked away from baggage claim. We left the airport and got into his truck. He tossed Sam the keys.

"Could you drive, man?" Sam nodded and got into the drivers seat. I closed my eyes and curled into his side and let silent tears fall down my cheeks. My world was different now. It wasn't a world filled with love and joy…it was dark and empty…and I struggled to hold my chest together as I took a deep breath, more tears coming. We drove all the way from Seattle, me pressed against his warm skin.

When we finally got to my house I sat in the truck and stared.

"You coming Bella?" He asked and I could only stay still. Sam gave us privacy and went into the house. I could only look at it.

"It doesn't even look the same." I told him. I had stopped crying about an hour ago…unsure if I had anything left to cry. He was silent for a moment, waiting for me get my bearings.

"Everyone's here…been here all day. No one can seem to leave…I think they are scared to." He told me and I just sat still, absorbing his words. I looked to him. He looked the same…and yet so different. Then again, I suppose I look a lot different too.

I haven't been back to Forks since I left in December of 2012. It was now July of 2014. My hair was quite long…all the way down to my elbows. It was still brown of course…but I'd taken to straightening it rather than leaving it curled…though it was curled today naturally after my shower. I looked to him and saw pain in his eyes and I took a deep breath. I'd have to go in sooner or later…and it won't hurt any less later. I climbed out of the truck and he took my bags for me. I stopped at the door and opened it slowly. I stepped inside…kicking my shoes off. They disappeared in the wealth of shoes by the door and I could hear people talking in the living room. I took another breath and walked into the living room and stopped. I caught my dad's eye and broke apart. I felt like I was choking on my tears and he came to me, pulling me into a bone-crushing hug just like Jaxon had done in the airport. We stood there sobbing for a few minutes, not caring who was watching.

"Dad it hurts so much." I whispered and he nodded, his voice cracking through the tears.

"I know baby…I'm so sorry." He cried and I felt him pull away slowly.

"Where is he. I need to see him right now." I cried, looking desperately around the room and caught his eye. He came rushing towards me and pulled me into a hug.

"B I'm so sorry." Isaac whispered and I pulled him closer, endless tears streaming down my face. We stood in our embrace for a few minutes until he pulled back. I looked around the room through my tears and saw everyone.

Jacob, Rachel and Billy. Leah, Seth, Harry and Sue. Sam, Embry and Jared were here…along with their parents who were good friends with my dad. I saw Claire, Laura and their mom Pam in the corner. Everyone was watching me with tears in their eyes and streaming down their cheeks. And standing next to Sam, hardly recognizable was Paul. He looked to me with tearstains on his cheeks and I felt myself choke up more. Seeing him couldn't phase me right now though.

Isaac took me over to the couch and we sat down. Jaxon came and sat beside me too, putting his arm around me, Isaac taking my hand.

"When did it happen?" I choked out and the room went silent.

"About two this morning." Sam told me and I looked to him curiously. "I…I called for the ambulance." He said and I took a shaky breath and held his gaze.

"And he…" but I couldn't get it out. He took a deep breath and choked back his tears.

"There was nothing they could do, Bella. It was almost instant…I'm so sorry." I nodded, a fresh onslaught of tears gracing my cheeks. I leaned forward and put my head in my hands, sobbing until I couldn't breath.

He was gone…and there was nothing I could do. I heard myself yell into my hands, not bothering to control myself. Isaac leaned forward and put his arms around me and rocked me gently.

Tuck had been hit by a drunk driver last night when he was walking home from a friend's house…

And he's gone.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading, I look forward to your reviews.<strong>


	5. Red

**Hey guys! I appreciate the reviews you've been kind enough to give me. I do try to update faster the more I hear from my readers though so let me hear what you think!**

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><p><strong>Chapter Five: Red<strong>

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><p><strong>Paul POV<strong>

She came in…and I felt like all the oxygen had been beaten out of me. I watched as she met her dad's eyes and she just crumbled…and I couldn't hold my tears in any longer. I felt the dam break and I cried…watching the only girl I've ever…ever loved – fall apart. She then searched frantically for Isaac, her twin. He'd been a wreck since Sam called the Swan residence not long after the ambulance got there he said. Jaxon called me around seven this morning. He'd gotten ahold of Bella around six before she left for work.

This was never how I wanted to see her again…we all knew she'd be more than a wreck. I wasn't sure I could handle seeing her like this…

Now I knew I couldn't.

I hadn't cried yet…not until I saw her fall apart. That didn't mean I wasn't devastated…I was. Tucker was an amazing young man…the most loyal kid I've ever met. But I had the ability to hold it together. Not when it came to Bella though.

She'd changed quite a bit. Her hair was a lot longer…she'd finally grown it out like she'd always wanted to. Her face had matured in the last year and a half…though it was to be expected. Last time I saw her she was about to turn sixteen. She'd be eighteen this year. She hadn't grown any taller, still a short little thing…still just as tiny. I looked at her and felt like…like I'd missed out on so much.

Looking at her now…it hurt more than anything. She held onto Isaac for dear life for a few moments until she'd began to calm down. She pulled back and look around the room, settling finally on me. Making eye contact I could practically feel her pain…I felt desperate to console her…but I knew it wasn't my place anymore. I watched her sit on the couch with her brothers and my heart clenched painfully hearing her speak.

"When did it happen?" She asked, any strength in her voice long gone, and I watched Sam shift uncomfortably. He'd been on patrol when he'd been hit and he wasn't far off.

"About two this morning." Sam said and she turned her gaze to him. He cleared his throat. "I…I called for the ambulance." He said and she took a deep breath.

"And he…" but she stopped short. He took a deep breath and I heard tears in his voice.

"There was nothing they could do, Bella. It was almost instant…I'm so sorry." He told her and I watched her hit her low. She put her head in her hands and cried to the point of hollering out loud. I felt a few more tears fall from my eyes and I let my head fall. I felt arms around my middle and looked to see Claire, tears steadily streaming down her face too. She'd been in bed when Jaxon called and I went and got her up right after I hung up the phone. Her reaction hurt almost as much as Bella's.

* * *

><p>"<em>Claire…Claire wake up." I shook her carefully and she groaned. It was only just after seven in the morning on a Saturday and she was not pleased.<em>

"_Go. Away. Paul." She grumbled and I shook her again, keeping my voice soft._

"_Claire, hun you need to get up. Something bad happened." I told her and she dozily opened her eyes to look at me. Her face turned serious when she saw the look in my eyes._

"_What's going on?" She asked and I waited for her to sit up. I took a deep breath._

"_Claire…Tucker was…he was out late last night and was walking home alone. He…he was hit by a drunk driver." Her eyes went wide and she frantically flew out of bed and started throwing socks and a sweater on._

"_Oh my God… we...we need to call Bella. And get to the hospital right away. She's… she's going to want a play by play while she's on the way here and-"_

"_Claire… they already called Bella. She'll be on the next flight." I told her, cutting her off. She nodded and snatched her phone off the bedside table but I caught her hand._

"_Claire. Hun you need to sit down…" I told her and she shook her head._

"_No! We need to go now!" She said frantically and I stood up, holding her shoulders._

"_No. Claire…Tuck…he didn't make it." I told her and she looked up to my face in disbelief._

"_No…don't say that, Paul…" She said weakly and I shook my head._

"_Claire…he's gone." I told her again and her knees gave out. I held her up as she cried. After a few minutes she sobered enough to speak._

"_B-Bella's on h-her way?" She asked and I nodded. She wiped her face and nodded back._

"_We need to be there…f-for Charlie and the boys…a-and I want t-to be there when she…when she gets h-home." She told me and I nodded again, taking her in a hug._

"_We'll go over in a while. Jaxon is calling when they get back home. They…have some stuff to sort out at the hospital and police station." She nodded and sat down._

"_This…can't be happening." She said weakly and I knelt down in front of her._

"_Hey…look. We will get through this and we will do everything we can to make sure they do too. Alright? But we need to be strong for them." She nodded and sniffled._

"_Bella has to be a wreck." I felt my chest get heavy and fought to keep my composure. Just thinking about the state she must be in ripped me apart._

"_That's putting it lightly. Jaxon said she completely lost control. He had to call Renee and Phil to go to her place in Nashville because she wouldn't come back to the phone…all he could hear was screaming and crying." I told her and she cried a fresh stream of tears._

"_I need to be there for her." She said and I nodded, kissing her forehead,_

"_You will be, hun. I promise. You'd better call the others, alright? Jaxon said they'd have people over in a bit. Said Charlie didn't want to be alone." She nodded, reaching for her cell._

"_I love you, Claire." I told her and she gave me a big hug._

"_I love you too, Paul." She told me and I sighed. If only those words came that easy when I had_ her_ here…_

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><p>I watched Bella sit back into Jaxon's arm and sigh. She looked like she'd cried all she could at the moment. Her face was blank and she seemed to zone out.<p>

Charlie had calmed too and was asking people if they wanted a drink refill. Sue stopped him and motioned for him to go sit with his kids. He sighed and nodded, approaching the couch.

"We uh…we have some stuff to do…tomorrow." He said sitting on the coffee table across from his now three children. It just looked incomplete…and they looked like they felt it. I could only imagine how they must feel…I know I'd be useless if I ever lost one of my sisters. Bella's face never changed. She just looked…lost.

"We have to go…pick out a…casket. And…and we need to meet with the funeral director about how we want it all set up…and we need to…you know…choose flowers and stuff. Bells…I thought you might be the best one for something like that." He said and she nodded, still zoned out.

"Yea…flowers." She said and he reached for her knee. She refocused at the contact and he patted her leg.

"We will get through this sweetie. Together. Alright?" He told her and she nodded, a few silent tears falling down her cheeks.

"And we are all here to help with anything you may need, guys." Sue told him and a few others verbally agreed.

"You guys won't need to do this alone." Billy told them with a nod to Charlie. He nodded with a sniffle.

"You guys…have shown my family great loyalty today. I can't thank you enough. From me and the kids…I…we couldn't do it without you." Everyone nodded and people fell into small conversation. Charlie got up and started talking to Sue, Harry and Billy. My sister and Leah went over to the couch and sat on the coffee table in front of Bella.

"Hey, Sweetheart." Claire said and Bella looked to them and threw herself into their arms. The three girls hugged and Jaxon and Isaac got up off the couch, leaving them to their moment.

"How you holdin' up?" Jaxon said, coming over to me. I gave him a look.

"Shouldn't I be asking you?" I asked him and he shrugged.

"It's not hard to guess how I feel. I'm curious about you." He told me and I sighed, glancing to Bella.

"I don't know. To be honest…I just…it's like I never even thought about the fact that she's back…I just…I've just been terrified to see her like this." He nodded and clapped my shoulder.

"You should talk to her. At least say hi and let her know things are alright on your end. I know Bella…it'll be like an alarm in the back of her mind if you don't." I nodded.

"I will… I just want to give her some time…" He smiled sadly to me and fell into conversation with Sam. I sat in the chair just listening to Bella chat with the girls. Her voice was hoarse and I could tell she'd been screaming…a lot. It reminded me of my talk with Jaxon this morning and I wasn't looking forward to being in his head later. None of us were.

I looked around to the guys in the room. Since Bella left for Nashville, Jacob, Jared and Embry have all made the change. And it was looking like Quil would too. A group of vampires just moved back to town permanently and it had set Embry off two weeks ago and Quil was bulking up fast. We were lucky Embry was so in control of his wolf…he hadn't been like me at all. He wasn't a very angry guy though, so that probably helped a lot. Now that Bella's family knew, things had gotten a lot more tight knit. Charlie knew and understood why I avoided Bella and he actually kept in touch with us if he was ever looking for witnesses or trying to find a scent trail. It had been a process, but they finally accepted that our world exists. I looked to Bella and saw her taking a glass of water Sue offered her and she thanked her.

Looking at her…I was nervous. I mean…a lot had changed since she left…we never actually "broke up"…it was always just implied. Of course I'd heard she had dated since then…I couldn't blame her. I knew she was single now though. I remember mailing her things back to her and sighed. I'd been so angry that she didn't reply to me…I'd wanted to reconcile…to see where we were at now that I knew I wouldn't be a danger to her. And I let my emotions get the better of me. I went on one of my Paul hissy fits and just threw everything that reminded me of her in a box and slapped an address on it. It was low of me…but I couldn't change it now. My only hope was that she'd take my apology and accept my offer to be civil for the time that she's here. Leah got up and went up the stairs to the washroom and I watched Claire disappear into the kitchen. We made eye contact and I felt my nerves spike. I looked to her and saw her eyes turn gentle…she gave me the faintest smile…it would have been almost impossible to notice if I didn't know my Red.

Red…I felt my heart clench at her nickname. She'd gotten it one day when we were driving home from busking in Seattle. It was a far drive…but she was 100% worth it. We'd been chatting about random things and she gave me her typical Bella sass. It was fantastic…I always deserved it and it was always entertaining. That day I looked at her and I said

"_You're red."_ She had laughed and complained that she wasn't blushing and I'd had to explain. She was Red…because she was sassy and bold. She smoldered with attitude…character…talent. And to top it off, Red is my favourite colour. And she's my favourite person. She'd gotten all lovey-dovey with me and kissed my cheek. I'd remember that day until I die. That was the day I'd realized that just like my favourite colour…my world would be bland and grey without her.

She broke our eye contact when Jacob had come over and given her a hug. They chatted for a bit and I got up to chat with Charlie and the guys in the kitchen.

"Paul, my boy. I…I wanted to ask. Would you be a paul-bearer? Tucker always adored you. You and Bella have been friends for so long…and then dated…and Tucker always thought of you like a brother." I looked to Jaxon and Isaac who were watching me and I nodded.

"Charlie…I'd be honoured." I told him and he clapped me on the shoulder.

"Come on boys. Let's go outside." He said and grabbed a few beers, passing one to each of us. It seemed he didn't care who was old enough today.

We stood outside for a little while, drinking our beers and chatting about random, meaningless topics when Bella and many of the others came out back, beers in hand. A few of the dads and Sam had brought cases of Charlie's favourite.

"I don't care." Bella said, looking to her dad and popping the tab. He shrugged and clinked her can.

"I want to make a toast." Charlie began. "To friends, family, and the one's we can't do without. Life is short and you never know when everything can change. So never hold back." He said and everyone voiced his or her sincerest agreement, some shedding silent tears. I looked and saw Bella take a swig of her beer and fall into discussion with Isaac. Charlie came up to me after making a round of the group.

"Alright. I've got you, Jacob, Sam, Harry, Phil, and Tuck's best friend David. He really wanted to be apart of this. You six are the paul-bearers and I was wondering if you could come over tomorrow night and I'll go over the details with you guys." I nodded, swallowing my mouthful of beer.

"Yea of course. If you guys need anything else…the pack and I are always here." I finished in a low voice. Most of the people here knew about the pack…but I didn't want to chance Bella hearing. This was _not_ the time. He nodded.

"Thanks…I'm sure there will be stuff to do. I don't really know…how to go about this stuff. I mean…when my parents went…I was still with Renee and she organized a lot of it for me." I nodded. It had to be difficult. Especially when it's his son.

"It's ok dad…I remember when Grandma Dwyer passed away. Mom was useless and I helped a lot." Bella said, coming up behind him. I made eye contact with her and nodded, she nodded back.

"Bells I don't want to over work you right now. You need time to heal." She nodded.

"I know…but…I want to make it as special as I can…he deserves it." She told him and I saw a few tears fall down her cheek. He tossed an arm around her and pulled her close to his side, kissing the top of her head.

"And it will be. You can count on it." He told her. He sighed and looked to each of us.

"I think we need another beer." I chuckled and thanked him, watching him walk away and leaving me with Bella.

"Hey…" I started and she looked up to my eyes.

"Hey…" She mirrored and I sighed.

"Look. There's so much going on right now…and all that's going through my mind is that…I don't want to distract you or argue…I don't want to make this about what happened…I want to make it about you and your family." She looked up to my eyes and I saw a flicker there…I'm not sure what it was…but it seemed kind and gentle…with an added dose of Red.

"I just…I want you to know that…I'm here." I finished, unsure of what else to say. I miss you? I wish you never left? I want another chance…_'no.'_ I told myself. I can't think like that anymore. She gave me a soft smile and sighed.

"Thank you…to be honest it hasn't even hit me yet that I'm home…but I don't want to fight either. I just…I just want to be with my friends and family." I nodded.

"I really wanted to thank you." She told me and I gave her a curious look. "Well…I see the way you've stayed close to my family…I heard you're a paul-bearer…I mean…I guess I want to say thank you…for helping my family through times like this. I really appreciate it." She said and I nodded.

"It's no problem really I-" but she cut me off.

"But it's a big deal to me. And I needed you to know." She said and my mouth fell into a small smile. I nodded back and she gave me a small smile of her own. She leaned forward, putting her hand on my forearm and tip-toed up to leave a small kiss on my cheek. I of course had to lean down to her so she could reach.

I watched her pull back and smile, walking over to Claire and Leah. They spent a bit of time catching up…light topics. I just stood still. I did my best to keep my face neutral…keep my body from tensing. But Bella had kissed me…had touched me.

In that moment I felt like…I needed to hold her. Get closer to her. Be everything she's ever needed.

When she touched me…I imprinted.

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><p><strong>Bella POV<strong>

I sat on the couch with Isaac. Everyone had left about an hour ago…it had been a very long day. I looked to the clock and saw it was just after midnight and I sighed, leaning into Isaac, his arm around my shoulders.

"It's weird how things don't sink in until everyone's gone." I told him and he nodded against my head.

"I know…the house feels fuller now that you're home…and emptier all at the same time." I nodded against his shoulder.

"I know." I replied. Jaxon came into the living room and sat in the chair.

"It's really nice having you home Bella. Isaac hasn't looked this complete since you left." I smiled softly and closed my eyes.

"I haven't either." I said.

"And yet emptier." Isaac supplied and I nodded.

"Exactly." I finished and opened my eyes to see Jaxon smiling at us. He always loved our twin moments.

"You know what I miss?" I said and they both turned their attention to me. "Remember when we all used to climb into dad's bed and watch Saturday morning cartoons? He'd be at work and we'd all just stay in his room all morning until he came home on his lunch to see us." The guys nodded, a smile on Jaxon's face.

"Yea…he never quite trusted me to take care of the three of you." I laughed.

"Yea because you were usually the ring leader of bad ideas." I told him and he chuckled, mocking offense.

"Hey now. You weren't so innocent yourself." I smiled and shrugged.

"And yet I'm still the princess." I told him and Isaac chuckled.

"Yea, yea." He said and I sighed. After a few moments of silence I looked to Jaxon.

"Can we go watch TV in dad's bed?" I asked, tears threatening to fall. He looked at me and his eyes turned soft. He nodded and got up form his chair. Isaac and I got up too and they followed me up to dad's room. Dad was at the station making sure time off was covered and he said he needed to do a few minutes of paper work. We got into his room and I turned on a lamp. Jaxon grabbed the remote and flicked the TV on. None of us cared what we watched…it was more about the activity.

When we were little, Jaxon would lean against the headboard on the left side and Isaac and I would lay on our stomachs side by side on the right side, head propped up on our elbows. Tuck was little so he'd curl up on his side at Jax's feet. I looked to the bed and saw Jax and Isaac had taken their positions and I took a much-needed breath. I went around the bed to Jax's feet and curled up on my side, right where he used to lay. I put my head on Jax's leg and we watched late night sitcoms until we all fell asleep.

* * *

><p>I woke up in the morning to sun cascading through the window and stretched, my legs hanging off the bed as I did.I could curl up into a ball just fine but truth be told, we didn't quite all fit on the bed like we used to. I sat up and looked to the guys and saw Jaxon sleeping on his back, Isaac sleeping on his stomach, and my dad on his side, sleeping on the edge of the bed. I looked to them all and sighed. I wasn't sure I had any tears in me today.<p>

It's hard to explain…yesterday I could do nothing but cry…and today it's like…I was just heavy. Today was a day for getting things done…I could cry at the funeral…but I needed to get everything today perfect.

I looked at the clock: 8am. I got out of the bed and stretched again. I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth and did my business. I went downstairs and opened the fridge. Perfect. I'd wake them up right, with a nice breakfast.

At around 8:30am Isaac and Jaxon came groggily down the stairs, smelling breakfast.

"Well would you look at this. Can you move home? Please? I'll pay you just as well to make bacon every morning." Isaac told me and I laughed, shaking my head.

"I highly doubt that." I told him, pouring them both a cup of coffee.

"How's that whole gig goin' anyway?" Jaxon asked me, sleep heavy in his voice. I shrugged.

"It's going really well actually. I've been in the studio a number of times…I have a few songs recorded and polished…a few still under review. The gigs pay alright money but not nearly enough to live on." He nodded and grabbed a plate.

"So what's the next step then?" He asked and I gave him some scrambled egg.

"Well the label paid for me to travel to a few radio stations this summer and I played two or three songs on there…nowhere huge though. Once the album is put together we can start sending it out to stations. My producer, Bob, was talking about possibly releasing a single soon. Try and get my name out there." He nodded.

"That's kind of cool, eh?" He asked and I nodded.

"Yea it is… I mean…the album shouldn't take more than a year. Bob said first albums usually have eleven or twelve songs on them and I'm at five if this last one pans out well. I've vetoed about five from being on the record so I'm being pretty choosy about the whole thing." He chuckled.

"Surprise, surprise." Isaac said and I laughed too.

"You have to be! It's not about quantity. It's all quality…I need to make people want a second album before I've even written for it." Jaxon winked to me as he took a piece of toast.

"Hey. I don't have any doubt." He told me and I smiled. I heard dad shuffling around upstairs and poured another cup of coffee.

"Morning." I told him as he came into the kitchen and he nodded, yawning.

"Morning." He said, taking his coffee. I made him a plate and we all sat down and had breakfast.

"I hate to get into this mode but…we have a lot to do today kids." He told us and we nodded.

"We have to meet the funeral director at one so I wanted to get to a few places before that. You think it's possible?" He asked and we nodded again. We were all silent for a few moments.

"So…how 'bout that sleepover." Isaac asked and I felt a smile come onto my face.

"I came into the bedroom last night around 1:30am and you were all passed right out." Dad said with a chuckle and I smiled to Jaxon. Dad didn't say anything else about it, we all just fell into simple conversation about work and the weather…but I could see it in my dad's eyes. He'd needed that last night…I think we all did. We were a family…and we needed each other now more than ever.

After I cleaned up from breakfast, with the guys help of course, I went upstairs to shower and get ready for the day – it was going to be a long one. I tossed on a pair of jean shorts and a black tank top, letting my hair curl naturally. I waited in my room while the other guys got ready and looked to my songbook and guitar. Of course…I never went anywhere without them. I heard something in my head…but I wasn't quite sure what it was. I grabbed my guitar and played a simple melody and recorded it on my phone. I wasn't sure what it would be yet…but I knew it would be Tuck inspired.

* * *

><p>I lay in the middle of the living room carpet and sighed. It had been such a long day…and it was only six. I looked to Isaac asleep on the couch and I could hear Jaxon on the phone with someone…I wasn't really paying attention. Dad was at the kitchen table making a list of things that still needed to be done.<p>

I heard a knock on the door and sighed, getting to my feet with a groan. I went to the door and opened it, looking up to see Jake's face. Not that I hadn't noticed yesterday…but it was like all the guys around here had caught onto a huge growth spurt. It made Paul's seem less weird that's for sure. I stood to the side, inviting the guys in. Jake, Paul, David, Harry, and Sam all came pouring into the house and I ushered them into the living room.

"Dad's just making a list of things we need to do…he'll come in here when he's done." I told them and they nodded, taking seats in the living room. I took my spot back on the floor and Jake laughed.

"Bella…what are you doing?" He asked and I groaned.

"Well…we all slept in dad's bed last night…and I slept in a ball…so I'm stretching my back after a long day." I told him and he chuckled again. The guys smiled at my story.

"You all slept in your dad's bed?" Harry asked and I nodded with a laugh.

"Yea…it was cute." I said seriously, though I broke into a smile right after. I heard Paul chuckle and I smiled. It was nice to hear that sound again.

"Sorry to leave you guys waiting I was just in the zone." My dad told them as he came into the living room they told him it was no problem and they got down to business.

"Alright. The funeral will be Tuesday morning at eleven, should go until about noon. Then we are headed to the cemetery and afterwards we are all coming back here for a wake barbeque. If you guys or the girls at home want to make something to bring, that'd be great…I'll take care of the burgers and hotdogs." He told them and they nodded.

"Sue will for sure make something…I'll get her to call you tomorrow." Harry said and Paul nodded.

"Yea my mom said yesterday to ask you when I came over today about what food she could bring to the wake…I guess she just assumed." My dad nodded.

"Just tell them to call and let me know…whatever they decide is fine." I lay on the floor listening to them until I felt my eyes go wide.

"Oh…oh….OH!" I yelled and threw myself up and ran to the stairs. I burst into my room grabbing my guitar, strumming a few chords. I played back what I had on my phone and threw my songbook open. I jotted down a few words…I'd finally gotten it.

* * *

><p><strong>Paul POV<strong>

"What the hell was that?!" Jake asked and I just chuckled.

"She got a song idea." I told him and he just looked to where she had left and shook his head.

"She's gonna break something moving that fast." He said and I only smiled. We could hear her upstairs of course…but I tried to give her some privacy.

"You guys don't…plan to tell her…right?" Charlie asked and Sam shook his head.

"No…not right now. There's too much on her plate." Sam told him and I felt my insides tighten. Bella…my imprint. She…she'll know someday. One day soon when she's back from making this record and I can explain things fully…I'd have her back. Well…I'd have what she'll give me. I'm sure it won't be anything more than friendship to start…but I hoped that one day she'll take me back. I know I didn't say it enough but…

I've never stopped loving her.

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><p><strong>Enjoy!<strong>


	6. Happiness

**I know some of you have reviewed that you're not pleased they aren't telling Bella about the wolves but during a time of tragedy it just isn't realistic. That would kind of be like talking to your friend during a crisis and having them make it about themselves. Bella needs to deal with her brother's passing, not open her mind to the notion of wolves. Remember: they still don't know she dated a vampire. So it wouldn't be so easy in their minds.**

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><p><strong>Chapter Six: Happiness<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Paul POV<strong>

I watched her walk up to the stand and sigh. She sniffled away the tears and looked out to the crowd. Her and the family were asked if they wanted to put together a speech or something during the service and Bella had of course said yes. Tuck was closer to her than anyone…I wasn't surprised.

"When they ask you to say something…it's not always easy. I mean…what do you say? You know? I could say I miss him…or that he was the most amazing young man…but its been said…and I know we are all thinking it. So…I wanted to do something a little more personal." She grabbed her guitar that was waiting against the wall and sat on a stool. They gave her a mic stand and she settled in.

"This is called 'Happiness'." She told us and I felt my heart clench. We all understood what she meant. Anyone that knew them knew their parting words every time they said goodbye.

"_Happiness was just outside my window / I thought it'd crash blowing 80-miles an hour / But happiness is a little more like knocking / On your door, you just let it in _

_Happiness feels a lot like sorrow / Let it be, you can't make it come or go / But you are gone, not for good but for now / And gone for now feels a lot like gone for good _

_Happiness is a firecracker sitting on my headboard / Happiness was never mine to hold / Careful child, light the fuse and get away / 'Cause happiness throws a shower of sparks / Yeah, Yeah_

_Happiness damn near destroys you / Breaks your faith to pieces on the floor / So you tell yourself, that's enough for now / But happiness has a violent roar _

_Happiness, it's like the old man told me / Look for it, but you'll never find it all / But let it go, live your life and leave it / Then one day, you'll wake up and he'll be home* / Home / He'll be / He'll be / He'll be home / He'll be home / He'll be home / He'll be home / He will be home, yeah / He will be home, yeah / He'll be home / He'll be home / He'll be_

Everyone clapped and watched as tears poured down her cheeks. She wiped her face and put a hand on his casket.

"I hope your day is filled with happiness." She whispered. No one other than the pack would have heard…but it was there. Strained and desperate. She went and sat beside her brothers and Charlie and the reverend continued the service. Bella was the last family member to speak, Isaac, Jaxon, and Charlie had already said a few words.

I watched her shoulders slump and I felt the tears come to the surface. I cried, not only for Tucker but for Bella too. I could feel her pain…and it ripped me apart inside. I never imagined imprinting at a time of such loss and tragedy…it's very overwhelming to take on such feelings. But I still couldn't imagine being her.

I hadn't told anyone yet that I'd imprinted. I would…but not until she's gone back to Nashville. I knew I needed to let her go back…I see it even more clearly now that I've imprinted. It's what she needs and I need to be supportive. She's far too talented to go unrecognized. Even hearing her voice now…I see she's improved, if that was even possible. I'm sure she'd say I was exaggerating or whatever…but I've never said she was anything less than perfect.

* * *

><p>I pulled the car into an open spot on the side of the road. Everyone was now headed back to Charlie's for the wake. The ceremony and burial had been perfect, obviously Bella had taken care of the final touches. It was beautifully decorated with flowers and pictures, it felt loving and cozy…like it had a living room touch. The photos were what did it. You didn't necessarily feel like you were in a funeral home…it felt like family and friendship.<p>

I watched as Bella greeted Jake, Rachel, and Billy, a careful kiss on their cheeks. She was gorgeous, even through the tears. She wore a knee length black dress, it was lace on top with sleeves and skirted on the bottom…I don't know the terminology for dresses… but it looked beautiful on her. Her hair was down and straight, pulled back at the sides into a nice black bow. Her makeup was simple and she had red lips. I just couldn't help but admire her. I got up to the door and she smiled, hugging Claire, Laura, and my mom. She smiled to me and reached up, giving me a kiss on the cheek and I smiled to her.

"How you holding up sweetie?" My mom asked and she took a deep breath.

"I'm not sure, to be honest. I think I've cried about all I can. It sounds weird to say…but I'm glad it's over with. I just want to hang out with everyone and celebrate who he was…you know?" She told my mom, who nodded.

"Oh I know what you mean. The hard part of saying goodbye is over. Now it's time to rest and wait for the day to day stuff." Bella nodded and sighed.

"Yea…I'm not looking forward to going back to Tennessee." She said and my mom glanced to me.

"Oh, when are you leaving?" Bella shrugged.

"Well technically I'm supposed to be working all this week but they were really understanding. I've got some writing I need to do and studio time booked so…I'll be heading back Thursday." She said. That was in a day and a half. I took a deep, calming breath and smiled. The girls went inside and I stayed behind to talk to Bella.

"Your performance today was…was outstanding, Red." I told her and her eyes sparkled at her nickname.

"Thank you." She told me and I smiled.

"Well…I've always been a fan." I told her with a wink and she laughed. I memorized the way it sounded and looked on her beautiful face. I heard a car door and saw that the Clearwater's had just arrived and I knew I'd need to be moving along. I looked back to her and it was like she could see the hesitation on my face.

"I'll catch up with you in a bit?" She said and I nodded, just grateful she wasn't dismissing me. I moved inside and was greeted by Charlie.

"My boy, thank you again for today." He told me and I nodded.

"Hey, don't mention it. Anything for you guys." I told him and he smiled, handing me a beer.

"The guys are all outback." He told me and I nodded, heading out the kitchen back door.

"Paul." Jaxon greeted me, raising his beer. I did the same and we were joined by Jake.

"Saw you and Bella talking." Jake said and I shrugged.

"Yea." He shrugged too.

"Just surprised at how well you're taking all this." He said and I shook my head chuckling.

"I'm not always a dick." I said and Jaxon chuckled too.

"Yea, his weakness has always been his _Red."_ He said and I looked to him.

"You should be happy about that, given your position as the older brother." I told him and he chuckled again.

"Oh I am. You were always good to my sister." I took a drink and sighed.

"Well she's not a pain in my ass like you guys." I told them with a nudge to Embry, who chuckled.

"Yea, yea." He said and took a drink of his beer too. Charlie's been pretty lenient about the drinking age lately.

"Well, don't you all look dapper." We heard behind us and saw Bella, Claire, and Leah, each sipping some wine.

"We do look good. I think this should be my everyday clothes." Jared said and we chuckled.

"And you ladies look lovely, as always." Sam said and they thanked him.

"So…do we have any food around here?" Bella asked and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Still eat like a grown man?" I asked her and she patted her stomach.

"More like two." Claire said and Bella laughed.

"I can't help it! I get hungry." She said and Jake tossed an arm around her shoulders.

"Nothing wrong with a girl that likes to eat." He said and she took a drink of her wine.

"Yea so shut up." She told me with a smile on her face and the guys all laughed. I raised my hands in surrender and chuckled.

"I think they are firing up the barbeque soon." Jaxon told her and she rubbed her stomach again.

"Thank God." I chuckled again and the guys gave me a weird look at my good mood. Apparently my good moods were few and far between these days. I smiled to Bella who returned it and I couldn't help but feel content. Claire gave me a smirk and I only rolled my eyes. She's been hoping Bella and I would get back together since she left.

"Bella, dear. I just wanted to give you my deepest sympathies…" An older woman said coming up to Bella. I was pretty sure it was a relative. Bella fell into conversation with her and I realized I'd have to have some quality time with her later on. I went into the house and found Charlie pulling burgers and hotdogs out of the fridge.

"Oh thank God, your daughter's about to starve." I told him and he chuckled.

"Well I'd better hop to it then. You wanna grab the buns and paper plates?" He asked and I nodded, grabbing them off the counter and following him outside. Bella was being approached by another few people. I could hear them giving their condolences and asking her about Tennessee. I put the buns and plates down on the barbeque stand and was greeted by Claire.

"How's the whole charade going?" She asked with a smirk and I rolled my eyes.

"What charade." I asked bluntly and she giggled.

"Oh…just you pretending you don't still have it bad for Bella." I shook my head and smiled.

"Oh about as well as you pretending you and Jaxon aren't together." She looked to me, eyes wide.

"You hush!" She said and I chuckled.

"You know I can't tell Bella…I mean…she'd be all confused…the age gap…it just can't be explained without telling her about the pack and the whole…imprinting situation." Jaxon had imprinted on Claire a while back but they'd only just gotten closer. They maintained a friendship for the longest time but everyone could see it was starting to develop into something more. I don't think Bella would care, but Claire did have a point. Bella didn't need to be bothered with werewolves at the moment.

"I can see it though…the connection between you two." Claire said and I rubbed the back of my neck.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I told her and she laughed.

"Oh please. Everyone can see it, Paul. She's still your world. She may be going back to Tennessee…and there may be things and people in the way…but she'll always be your Red." She told me, as if it was as simple as that. I just took a drink of my beer and sighed. I didn't really have a response to that…of course I still loved Bella…though I probably wouldn't admit it. That word seemed to be a sore spot for me…and Bella didn't deserve that. Maybe one day when I'm capable of actually telling her…then maybe she'd be mine again. Until then…I'd have to be patient.

* * *

><p>A few hours later everyone was here and had eaten. People were bustling about and chatting. I'd tried a few times now to get Bella off to the sidelines to chat but every time I get near her or manage to say hello, someone comes up and needs her attention. I saw her standing by the door talking to Leah and so I walked over to them. We made eye contact and I smiled.<p>

"Bella! I never asked you. How's the whole music thing going?! Is our girl a star yet?" They'd interrupted before I could even open my mouth. I sighed and she looked to me, smiling apologetically, turning to the middle aged woman who had struck up conversation with her. Leah smiled to me and we went into the house, both our drinks needing refreshing.

"Can't catch a break, can you?" She asked and I shrugged.

"Seemingly not." I told her with a chuckle as I grabbed a beer from the fridge. She poured herself another glass of wine and smiled.

"You'll get your chance. The night is still young." She told me and I sighed. I hope so…I really wanted to get the chance to talk to her and catch up before she leaves. It was proving to be a difficult task.

"Hey! What are you guys up to?" Jake asked as he came into the kitchen. I held up my beer and he nodded, grabbing another from the fridge as well.

"Good call." He said and I laughed. He popped the beer tab and I sighed, leaning against the counter. We fell into small conversation for a few minutes until the kitchen door opened and Bella came through, sighing.

"Long day?" Leah asked and she nodded, pouring herself a glass of wine. Leah and Jake shared a look and gracefully excused themselves, leaving Bella and I alone. Finally.

"You're a popular girl. I didn't think I'd get the chance to talk to you." I said and she nodded, sipping her wine.

"I've been busy, that's for sure." She said and I nodded.

"Want to go sit on the porch?" She asked, making eye contact with me and I smiled warmly, nodding. I followed her to the front door and we settled on the front porch swing. Bella kicked off her heals and sighed, bringing her feet up under herself, careful to keep her dress flattened. I looked to her and smiled uncomfortably. I'd wanted to speak with her…but I never actually thought of what to say.

"So how have you been?" She asked and I sighed, shrugging.

"Oh I've been great." She fell silent until I looked to her and she smiled.

"That bad, huh?" She asked and I chuckled, tension releasing from my shoulders.

"You could say that." I said and she nodded.

"I can relate." She said and I sighed, looking to her.

"I've missed you." I whispered and the smile slipped from her lips and she held my gaze. She was silent though and I felt guilty.

"I know…I have no right to say that to you. I just…needed you to know that…I never wanted it to end like this." She took a deep breath and lifted her eyes to mine.

"That's the difference." She said and I watched her closely.

"I never wanted it to end at all." She whispered and I felt my heart break for her. I turned to her and took her hand in mine.

"Red…you need to know how sorry I am…I just-" But I was cut off by Bella, shaking her head.

"Paul let's not do this." She told me and I looked into her eyes. She sighed and held my hand.

"Seeing you again…it's…hard. But it's also so…so nice. And we've been getting along…I just want to focus on today and not worry about…us." She said and I nodded, watching her lean back and relax, a small smile on her face.

"But I missed you too." She told me and I smiled, allowing myself to relax as well. We sat there in silence for a few minutes, rocking back and forth until her beautiful voice broke the night.

"You remember when we went upstate to busk and we got lost?" I looked to her and chuckled.

"Yea. And I almost killed us." I said and she laughed too. I had been so distracted by her smiling face that I'd almost ran a red light. She'd laughed of course…but I had been pretty embarrassed.

"That you did." She told me and smiled.

"I didn't see you blush too often…but when you did it was pretty entertaining." She said and I smiled to her.

"You blush all the time." I said and she laughed, and I could see her cheeks tint red.

"Another reason to call you Red." She looked to me. "You're damn cute when you blush." I told her and she laughed, trying to hide her embarrassment but it didn't work. She couldn't hide it from me.

"Yea, yea." She said and I smiled.

"You know…you seem…different." She told me and I looked to her curiously. She watched my face and shrugged.

"I don't know what it is…but you seem…happier." She said and I sighed, holding her hand still.

"Only around you." I said and she sighed too.

"Paul…" She started but this time I cut her off.

"No…you just…I need you to know. I was an idiot, Bella. If I could go back…I would have let you leave." I told her and she looked to me confused. "But I never would have let you go." I finished and I saw a tear fall down her cheek.

"Bella…I know we can sit here and pretend…that everything is happy and easy between us…but…I know I've hurt you." She took a deep breath and nodded.

"Getting the box in the mail was pretty tough." She told me and I shook my head.

"Yea that was pretty…impulsive of me." She shrugged.

"What is it?" I asked and she sighed.

"You just…seem so different. I mean…you were always incredible to me but you…you just seem…" but she paused, as if she had no more words. I sighed.

"You too." I told her and she nodded, another tear falling from her eyes.

"Yea…I guess I am." She said and I nodded.

"So…I heard you were…involved with someone." I said and she laughed, sniffling.

"Not anymore." She said and I nodded.

"Do I need to pay him a visit?" I asked, earning a smile from her.

"Always the hero." She told me and I smiled back.

"Well I try." I said and she sighed.

"No…he's got his coming." She told me and I gave her a curious look. She grinned. "He gave me some good material." She said and I laughed. Listening to her talk about some guy being with her…or hurting her…it was hard. But it felt great that she was ok and that she'd get her revenge so to speak.

"Well I look forward to hearing it." I told her and she laughed again. We were silent for a minute until something occurred to me.

"Wait a minute…is there…do I have something coming?" I asked and she giggled and bit and sighed.

"What can I say. I write about my life." She said and I nodded.

"Yea I suppose I had should have known." I said and she laughed, shaking her head.

"You don't have it that bad compared to Edward." She told me and I chuckled.

"Well I don't know if that makes me happy or angry." I told her and she gave me a curious look.

"Well…that means he hurt you more than I did…and I hurt you pretty bad." Her eyes softened and she sighed.

"Well…he wasn't a saint." She said and I nodded. I knew I didn't want to get into detail about it and she probably didn't either. Hearing someone treated her badly…it hurt. After a few moments of silence I coughed awkwardly.

"So…you're headed back Thursday?" I asked and she nodded.

"Yea…I've got a lot of work to do." She said and I took a sip of my beer, which was turning warm.

"Have you started recording and stuff?" I asked and she nodded.

"Yea, I have a few tracks recorded. It's been a total whirlwind to be honest…I've been writing with a guy named Joe and he's been pretty incredible. It's like…we're just on the same wavelength. He gets me…you know?" She asked and I nodded, waiting for her to continue.

"And then I got a band together…they are truly great people…very talented. They've recorded a few songs with me and the majority of them will make it onto the record. I have a ways to go…but I'm getting there." She finished with a big smile on her face. I mirrored her smile and felt her contentment.

"I always knew you were special, Red." I told her and she turned her eyes to mine.

"I really don't know where I would be without you in my life." She whispered and I gave her a curious look. She shrugged.

"You just…you always pushed me. And not in a bad way…but you always forced me to see my potential…and I really couldn't imagine where I would be without all the effort you put in. I mean…the hours spent driving to busier places to busk and the positive reinforcement…the constructive criticism. I owe so much to you." She finished and I brought my hand to her cheek. She closed her eyes and I sighed.

"You were worth every second, Red." I told her and she placed her hand over mine, opening her eyes. We maintained eye contact and I felt myself leaning forward. She started to lean in as well and I felt our lips barely touch when she pulled away and stood up from the swing.

"I can't…I…I just can't do this." She told me and I tried desperately to clear my head. I looked to her and saw tears filling her eyes.

"I just…when you stopped calling…it hurt so bad. I mean…I think about it all the time. What the hell could I have done…how could I have messed it up so badly…and it kills me, Paul. It rips into me like a knife every time and I don't…I don't want to step backwards." She said, tears rolling down her face. "I can't let you in…because I can't risk losing you again." She whispered and I felt my heart burn painfully.

"Red I'm sorry…I didn't mean to make you cry." I told her and she wiped her cheeks, sitting back down beside me.

"Paul…seeing you again…it made my heart happy. You're so…different. The way you look at me…it's…it's new and filled with beautiful things. And it's like I'm meeting you for the first time and yet we have all this beautiful history. It makes me feel…" She paused and looked into my eyes momentarily before looking down to her hands. "But then I remember the not-so-beautiful things…and I just…I'm not ready to be close…or even friends." I watched another tear fall down her cheek.

"I just need more time." She whispered and I nodded.

"I understand, Red. And I'm willing to give you all the time you need I just…I can't imagine any kind of life without you. And if being able to keep you close means letting you go for a while…then I'll do that. I'd give you anything, Red. I'd give you the world if I could." I told her and she looked up into my eyes and sighed, putting her hand to my cheek. She leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on my cheek. She then silently stood and grabbed her shoes, disappearing back inside the house.

I sat here by myself, the silence of the night screaming at me for a while…just giving my heart the chance to numb itself from the pain it felt. I missed her presence already. I sighed as I heard the door open and looked over to see Claire and Jaxon watching me.

"So much for waiting." He told me, and I looked to his face, not seeing any trace of anger.

"It just kind of…happened." I told him and he sighed, coming to stand in front of me while Claire sat in Bella's vacated spot.

"You do realize the predicament you're in." He told me and I sighed, knowing what he meant.

"You know that what I have with Tiffany is nothing compared to what Bella and I had." I told him and watched him scratch the back of his neck.

"I don't get it. I mean…you're in a relationship, Paul. What if Bella had have reciprocated? What would you have done?" He asked and I shook my head.

"I don't really give a fuck." I spit out and watched his face twist into confusion. I knew what it looked like…I was dating Tiffany…had been for about a month now. She was my age and had gone to school with us…a friend of Rachel Black's. But he didn't understand…and I knew there was no point in hiding it.

"I imprinted." I told him honestly and his head shot up to me in shock. I chuckled without humour.

"Red's who I belong with. I can't help that I imprinted with Tiffany in the picture…or with Bella leaving so soon…but I needed her to know how sorry I am and that when she's ready…I can't live without her." I told him and his eyes turned soft. Claire hugged my arm and sighed.

"Oh, Paul. What are you going to do? She's leaving in a day…" She said sadly and I shrugged.

"What I need to do…give her time and space…and hope that she comes back to me."

* * *

><p><strong>There you have it! A few notes to make:<strong>

**Lyric change: I changed the lyrics from "She'll be home" to "He'll be home"***

**Bella's Dress can be found here:**

** clothing/eliza-j-three-quarter-sleeve-lace-v-neck-cockail-dress-black/**

**I also realize I never posted a link to what Bella's dress looked like for her sweet 16**

** clothing/theia-featherhem-lace-cocktail-dress-blonde-10/**


	7. Let It Hurt

**Chapter Seven: Let It Hurt**

* * *

><p><strong>Bella POV<strong>

I woke up and looked around my bedroom, forgetting for a moment where I was. I blinked a few times and looked to the clock, 7:42am. I remembered the events of yesterday and immediately my depressed mood set in. I buried my baby brother yesterday.

I sighed up to the ceiling and told myself to pull it together. The time for tears was past and I needed to be strong. I threw the covers off and tossed my feet over the side of my bed and stood. I ran my hand through my hair and walked groggily to the bathroom to do my business and brush my teeth. It was only 7am but I just couldn't sleep anymore. I made my way downstairs to see my dad drinking his coffee at the kitchen table. My brothers must still be asleep.

"Morning dad." I told him and he smiled to me. I poured myself a cup of coffee and sat across from him.

"What are you up to today, Bells?" He asked and I shrugged.

"I don't know…maybe just hang out around here. The girls want to see me again before I leave and I need to pack too so…" I trailed off. He nodded and I took a sip of my coffee. I felt bad for leaving so soon but I had to. If I want to be back home for good in less than a year then I needed to get back and get to work.

"How are things going in Tennessee anyway?" He asked and I smiled.

"Good. I mean…I have about five songs that have been recorded and are album ready. I have a lot more writing and work to do but the guys and I are on top of it." He smiled and nodded.

"I'm so proud of you, Bells." He told me and I smiled too. We weren't a very emotional family…so his words meant a lot.

"Thanks dad." I whispered and he put his hand on mine for a second, then taking a sip of his coffee to distract him from the touching moment. We drank our coffees in silence until the front door opened. I gave my dad a confused look until I saw Jaxon, Sam, and Paul enter the kitchen looking tired.

"Are you just getting home?" I asked and they looked surprised to see me. Sam smiled and nodded and Paul looked uncomfortable.

"Uh…yea. I went to Sam's last night to help him with some renovations he has going on. We were up all night." That's odd. Why stay up all night fixing up the house? I didn't question it though. Ever since I was about thirteen he's been in and out of the house at all hours…never really giving a solid explanation. We never question it…but I've always found it a bit strange. I smiled to the other guys and took another sip of my coffee. My dad looked to them.

"Help yourselves to a cup of coffee, guys." Thankfully, all three grabbed a cup.

"So, what are you doing up so early, Bells?" Jaxon asked and I shrugged.

"Couldn't sleep anymore." I told him and he nodded.

"Loud up here?" He asked, pointing to his temple and I nodded.

"Deafening." I whispered, though they all seemed to have heard me. I took another sip of my coffee and eyed them. They all looked a lot alike anymore. Tall, built…Jaxon had always had short hair but Sam and Paul had both cut their long locks. Sam a while back…Paul not long into when we were dating. Said he felt weird having longer hair than me. I smiled down at my coffee at the thought. But even still…Jake, Embry, Jared…they had all cut their hair too. And they were all huge…everyone seemed to have hit a growth spurt since I left. Must be in the Quileute blood.

"Something wrong, Red?" Paul asked me and I looked up startled. I was wide-eyed for a moment. It was as if he could read my mind. I threw a small smile on my face and shook my head.

"No…I'm good. Just lost in thought." I told him. He only watched me until I looked back down to my coffee…almost begging it to speak for me. Jaxon was right…my head was just too noisy.

"So what are you up to today?" Jaxon asked as he came up behind me and grabbed the paper sitting on the table. My dad must have already read it.

"Well…I have to pack…but I think Leah and Claire are coming over. I was thinking I'd-" But I was cut off my my cellphone vibrating on the table in front of me.

"Sorry…just a sec, hello?"

"_Heya Bella. How's it goin' girl?" _I immediately recognized Joe's voice on the phone and smiled.

"I'm ok…just enjoying my coffee."

"_I wasn't sure you'd be up yet…but I wanted to try and catch you before I went into this meeting I have today with Mike. He was talking to me about possibly…getting one of your recorded songs and sending it out to a few radio stations." _My eyes went wide and I put my cup down. My silence must have amused him because he chuckled.

"_I thought that might perk you up. Now, we can talk more about it when you're back…but we wanted to get started on narrowing down the selection. But I really wanted to know what you thought about it and which song you think you'd like to release."_ I thought for a moment and sighed.

"That's really hard…do you have an idea?" I asked and he chuckled again.

"_When am I ever without an opinion?"_ He asked and I laughed. _"I was thinking _'I Knew You Were Trouble'_. It's fun and I think for the first single fun and catchy is the way to go."_ I thought about it for a moment and nodded.

"Yea I think I agree. You're talking to Mike about that today?"

"_Yea I have a meeting with him at 8:30 this morning."_

"That's so surreal." I told him and I could practically hear him smiling.

"_Well, you deserve it kiddo. Hope you've got your writing hat on for Saturday." _I smiled and nodded.

"I'm sure I'll have something in mind." I told him. We soon said our goodbyes and I hung up the phone and looked at my dad.

"That was Joe…the guy I co-write with. He said he's talking to Mike today about releasing a single." I told him and his face broke into a grin.

"That's fantastic, Bells! Congratulations!" He told me and Jaxon gave me a kiss on the top of my head. Paul smiled to me and I knew it without him needing to say it…he was internally proud.

Paul has never failed to believe in me…and I've always felt that from him. He's always encouraged me to stop at nothing until I was successful. It was only one of the million things I had always loved about him…and it hurt knowing I couldn't hug him and feel his warmth. I pushed those feelings to the back of my heart and told myself to save it. This wasn't the time.

"Looks like I'll have a lot to keep me busy when I'm back." I said taking another sip of coffee.

"So, when will you be coming back here for good?" Sam asked and I looked to him a little thrown off. We'd always been polite…but Sam was never one for much conversation. He was a lot like my dad in that way. I smiled to him and shrugged.

"Well…the plan is to work my ass off now…and be able to come back as soon as I'm finished school in June. By that time…hopefully my first album will be on the verge of coming out and I'll be able to come home for a little bit before I need to start doing radio tour…but I'll always be coming back here when I have down time. But…that's only if I keep up the balance between work and school." I told him and he nodded and smiled to me.

"So this will still be home?" He asked and I nodded.

"Yea…I love being in Nashville…and my apartment is cute and all…but I think I'd go insane if Forks wasn't home." I told him and he smiled again, glancing at Paul. I knew they must have spoken about our breakup. Paul didn't make eye contact with me…but I could see the corners of his mouth twitch. I felt my heart warm momentarily…until I reminded myself of the immense pain I felt the day I decided the relationship was dead…and I made the choice to leave. There are two moments in my life that stand out as the most painful memories that I have. The second worst was realizing Paul and I were finished. The first was hearing that Tuck had died.

I looked back down to my coffee and found it very interesting all of a sudden. I just couldn't look to him. I needed to keep my composure.

"I forgot you got your own place!" Jaxon said with a tap on my shoulder and I laughed.

"Bit loud in your brain too?" I asked and he smiled with a shrug.

"Usually." He said with a laugh at Sam and Paul. I didn't get it…but they did. I took a final gulp of my coffee and stood up to pour another one. It was turning into one of those mornings.

"So what are you boys up to now?" My dad asked and I heard Jaxon answer.

"Sleep." He said with a laugh and I heard the other two chuckle.

"You'll be up when I get home?" My dad asked and Jaxon nodded.

"Yea. I'll get dinner ready and then I'll head back to Sam's after that." I sat back down.

"I can make dinner." I told them and Jaxon looked to me.

"You sure Bells? Sam and Paul will be here." I glanced to them and nodded.

"Yea it's no big deal. Claire and Leah might be here for dinner too." I paused and took a sip of my coffee. "Maybe we should just get dinner instead." I said and my dad nodded.

"That might be easiest. Grab some money from my wallet, Bells." He told me and I laughed a bit, smiling at him over my coffee.

"Dad. I've got it." I told him and he looked at me surprised. I shrugged. "I told you I'm doing alright with the short radio tours I've got going on. I've got this one." I told him and he smiled.

"Alright." He said and got up to put his empty mug in the sink. He patted me on the shoulder and went up the stairs to get ready for work. I got up and looked in the fridge and saw he hadn't made a lunch yet so I got out a few leftovers from yesterdays barbeque. I made him lunch and put it in his lunch pale while the guys chatted at the table.

"Well…we'd better go. We'll see you tonight, Bella." Sam said and he and Paul said their goodbyes and left. Jax smiled to me from the table.

"It's nice having you home, Bells. I mean…the reason…it sucks…but…I missed you." I went over to where Jaxon sat at the table and gave him a hug. After a few moments my dad came back down the stairs in his uniform and smiled to us seeing his lunch made on the counter.

"Thanks sweetie." He said with a pat on my shoulder and I smiled to him, pulling away from Jaxon. I sat back down and continued drinking my coffee while dad collected his things.

"So what do you want for dinner, dad?" He shrugged.

"I'm good with anything, you guys decide." He said, before kissing me on the top of the head and patting Jaxon on the back. "I'll see you guys tonight." He told us and we called a goodbye to him before he closed the front door. I took another drink of my coffee and looked to Jax.

"So. Renovations?" I asked and he looked at my blankly and I laughed.

"I'll never understand you guys." I said with a smile and he smiled back. I got up from the table and popped a piece of bread in the toaster.

"What time did you want to get up?" I asked him and he shrugged.

"Around 4?" He asked and I nodded.

"Alright then, off to bed." I told him and he smiled and nodded.

"Yes, mam!" He said and made his way up the stairs. I sighed, finally alone and the smile fell from my face. It's hard to be happy once I'm alone. I went to my phone and sent a message to both Leah and Claire and asked them about our plans for today and went upstairs to shower my secret bad mood away. I don't want to bring everyone else down…we are all hurting…we are all struggling. I need to be strong for the people I love and not allow the whole Paul thing to get to me right now.

* * *

><p><strong>Jaxon POV<strong>

I listened as the shower turned on and could hear Bella sigh. I turned over and looked at the ceiling in my dark room. With the "shift work" I keep the curtains drawn quite often. I thought about running into Bella this morning on our way back from patrol and shook my head. I never thought she'd be awake when we got there. Of course I wasn't ready for excuses…my dad knows where I was all night. I'm usually pretty smooth…but I've been a little on edge with Bella lately because of imprinting on Claire. Now isn't the time to bother her with this huge life changing information…let alone drop the bomb on her that I'm dating Claire. Of course…I'm not just "dating" her…she's my life now.

I imprinted on Claire a long time ago…way back when she and Bella were in grade nine and I was way too old for her, being five years older than her. The relationship began slowly…I was like a big brother-type with her whenever she was around. Always the protector…as Bella would say. It was after she found out about Paul's change that we got closer as friends…and eventually she began to question the pull she felt towards me…so I was honest. I told her about the imprint and what it meant…and that it didn't need to put any pressure on her. I only ever wanted her to be safe and happy…and I just needed to be apart of her life. About a month ago we started to get a little flirtier and I'd finally asked her out on a proper date. Since then…it's been so easy…and I've been so happy.

Until a few days ago.

Tuck's death…it shook us to the core. I mean…we were devastated…but I knew Bella would be destroyed. And that was a phone call I'll never forget. Her voice…I actually dream about it. I hated being the one to tell her…but I need to be here for her now.

Knowing now that Paul had imprinted on Bella…it feels good. I mean…what more could a protective big brother want than for a fellow protector to be a perfect match for his baby sister? I know they've had their problems…she was hurt pretty badly when he phased and she thought he was just…over her. She'll need time to heal and realize she can trust him again…but he's prepared to be patient.

My only worry now is Tiffany.

Because of the funeral Paul hasn't seen her yet since he imprinted on Bella, and he doesn't seem to have given her much thought. If it were anyone else I'd feel bad for her…but Tiffany is a royal pain in the ass.

She doesn't know about the pack yet, or what Paul is. They've only been dating a month or so and we are very careful about who we tell our true identity to. And so far…she hasn't seemed like more than something to do to Paul. He's bored…and lonely. I feel bad for the guy…since Bella left he's been pretty depressing to be around. So we all kind of thought that Tiffany would be just a late rebound…and now I know for sure they won't last.

Last time I saw her she was nagging at him about not spending every night with her once she was finished working at the res diner as a waitress. Of course, when she's free he should be too. Regardless of the life he had before her. And he just can't have every night off…we have to split the night shifts fairly between us…and he never seems to care that he works nights.

To top it off, once a pack member graduates high school, Sam hires them to his contracting company so not only do we have pack duties, but we also help Sam out and get paid. He knows pack members can't maintain a normal job what with the crazy hours we work in wolf form, and it would leave us with no income. That's why he fought hard to make his dream of opening a contracting business a reality. When Sam phased he was on route to becoming a contractor and decided he owed it to himself and future pack to make sure we'd all have paying jobs.

Tiffany doesn't seem to think Paul needs a job…or friends. We all hate her. But…Paul thinks he needs her to keep from feeling so alone. I'm not sure how he'll feel about it now that he's imprinted…but hopefully he ends it. Not even for Bella's sake…she's make it clear that that she's not ready and she'll be gone for just under a year still…but for his. He deserves better than her.

I yawned, my brain too noisy, like Bella's. I turned onto my stomach and forced myself to shut my brain off and sleep. I'll need to be alert tonight to be around Bella and Claire. Don't get me wrong…I can't wait to tell her…but not right now. Once she's in a better place.

* * *

><p><strong>Bella POV<strong>

"So what do you think Bella?" Joe asked me as I sat down at the table with a piece of paper in front of me. Today was Friday, July 25th, I'd just gotten back into Tennessee yesterday afternoon and I had spent the night in Franklin to prove to my mom and Phil that I was well enough to come back to my own apartment. Given the fact that they cam here the morning I found out and found it a huge mess and me sobbing on the floor…I can understand their reservations. They'd flown in just for the funeral…but they still wanted to make sure I could keep it together. So I did.

It was getting a little easier to fake a smile…force a laugh. Even to seem happy for a period of time…it was when I was alone that the façade fell off. But I needed to be strong. For Isaac, Jaxon and my dad. For Paul and my friends. For my mom and Phil…for the people at work and anyone that recognizes me as this years Rolling Rock's most anticipated up-and-coming artist…it was printed in I don't know how many magazines. I mean…not many people recognized me…only people that stay up on that type of thing. But most of all…I needed to stay strong for him.

Tucker.

I feel like I helped raise him…in a way. He never had a mom…and I filled that maternal gap for him. I instilled sturdy characteristics in him. Bravery, strength, loyalty and compassion…the ability to hold on even at the most difficult of times. I wanted nothing but the best for him…and at a time like this I didn't have any other choice. I needed to put on a brave face and be ok…even if sometimes I'm not.

Don't get me wrong…I haven't had a good nights sleep since I found out about Tuck. I wake up at odd hours…can't shut my brain off…it's leaving me tired. But I suppose it's better than having a complete breakdown.

I focused my attention back on Joe and the forms in front of me.

"I…don't know what to say. I mean…it feels so surreal." I told him and he smiled, handing me a pen.

"Then lets get your signature on it and make it reality." He told me and I smiled to him, accepting the pen. I signed my name in the appropriate places and put it down sighing. I had just signed off on releasing my song 'I Knew You Were Trouble' to be played on the radio. I felt glimpses of happiness inside…but it was nothing like I thought it would really be. I imagined…a pure kind of happiness. The kind that is unwavering…straight through to my core. This kind of happiness felt…empty.

I smiled to Joe as he patted my arm and took the signed forms out of the room, no doubt taking them to Mike's office. I gathered my things and walked out to the truck I had bought after my run in with the vampire that had attacked me. I don't always drive to work…only at night now or when I have somewhere else to be after or before work. Today though…I didn't have anywhere to be. I just didn't want to be at home…or around other people. I wanted to drive until I was lost…and then keep driving. Unfortunately…I'd have to settle for simply driving out of the city and finding a nice place to park and read. I hated going back to my apartment now…it was tainted. The place I found out…the place I nearly completely trashed. No.

This was better. Here in the middle of nowhere…the warm sun on my face…a good book in my hands…sitting on the hood of my truck. I smiled a moment…a genuine smile. I remember doing this back home in Forks. Leah, Claire, Jake, Quil, Isaac, Embry, Jared…Paul and sometimes Jaxon and Sam even…when we were younger we'd ride our bikes…and once we got a bit older we'd all pile into either Paul's truck or Jared's…sometimes Sam's…and we'd find an old dirt road. Not just any old dirt road I suppose…it was always the same one. It lead back into Pott's farm…a nice older man and his family ran the farm and lived around the corner, but he probably wouldn't be thrilled knowing we convened there. So we were always safe as long as we didn't leave the evidence behind. We'd bring drinks and snacks…a guitar…or sometimes just the music in the vehicle was enough. And there we'd have a party. Sometimes other people would show up…which is usually when fights would happen. The guys were always so "tough"…I rolled my eyes at the thought. Always the heroes…the protectors. Of course…I didn't often need protecting. I may be small…but I'm not useless. I'm tough for my size…and I'm not afraid to stand up for what I believe in.

We were raised with certain beliefs. We respected our elders, played outside, didn't say anything that wasn't true or that we wouldn't say to someone's face. I was raised to be strong and confident in myself, I could hold my own with the best of the guys…and so could Claire and Leah. We were usually the only girls to hang out with our big group of guy friends…we didn't revel in drama like some people did. We believed in minding our own business. I suppose that's why the guys were so protective of us…it wasn't that we _needed_ protection…it was that they respected us.

Some people call this kind of behaviour "southern"…you know…good ol' Southern values. Which is true…but it's also a North thing. Being outside, enjoying the wilderness, keeping life simple…it's something the north and south have in common. Those values change a bit once you hit the city I assume…but in the country…that's where I did my growing up. And I couldn't be happier with the way it affected me.

I looked around at my surroundings and couldn't help but miss home. I sighed and put my book to the side and closed my eyes, letting the sun warm my skin. I needed this…I needed the comfort. I dreaded having to go back to my apartment…but I knew I could only put it off for so long.

* * *

><p>I woke with a start<em>.<em>I was in my bed, a cold sweat on my body. I looked to the alarm clock by my bed. 3:28am. Wednesday morning. I sighed and threw the covers off, walking to the kitchen for a glass of water this was becoming habit for me…waking up at random hours. I took a sip from the glass and looked to the glass balcony doors and saw the rain pouring from the sky and I sighed again, walking to the doors and opening them. I sat out on one of the chairs on my balcony and watched the rain splash off the railing. I felt it all welling inside and I tried to push it back. This was not what I wanted right now. But I knew…the moment the tears fell down my cheeks I knew. This was what I _needed_.

My whole body wracked with uncontrollable sobs…I could almost hardly catch my breath. I pulled my knees up and put my head on them and just allowed it all to come to the surface. I've been trying so hard to be the strong one…be the composed one. I'd almost forgotten that I was human too. I needed to grieve…and grieve I did.

I cried for Tucker…my beautiful baby brother. The little boy I helped raise. He was a good person…better than I am that's for sure. He understood life in a way I couldn't dream of. He was wise beyond his years and he showed me what it was like to love deeply…without borders. I suppose that's why I was able to love Edward. What he _is_ didn't matter. It wasn't his fault…and I could accept that. I attribute that to Tuck. He didn't care where a person came from…it was their actions that mattered. Even though he was my little brother, I looked up to him. I realized now that I didn't need to hold it in to be strong for him…I needed to cry and heal…that was the only way I could go on living without reservation. I never realized that what I needed…was to be vulnerable and weak…to allow my emotions to sweep over me and _feel._

I felt it all…Tuck's death…seeing Paul…everything.

Seeing Paul hurt more than I thought…and yet it was incredible. He's everything I dreamed he'd be…and more. And yet it burned me deeply…knowing he left me in the cold. And I told myself that I'd moved on…that I'd mourned that relationship…but I realized now that I hadn't truly. I'd cried…a lot. But I always put that wall up. I'd always told myself to get it together…and that's how I ended up with Edward. I _did_ love him. But I loved being doomed more. I hadn't wanted to be happy…and I had wanted to know he would eventually hurt me. Like I said…that way it wouldn't be a surprise.

Knowing my actions, how could I possibly think I had fully healed from Paul leaving me? I was lying to myself…I thought I was…but it wasn't true. I was living in a giant lie…and I just now realized how exhausting it was. And that thought made me cry harder.

Love is a beautiful thing…it's warm and safe and all encompassing.

But love is also scary and painful and hard.

And I'd only allowed myself to feel certain parts of love…the parts I thought I could handle…and I avoided the parts that would surly rip me apart. I'd allowed my heart to start to numb itself…but that didn't keep the loneliness away. But no more…I needed to feel it to get better. I needed to be weak to feel strong again.

And so I cried.

* * *

><p>"Hello Bella." Joe told me with a supportive voice. He could no doubt see the bags under my puffy eyes. I looked tired…but what he couldn't see was how much lighter I felt. I smiled to him and his face changed. It was like…he could see my smiling for real…for the first time since he met me.<p>

"Hey Joe." I told him and he handed me a coffee. It was Thursday July 31st, and we had the writing room from 7-1am. I thanked him and he just watched me.

"You feeling alright Bella?" He asked and I took a drink from my coffee and nodded.

"I really am." I told him honestly. I pulled out my guitar and song book and sighed.

"I have something I want you to hear." I told him and he nodded, sitting back in his chair, waiting for me to begin. I smiled to the book.

"I called this, 'Let It Hurt'." I told him, and started playing the melody.

"_7:42 in the morning / 8 seconds before it all sinks in / Put your best face on for the world / Fake another smile and just pretend / But you're just puttin' off the pain / Nothing's ever really gonna change_

_So let it hurt, let it bleed / Let it take you right down to your knees / Let it burn to the worst degree / May not be what you want, but it's what you need / Sometimes the only way around it / Is to let love do it's work / And let it hurt / Yeah, let it hurt_

_3:28 in the morning / Countin' up the spaces between the rain / You're gettin' used to the rocks at the bottom / Your heart goes numb, but the lonely stays the same / And that's the price you're bound to pay / And there's really nothing anyone can say / Oh, there's only just one way_

_So let it hurt, let it bleed / Let it take you right down to your knees / Let it burn to the worst degree / May not be what you want, but it's what you need / Sometimes the only way around it / Is to let love do it's work / So go on / Yeah, let it hurt_

_You might just find you're better for it / When you let go and you learn / To let it hurt, let it bleed / Let it take you right down to your knees / Oh... / Sometimes the only way around it / Is to let love do it's work / So go on / And let it hurt / Oh, let it hurt_

_7:42 in the morning / 8 seconds before it all sinks in"_

I finished singing and looked up to meet his gaze. His face had set into contentment and I smiled.

"I thought of setting it to piano instead of guitar…I just didn't have a piano at my place." He nodded and I waited in silence for him to give me feedback. He only watched me for a moment until he broke into a smile.

"That's beautiful, Bella." He told me and I smiled back. "You feel better then?" He asked and I nodded.

"Yea…I had a good cry last night…wrote part of it before bed…then the rest this morning." He nodded and pulled the book towards him.

"I think it's going to be a great shifting point on the record." He told me and I looked to him shocked.

"You think it's album worthy?" I asked and he nodded with a smile.

"Most definitely."

* * *

><p><strong>Here's chapter seven! Hope you all enjoyed.<strong>

**Song: Let It Hurt – Rascal Flatts**

**Also: I realized the web links don't work on posts…so you couldn't actually see the dresses! The website is called "lyst". I hope the way I have prepared the following links works, you'll just have to copy and paste. Ignore the costs of the dresses…pricy. lol**

**For Bella's funeral dress go to:**

**lyst .com (followed by) ****clothing/eliza-j-three-quarter-sleeve-lace-v-neck-cockail-dress-black/**

**For Bella's Sweet Sixteen dress go to:**

**lyst .com (followed by) ****clothing/theia-featherhem-lace-cocktail-dress-blonde-10/**


	8. Refreshed

**Chapter Eight: Refreshed**

* * *

><p><strong>Bella POV<strong>

"_**And now we have one from a new artist. If any of you read Country Weekly you might remember this young girl from Rolling Rock's most anticipated up-and-coming artist. Her name is Bella Swan, and this is new music."**_

_I smiled as I turned up the radio. I was on my way to actually play a live radio gig and I heard my song on the radio for the third time. I'm not ashamed to say I freak out every time. I looked to the clock as I started singing along and saw I'd be a bit early, so I can take my time and enjoy it. I pulled into the lot of the station and parked, waiting in the car, singing my song. Not only would I be doing an acoustic version of this song on the radio but I was told to pick one other song to sing as well. It was getting difficult to pick! I'm so selective with what gets put on the record that I have a special connection to each song._

_Today was August 15__th__, and I've been working like crazy. Since coming back from Forks I've written two songs and we've begun recording and perfecting them. Not to mention radio tours and I've been working round the clock…it was good though. I've finally broken out of my "work to stay busy" phase and I can just enjoy today. Don't get me wrong…some days are tough._

_I miss Tuck like crazy…every day I take the time to remember every detail…I don't ever want to forget. But in doing so…I open the wound just a bit each time. I needed to do it though…I'd be happy I did so later on._

_As the song finished I shut off my truck and grabbed my guitar. I walked into the building to find the receptionist. _

"_Hello, name please?" She asked and I smiled._

"_Bella Swan, I have an appointment?" I told her and she looked to her list and nodded._

"_You certainly do, doll. Right through those doors and just wait 'til they call you in." I smiled and thanked her, walking through the indicated door. I sat down on a chair and waited, seeing the show ongoing through the huge glass panel on the wall that looked into the studio. I'd only been waiting a few minutes when a woman came through the door and motioned for me to come into the studio. As I did, the radio host took off his headphones and pressed a button to play music. _

"_Hey, you must be Bella. I'm Frank." He said with a smile and I put my hand out to shake his._

"_Hello, thank you for having me." I told him and he smiled back._

"_So when the song is over, we will come back to live here in the studio. We'll talk about who you are, where you're from…and we will talk about your song. After that, you'll play that song and another one you've prepared and then we'll cut to another music break. Sound good?" He asked and I nodded, sitting in the chair indicated for me and put on my headphones. The first few times I did this was terrifying. I've done it enough times now though that I'm not as afraid. I took my guitar out of the case and put it beside my chair so it was ready. I looked to Frank and he winked to me and indicated that we were about to be live. _

"_Alright that was "Rewind" by Rascal Flatts and I'm here with up-and-coming artist Bella Swan. You may not recognize this one, she's a newcomer to the music world but she's brought with her plenty of talent. How you doin' Bella?" He asked and I smiled._

"_I'm very well thank you, how are you?" I asked and he smiled, nodding._

"_Doin' great! So where are you from?" He asked._

"_I'm actually from a small town in Washington state called Forks…it's just little." He laughed and nodded._

"_Yea, can't say I've heard of that one." He told me and I laughed._

"_It's a few hours southwest of Seattle." I told him and he nodded._

"_So how did you get involved in music?" He asked._

"_Well music has really been a hobby I've participated in my whole life…I was really lucky to have family and friends that supported me and fed my music obsession." I told him and he laughed._

"_So you're obsessed with music?" He asked and I nodded._

"_Oh absolutely. I mean…I can't get enough of it. There isn't one part of the process that I haven't completely fallen in love with." I said and he nodded._

"_That's what we like to hear! And your music is quite…well I guess the word I'd use is descriptive." I laughed and nodded._

"_Yea you could say that." I told him and he laughed too._

"_Anything you can tell us about your first single, 'I Knew You Were Trouble'?" I laughed again and nodded._

"_Well, it's about a relationship I had…and I'd spent the time dwelling and placing blame…until I got to a point where I guess I finally realized that…I knew the relationship was toxic all along. And I didn't do anything to prevent getting hurt." He nodded._

"_So this is more of a, I blame myself, type of song?" He asked and I nodded._

"_Oh completely." I told him._

"_That's kind of refreshing actually… you don't hear that too often. So we have this great single from you. It's a lot of fun even though it talks about a pretty deep subject. What else can we expect from you in the next year?" He asked._

"_Well right now my writers and I are working hard…we've got about half a record finished and my band and I are always in the studio. The album is about my life and the things I experience…in love and my relationships…be it friends, boyfriends, or family. It's just a very honest record. Nothing is off the table for me." He nodded._

"_So music is like therapy for you." He commented and I laughed, nodding._

"_Yea, exactly." I said and he nodded._

"_Alright, Miss. Bella Swan here is going to play us an acoustic version of her single 'I Knew You Were Trouble' and then you've also come with a song called 'Treacherous' I'm told?" He asked and I nodded._

"_Yea it's another song from the album." I told him and he smiled._

"_Alrighty, whenever you're ready, Bella. This is live music from newcomer artist Bella Swan."_

"Once upon a time a few mistakes ago / I was in your sights, you got me alone / You found me, you found me, you found me / I guess you didn't care, and I guess I liked that / And when I fell hard you took a step back / Without me, without me, without me

And he's long gone when he's next to me / And I realize the blame is on me

'Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in / So shame on me now / Flew me to places I'd never been / 'Til you put me down, oh / I knew you were trouble when you walked in / So shame on me now / Flew me to places I'd never been / Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground / Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble / Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble

No apologies. He'll never see you cry, / Pretends he doesn't know that he's the reason why. / You're drowning, you're drowning, you're drowning. / Now I heard you moved on from whispers on the street / A new notch in your belt is all I'll ever be / And now I see, now I see, now I see

He was long gone when he met me / And I realize the joke is on me, yeah!

I knew you were trouble when you walked in / So shame on me now / Flew me to places I'd never been / 'Til you put me down, oh / I knew you were trouble when you walked in / So shame on me now / Flew me to places I'd never been / Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground / Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble / Oh, oh

And the saddest fear comes creeping in / That you never loved me or her, or anyone, or anything, yeah

Flew me to places I'd never been / 'Til you put me down, oh / I knew you were trouble when you walked in / So shame on me now / Flew me to places I'd never been / Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground / Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble / Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble

I knew you were trouble when you walked in / Trouble, trouble, trouble / I knew you were trouble when you walked in / Trouble, trouble, trouble"_ I finished and the people working in the studio clapped for me. _

"_I really like the stripped version of that." Frank told me and I smiled._

"_Thank you!" I told him and he nodded._

"_Alright now this one is one you've done on the radio before, but it's not yet released, right?" He asked and I nodded._

"_Yeah, this is a song called Treacherous, I wrote it about…that moment when you're falling for someone…and in the back of your mind you know there should be reservations because you know it's different…and yet you convince yourself it's not necessarily a bad thing." I told him and he nodded._

"_So basically like the before version of 'I Knew You Were Trouble'." I laughed at his comment and shrugged._

"_Well…you know…" I told him and he laughed._

"_So these two songs are about the same guy!" He said, chuckling and I laughed again._

"_Well…you never know." I told him and he chuckled again and smiled._

"_Alright. This is Bella Swan with new live music." I smiled and started playing a softer melody._

"Put your lips close to mine / As long as they don't touch / Out of focus, eye to eye / 'Til the gravity's too much / And I'll do anything you say / If you say it with your hands / And I'd be smart to walk away, / But you're quicksand

This slope is treacherous / This path is reckless / This slope is treacherous / And I, I, I like it

I can't decide if it's a choice / Getting swept away / I hear the sound of my own voice / Asking you to stay / And all we are is skin and bone / Trained to get along / Forever going with the flow, / But you're friction

This slope is treacherous / This path is reckless / This slope is treacherous / And I, I, I like it

Two headlights shine through this sleepless night / And I will get you, and get you alone / Your name has echoed through my mind / And I just think you should, think you should know / That nothing safe is worth the drive and I would / Follow you, follow you home... / I'd follow you, follow you home...

This hope is treacherous / This daydream is dangerous / This hope is treacherous / I, I, I... I, I, I... I, I, I...

Two headlights shine through this sleepless night / And I will get you, and get you alone / Your name has echoed through my mind / And I just think you should, think you should know / That nothing safe is worth the drive and I would / Follow you, follow you home... / I'd follow you, follow you home... / I'd follow you, follow you home... / I'd follow you, follow you home...

This slope is treacherous / I, I, I like it." _The people in the room clapped again and I smiled to Frank._

"_Fantastic! Well I hope we hear more from you Bella, I don't think it will be too long before you blow up."_

* * *

><p>And he was right.<p>

Today is October 23rd…a Thursday…if it matters. Things have…things have been crazy the last two months. I mean…'I Knew You Were Trouble' is all over the radio…people are requesting it like crazy...we are actually putting it up as a single on iTunes in a week. I can't even imagine it…people actually _paying_ for my song. It's a total dream. And 'Treacherous' has been requested a couple times too! We released it to radio stations about two weeks ago because there was enough demand for it.

Since the summer…a lot has changed. I'm feeling good…I have a healthy amount of work going on and I'm feeling…just…like a new person. I've been happier lately…and it's shown in my music. I've been writing about…happier things. Not all the songs will make it to the record but I think there's been a real shift.

As of late I'm getting recognized on the street and at school, finally in grade 12, final year baby! It's nothing insane but it has changed my life a bit. People are interested in me and my life…where I come from and what's coming soon. There has been two articles written about me in a magazine and I've been getting newer questions in radio interviews. People have gotten hold of personal information…you know. Where I go to school…who I date…how my brother passed away…and it reflects in my interviews. At first it was a bit unsettling…talking about such painful things on live radio…but it makes me feel goo knowing I can warn others of the dangers of drinking and driving. I'm sure Tuck would be proud.

Speaking of proud, it's getting harder and harder to call home anymore. In a good way though. My friends and family are so proud of me…and they message me every time they hear me on the radio. They are enjoying it almost as much as I am! Of course, they all wanted to know who the songs are about…though it's easy to guess. I've only dated two people, Paul and Edward. If it doesn't suit my breakup/relationship with Paul then it's got to be about Edward. My brothers were angry…you know…finding out how crappy the relationship was…that he cheated…but I tend not to feed their anger. It's over with…so I'd rather focus on today.

Today. Well…I suppose another thing has changed. Three weeks ago I went on my first date with Shane. He's…incredible. I actually met him a month ago…it was a Tuesday. He rear-ended my truck at a stop sign and came out of his car really apologetic. It wasn't anything major…just bumped it. But while we were pulled over talking he just…asked me out. It was kind of cute really.

* * *

><p>"<em>Well…now that I've already rammed my way into your life…do you think maybe…we could have coffee sometime?"<em>

* * *

><p>I had laughed of course and said yes. There was something about him…he was sweet and kind…very funny and handsome. He's 22…a native here in Franklin. I suppose tanned guys are slowing becoming my thing…unless you're a paler than pale vampire of course.<p>

It's nice to just be in a normal, happy place…with a normal, happy guy.

The following Wednesday we went for coffee and…I'm hooked. It's…it just fits. It's not difficult…there are no red flags. He's…he's perfect.

He likes the same music as I do, he's passionate about working hard. He's family oriented and doesn't hover. We each take time for us…he gets that we don't need to spend every waking moment together. He's responsible and a total gentleman…my father can't wait to meet him. Neither can my brothers…but they have protective reasons. After Edward they don't trust guys…but Shane is different. He's nothing like Edward was. He's an amazing, normal, young man…and he wants nothing but the best for me.

He makes me feel…like today is all that matters. Whatever happened in my past…it's over with. I can learn and grow from it… but never dwell. Life moves on…and wounds heal.

Shane is really good for me. And I know that…things can only get better from here on out.

* * *

><p>So here I sit, in the studio, working on the latest song I've written. It feels…fresh. Like a new beginning. Like…if anything, the last eight months doesn't matter…because I have today.<p>

I talk to Tuck every night before bed. It's a system I've worked out that…I just feel more complete when I've felt closer to him. I also make sure to speak to Isaac, Jaxon and my dad each day too, be it through text, Facebook, Skype, or the phone. It's important to stay close.

Any reservations I've had about Paul have melted away…and I think it's for the best. He will always be with me…and I'll always cherish what we had and the effect he's had on my life but…it's time to move on. And that's what I'm doing.

"Alright Bella, try that last part again and I think we have it." Joe told me through the intercom system. I was sitting in the studio recording my latest piece. I nodded and listened to the track that they played back.

"_'Cause you throw your head back laughing like a little kid / I think it's strange that you think I'm funny 'cause he never did / I've been spending the last eight months / Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end / But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again_

_But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again"_

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><p><strong>Paul POV<strong>

To say it hasn't been tough would be an understatement. I've missed her…so much. I thought going without her for a short time would be difficult but…it drags on. To think I'll have to wait 'til June to have her home…it rips me apart. I know I'm doing the right thing…but having my imprint so far away where I can't protect her…it makes my heart throb.

I want to protect her…it's in my nature. Not only is she my Red…she's my everything. My soul mate. My imprint.

After she left back in August a lot changed. I became even closer with her family, if that was possible. Jaxon told Isaac and Charlie, both were really happy, but I think they sort of expected it. After all…everyone thought I'd end up back with Bella at some point. To be honest everyone was more surprised when they found out I was dating Tiffany.

Tiffany. She's a piece of work. She nags, she's selfish, not too bright, doesn't get along with my friends, can't be trusted to know my true identity…and yet she made the ache a bit less. I had started dating her when I gave up on Bella and I…and once I imprinted…I broke up with her.

It wasn't hard for me…I cared for her, yea. She's a human being. And she made it a little less hard for a while…but she wasn't who I belonged with. She's no Red.

Which is why it's so much harder now.

Now that I've gone crawling back to her.

Don't get me wrong…I know my heart isn't in it. But I just found out…about her. And him.

Bella and her new guy. _Shane._

Jaxon let it slip yesterday and I just can't keep it together. My imprint…my world…my everything. My Red. She's…with some other guy. She's _happy_ with some other guy and I know it's new and they've only been dating a few weeks apparently but…that doesn't rip the shards of glass from my heart.

I'm the one that is supposed to make her feel safe and warm…happy and content with me as her protector. Her friend, lover, rock. I should be her everything…like she's mine. But instead she's in Tennessee with some guy…who is, I'm sorry, but too old for her. Though…that's just my own jealous opinion. I mean…I'm ok with the age gap between Jaxon and Claire, it's the same thing. Except it's not. I know Claire is safe with Jaxon…a fellow wolf. Her imprint. I know nothing bad will come of their relationship, whatever label it has. But this guy…this…_Shane_…I mean he could be anybody. He could be a creep and only be using her. He could be mean and rude and not treat her like the amazing, talented, beautiful, young woman that she is.

The only flaw in that frame of thought…she's perfectly happy.

According to Jaxon's thoughts about his conversations with her…she's smitten. He's a perfect gentleman…takes good care of her. He's respectful and kind and doesn't smother her. He's just what she needs. And she seems so much happier too. She's healing…from Tucker…from me.

I know I screwed up…and I know I hurt her. But…if I could only explain…

Though I doubt it would make a difference.

I _should_ have called. I _should_ have given her some morsel of hope that we'd be alright. I never should have pushed so hard…

But I was afraid. If I ever lashed out on her and allowed my wolf to…to hurt her…but I guess that it didn't matter anyway. I saved her from my wolf and let my human form hurt her.

I could live with the choice that I made. But there was a long time when…when she couldn't. I imagine her anguish was much like mine is now, knowing my imprint is romantically involved with another person.

Could you blame me for going back to Tiffany? I have a huge, gaping hole in my chest where my heart should be…because Red took it with her. I needed someone to fill that hole…or try anyway. No one could ever heal me the way Red could. But I needed to try and numb the pain. I needed filler…as horrible as that sounds. Someone to just get me through 'til tomorrow. Someone to make my days and nights less lonely.

Though I can't say that I'm not upset with myself…being with another person…that hurts too. I feel like I'm hurting Bella in a way…even though I know I'm not. She's happy with someone else too.

No matter who I'm with…or who she's with…I'll keep counting down the days until I can see her again.

I hear her come on the radio now quite often. It's surreal really, but I'm so proud. She sounds amazing…so talented. I know the song is about that guy she dated after me…and to say I'm not upset would be a lie. She says it right in the song… _"And the saddest fear comes creeping in / That you never loved me or __**her**__, or anyone, or anything"_. He cheated on her. He played her and hurt her and fucked her over. At least I did what I did out of love…even if she didn't know that. But…this guy hurt her for sport. I've also heard that other song of hers played occasionally. There's a rumour floating around that both songs are about the same guy…which would make sense…but she's the only one that really knows.

If I can't have her right now…at least I can see her life live out through music and pictures. She's been in a few magazines now. She's moving up in the world…I just with I could live it with her instead of watch from the outside.

The sour irony in life right now is that Tiffany _loves_ her music. Of course, Tiff doesn't know I dated her…she never really paid attention I suppose. She's kind of self-involved like that. But she's really excited for Bella's album to come out. I wonder what the songs about me will be like…will Tiffany be able to tell? Then again…do I care?

The second I have Bella back I'm done with her…that sounds horrible…but I can't help it. Red's my life now…I just have to wait to start living it.

* * *

><p><strong>Hope you all enjoyed! I have two links to the songs in this chapter, they are acoustic live versions of both songs so you get an idea of what the "performance" sounds like in my head. Again, links don't work in chapters so I've put the address into a format that the site will accept. Even if you all aren't TSwift fans, I hope you'll listen to the songs just to put Bella's acoustic versions into context. Thanks for reading!<strong>

**Songs: I Knew You Were Trouble – Taylor Swift**

Youtube watch?v=Sh4RMEaCME4

**Treacherous – Taylor Swift **

Youtube watch?v=2nfJS3wKeEc


	9. Now I See It

**Hello all! I just wanted to address one request I received last chapter: lyrics. Some don't like them. However, I spend a **_**LOT**_** of time find the most appropriate lyrics, I scavenge for ideal songs and change the song list a million times for a fic like this. The lyrics are meant to tell a story of emotion and be apart of the story themselves. I do not simply put in a song I like or think is cute, they extend the story of the characters and the relationships they have. For how much time I spend finding the perfect lyrics for the situation, I hope my readers are not simply skipping over them. I try not to overload a chapter with lyrics, but I will not shut them out completely.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Nine: Now I See It<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Bella POV<strong>

I suppose I realized he reminded me of Paul early on…though I couldn't put my finger on it. I mean…yea they were both tall, tanned, and handsome…but even the way he made me feel…it was supportive and solid…it was safe…like Paul had been. I remember the night I made that realization…Paul had added me back to Facebook and I got to reminiscing…though I never looked at his page…I wasn't sure I was in that place yet.

There were differences too though…in the…Paul cast me aside like I was nothing sort of way. Shane was too reliable for that. I had gotten one of my best creations out of that night though.

* * *

><p>"<em>You always surprise me like this…I feel like you do your best work without me!" Joe told me and I laughed, watching him read the lyrics I had scribbled into my songbook. I was pretty proud of it to be honest…it was…different. I suppose every song on this record so far is pretty different from the next…kind of like an ever-changing evolution. I was proud of it. This song in particular…it stirred up something in me…though I'd never admit it to Shane. I'm so happy with him…and he doesn't deserve to think I'm not. I just…I needed to get this out of my system. Put an end to the voice in my head…the one that called me Red.<em>

"_Lets hear it Doll." He told me and I laughed, grabbing my guitar. I nodded and cleared my voice. He loved it of course and gave me a pat on the shoulder once I was finished._

"_So, what's it called, Bella?" He asked and I looked to the lyrics and smiled a sad, yet accomplished smile. I'd finally gotten it out…how important he was to me…and yet how horribly it had ended. I looked to Joe and sighed._

"_Red."_

* * *

><p>He'd loved the title. He asked whom it was about and I'd explained the whole…BellaPaul dynamic. He'd known of course…about Paul. But we'd never hashed out what had actually happened. Realization washed over his face when I told him about my nickname. It was just a perfect fit. Like Shane and I were now…

* * *

><p>"<em>I gotta tell you, Bella. You're one in a million." I laughed and put my peanut butter and pickle sandwich together and grinned at him. He was totally grossed out by my choice in lunch but seemed perfectly content with peanut butter and honey. <em>

"_So what time do you work tomorrow?" He asked as we sat down in front of the TV with our lunch. I chewed my mouthful and swallowed._

"_One. We have the studio booked for some recording." He nodded and took a bite of his sandwich. "I'm so excited to finish this song…it's been tricky getting it right…but I think we've finally got it." He nodded._

"_That's the one about your ex…Paul, right?" He asked, not a hint of malice in his voice. I smiled to him and nodded._

"_Yea, Paul." I told him and he nodded again._

"_It's a really well written song, Bella." He told me and I smiled again. I do that a lot around Shane…he's like…the center of my world where everything just clicks. When I'm upset…he makes it right. When life is difficult…he makes the world make sense again. He's Shane…enough said._

"_You know, you're the best boyfriend…ever." I told him and he laughed that laugh I love._

"_Only because you deserve the best. I'm sure with anyone else I'd be a total monster." He said with a wink and I laughed. _

"_Oh yea…there's a monster in you just itching to be unleashed I'm sure." I joked and he gave me a sticky honey kiss on the cheek. I groaned playfully and wiped the stickiness off._

"_You're so gross." I told him and he grinned to me. _

"_Yea but you love me." He said and I couldn't help but agree._

"_So while you're at work do you mind if I go shopping? A little birdie told me _someone_ has an eighteenth birthday coming up." He said and I nodded._

"_I support this endeavor." I told him and he smiled. We'd been dating about three months now…today is Friday December 5__th__ and my birthday is in six days. _

"_It's going to be so depressing not being with Isaac for our birthday this year. I think it's the first time ever that we couldn't make it work." I told him and he took me into a hug. We sat back on the couch and just enjoyed each other's company. If there was anyone in this world that made the sun come out on a rainy day…it was Shane._

_He's been more than supportive of me throughout my work and schooling…knowing how important it is that I'm able to fully give my attention to both. He just gets it. And that's why we work so well together. There isn't ever an explanation needed or a drawn out discussion. If it's important to one of us…the other just knows. He had been pretty surprised by my job…the record deal and all…I suppose it's a lot to take in. I hadn't told him right away because you never know…right? I waited until I knew he was pure at heart and he understood. Joe had warned me about mentioning it too soon…he's seen too many "leaches" apparently. Funnily enough he didn't see that in Edward…ba-dum-chhh! Hah… I make myself laugh…anyway._

_The day he met my family was wonderful. They immediately liked him…he was just a likeable guy. Not secretive or standoff-ish. He was like an open book, which my dad really liked._

_We literally could talk about anything…Tucker…my feelings…our exes…it didn't matter. There was no judgment…only love. Love doesn't always come this early…but when you feel it, you just know._

_Like for example, the time my car broke down in Nashville on a Sunday night and I couldn't come home to Franklin for the starting of the school week. He dropped everything and came and got me…I didn't even have to ask…he was just there. Or the time his ex-girlfriend just showed up at his door while I was at his place…and she was totally irate. He very calmly reminded her that she ended it…he was with me now and needed her to respect that. And when she refused…he simply closed the door on her and wouldn't let her harmful words touch me. He told me I was the one he wanted and needed. I was his forever and always…and he meant it._

_You know how…some people say, "oh I'm thinking of you!" and it's only words? Well he _shows_ it. He'll randomly show up at my door with flowers, only if for a few minutes because I'm running to work. Literally a half an hour drive both ways…just for a kiss and to give me flowers. Or…one weekend I was struggling with a song, he's sent my favourite candy to the label. Like…I mean a bunch of it. We all enjoyed gummy worms for the whole weekend. We ate so many we got stomachaches…totally worth it though._

_And I do the same for him. _

_I go out shopping and I can't bring myself to not pick up a little something for him. Or when he was sick and couldn't go to work, I called his favourite restaurant and had soup delivered to his house because I couldn't be there to take care of him. One time he even came home from work and I was already at his house, cleaned it while he was gone, and had a nice homemade meal ready and waiting…because he deserves it._

_He's 22, turns 23 in March, works as a fireman downtown so he works crazy hours and has his own place in Franklin. I know…fireman. He's pretty gorgeous._

_But along with his tanned, muscular body and his deep brown eyes? There's an incredible heart. I've never met anyone like him…and it wouldn't matter if I did. He has my heart now…and nothing will ever change that. He's my forever and always too._

* * *

><p>But what did I know. I haven't done this to myself since Paul…I put all my faith into him…and he just…ugh!<p>

* * *

><p><em>It's December 19<em>_th__ and I'm in Nashville for the last time until after Christmas and New Years break. The label will be closed for a bit so I won't be able to work with Joe for a while, so it's important that we get some quality work done._

"_I don't understand. One night he's fully there…he's giving me Shane at 100% and the next day I can't get hold of him! He won't return my calls, he won't text me back. He's even unplugged his home phone. He's just…vanished." I told Joe, fighting back tears. It's been 12 days. 12 long days since I last spoke to Shane. He didn't even call on my birthday…it just flew right past. Apparently according to Isaac he was planning for me to go home and see my family for my birthday so Isaac and I could be together…but he never followed through, and by the time my family realized he hadn't made the arrangements it was too late. I ran into him at the grocery store a few days after my birthday and he didn't say a word. He just loomed over me staring into my eyes like he was searching for something. Then he just…walked away… I guess he didn't find it. _

"_I mean…he said I was his forever and always." I whispered, letting a tear fall. Joe sighed and patted my shoulder._

"_Let it out, girlie. That's the only way." And let it out I did. I'm not an idiot…I recognize the behaviour. It's the same way Paul ended it…by just ignoring my presence. And it came on just as suddenly too. I keep going over what I could have done…what I could have said to make him just…leave. And I came up empty handed. Because it was him. __**He **__did this, not me. I know it's only a matter of time before it's officially over…and now I'm stuck in the waiting period like I was with Paul. Like I sort of did with Edward when he was off cheating. I knew this feeling too well for my liking. _

_It's the feeling of no longer knowing the person you thought you knew best. Or…being rained on. Everywhere. You. Go. All of the cute little memories I once held so dear are gone…it was all for nothing. I know it's only been three and a half months but…we'd connected so quickly. You don't just wake up one day and stop loving someone…you don't just change overnight._

_By the time we were finished, about three hours had gone by and I was left with a scribbled mess in my songbook and my guitar in my hand._

"Once upon a time, / I believe it was a Tuesday when I caught your eye / And we caught onto something / I hold onto the night, / You looked me in the eye / And told me you loved me

Were you just kidding? / 'Cause it seems to me, this thing is breaking down / We almost never speak / I don't feel welcome anymore / Baby, what happened, please tell me? / 'Cause one second it was perfect, now you're half way out the door

And I stare at the phone, / He still hasn't called / And then you feel so low you can't feel nothing at all / And you flashback to when he said forever and always / Oh, and it rains in your bedroom / Everything is wrong / It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone / 'Cause I was there when you said forever and always

Was I out of line? / Did I say something way too honest? / Made you run and hide / Like a scared little boy? / I looked into your eyes / Thought I knew you for a minute, now I'm not so sure

So here's to everything / Coming down to nothing / Here's to silence / That cuts me to the core / Where is this going? / Thought I knew for a minute, but I don't anymore

And I stare at the phone, / He still hasn't called / And then you feel so low, you can't feel nothing at all / And you flashback to when he said forever and always / Oh, and it rains in your bedroom / Everything is wrong / It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone / 'Cause I was there when you said forever and always

You didn't mean it, baby, / I don't think so

Back up, baby, back up / Did you forget everything? / Back up, baby, back up / Did you forget everything?

'Cause it rains in your bedroom / Everything is wrong / It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone / 'Cause I was there when you said forever and always

Oh, I stare at the phone, / He still hasn't called / And then you feel so low / You can't feel nothing at all / And you flashback to when we said forever and always

And it rains in your bedroom / Everything is wrong / It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone / 'Cause I was there when you said forever and always

You didn't mean it, baby, / You said forever and always... yeah"

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><p>That was probably one of the most pissed offsongs I've ever written. I mean…I've written about being hurt, or being the one to blame…but this was word vomit in its most poetic form. Of course, it's going to make it onto the record. I've got twelve songs now…not all fully recorded but…they are keepers.<p>

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><p><em>I haven't been the most…vibrant person as of late. It's December 23<em>_rd__, and I still haven't heard from Shane. I'm just…numb almost. I know what's coming…I know what to expect. And I hate it. I was scrolling through my Facebook when I saw that Shane had liked a mutual friend's post and I felt my temper bubble ever so slightly and then fade into nothing but the low, dull plain that never leaves. I sighed and clicked on my status update._

"…and then you feel so low you can't feel nothing at all."

_That had earned me quite the surprise. I posted the status and a few people liked it…I suppose maybe they could relate. But then my cell phone rang. I looked at it and took a deep breath. It couldn't be…could it? Could Shane have seen my post? Would that have been enough to make him just…end my misery once and for all? Or…or maybe he was calling to fix things…maybe…maybe there was a real explanation? I picked up my phone and saw the name I least expected to see._

_Paul._

_I answered hesitantly only to hear silence…followed by a dial tone. He'd hung up._

_This didn't help my mood._

_He was the one that started this. He's the one that treated me like this first and just…just left us hanging out to dry. I'd told Shane about what had happened…probably where he got the idea from._

_I was angry and sad and…and I wish he had have said something. Anything…at this stage in my life I can't only be mad at Paul…the good times were still there…like they were with Shane. And yet…it hurt. So much. The good times…they were gone. And I needed to remember that. No matter how many good memories I had…or how many times the girls back home told me he missed me…or thinks about me…or keeps my scarf in his bedside table…but now even that gesture made me angry. I needed to remember that there are no more sweet nothings and romantic gestures. There's no more comfortable stability or safe feelings. They have been replaced by nothing…a huge hole._

_I pulled out my songbook and I just wrote…nonstop. Once I was finished…I saw so many happy memories on the page in front of me…and so much pain. And it was all about Paul…not Shane…Paul. _

_Now I see it. It was always Paul…it was like I had been dating him all along…the older, more mature him. The one that wasn't afraid to love me. That made me cry even harder._

_I never knew…I'd been so blind. And now staring at the song in front of me I knew…I wasn't over him. Not the slightest bit. And yet I don't think I could ever be with him again…which made me cry even harder. Not now that I could remember the pain I had once felt…not now that the wound was opened fresh again. I laid on my bed and sobbed the rest of the night…no longer numb. It hurt more than ever now…but I'd learned my lesson. I needed to feel it and let it out or else I'd go insane._

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><p>So here I am. I woke up this morning feeling…no better. But no worse. I knew now that I still have a lot of things to sort through. Today I fly home to Forks for the holiday and I knew I'd end up running into Paul. It was a given…and I wasn't sure how I felt about it. I mean…I thought I was over him. I thought I was in a happy, mature relationship and now I know I've pretty much been dating a Paul stand-in. That wasn't fair to Shane…and it wasn't fair to me.<p>

I looked at my cell phone as I blow-dried my hair. I still hadn't heard from Shane…but I think I needed to end things in a way that I will know there are no loose ends. I know now that I can't be with him…even if it wasn't already over. I finished blow-drying my hair and sighed, picking up my phone. I dialed his number and it rang and rang, at least his phone was plugged back in. It rang a while until I got the machine.

"Hey…Shane. It's Bella…um…I'm leaving today, to head back to Forks. I just thought I'd call one last time. I won't bother you again…and I just wanted you to know… I hope everything works out for you." I finished quietly and hung up. I put my phone down on the counter and turned on my straightener. I quickly ran it through my hair and was almost finished when my phone started to vibrate. I looked down to the counter and saw his name…Shane.

He chose now to reply? To call me back? I shook my head and picked up the phone.

"Hello?" I said and heard silence on the other end. I said nothing until I heard his deep voice.

"Bella?" He asked and I couldn't help but force a laugh.

"Well yea. You called me, remember?" I said and he sighed.

"Bella I…I want to see you before you leave. Please." He stated, more than asked. I sighed too.

"Why?" I said simply. It was a valid question…he's wanted nothing to do with me for the last few weeks, what's with the sudden change of mind?

"I…Bella I don't want us to be over. I love you…I need you. And I just want the opportunity to explain in person…I'd like to see you before you leave for Washington." He said and I felt my heart cave. I may have realized that he's like a Paul-substitute…but I still love him. I thought about it a moment until my curiosity got the better of me. I wanted to know why he ditched out…just like Paul did.

"Well I don't have much time…but I could swing by for a few minutes." I told him and he thanked me before hanging up. I sighed and looked to the mirror.

I was already packed and ready to head to the airport, wearing a pair of blue jeans and an oatmeal coloured knitted sweater. Nice and warm. I put my phone in my pocket and went to my bedroom, grabbing my burgundy knitted scarf and my suitcase. I struggled down the stairs until I met my mom and Phil in the living room.

"Hey guys, I'm going to head out a bit early, apparently Shane wants to say goodbye." I told them and my mom gave me a sad look.

"Don't let it get to you sweetheart. You're a beautiful, talented girl and any guy would be lucky to have you." She told me and I hugged her. Phil came in for a hug too and I sighed, resting my jacket on my suitcase. I don't like to drive with it on. I'd insisted that I drive my own truck to the airport because my mom and Phil had a family get together on Phil's side tonight. I gave them each one last hug goodbye before heading out to my truck and tossing my suitcase in the covered back. I climbed into the drivers seat and took a deep breath. Let's get this over with.

I pulled into his driveway and took another deep breath. Shane lived on the outskirts of town, backing onto a forest. To be honest, it reminded me a bit of my dad's place back in Forks, except I assume it would probably be a bit colder there. I got out of the truck and headed to the front porch, knocking on the door. Within seconds the door was opening, and there stood Shane.

Just as handsome as I remembered, yet somehow…taller and more muscular…if that was possible. I feel like I knew he looked different when I saw him that day at the grocery store…and yet I'd been too surprised to process it. Now that I wasn't surprised to see him I could tell he'd gotten much larger. I looked to his eyes and nodded, he showed me inside. I walked to his living room and turned to look at him.

"I'm glad you came, Bella." He said and I shook my head.

"What is this, Shane?" I asked and he gave me a curious look. "You completely ditched out…you just…disappeared. And now you want to hang out?" I asked and he sighed, sitting on the couch, motioning for me to sit down too. I did and he looked hesitant.

"I…I have a good reason for…for ignoring you the last few weeks, Bella. And I just want you to know that…that I never wanted to hurt you. I only wanted to keep you safe." He told me and I gave him a weird look. He seemed jittery, like he didn't know what to do with his hands. I sighed and grabbed his arm, forcing him to sit still.

"Stop." I told him and he froze. He looked me square in the eye and I could see his thoughts moving one hundred miles a second and all I could seem to see…was Paul. Sitting in front of him I could see how I'd made such strong connections between the two. I couldn't look at him without seeing Paul's face.

"I…I don't understand…" Shane said, standing up and pulling away from my grasp. I gave him a confused look.

"You don't understand? How do you think I fe-"

"Just shut up a minute." He snapped and rubbed his face with his hands. I felt my eyes go wide at his sudden hostility and narrowed my gaze.

"Excuse me?" I said and he began pacing.

"How could this happen? I mean… you were mine…you…we fit together perfectly." He said, panic clear on his face. I stood up and he began shaking, pushing me back down onto the couch.

"_STAY."_ He demanded and that's when I felt a pang of fear. He wasn't acting normal.

"What's the matter with you?" I asked and he spun to face me.

"What's the matter with me?! I thought we were soul mates! I thought…I thought I'd touch you and just know!" I felt my confusion deepen. He dropped to his knees in front of me and grab my wrists.

"Why didn't you _tell_ me?! Why didn't you say you'd already been claimed?!" He yelled and I struggled to pull from his grasp. His skin was hot…violently hot. But it was just like Jaxon's…and now Paul's. It smoldered with his intensity until he looked down to my wrists. Right at my scar. He began to shake violently.

"_How could you not tell me you've been tasted?!"_ He bellowed and I ripped my arm away from him and backed my way down the hall to the back door. I held my hands up to him as he followed and I felt myself shaking too.

"Sh-Shane calm…calm down." I told him, but it was like I couldn't even see him in his eyes anymore. He was being overpowered by this violent, angry person. A person I've never seen in him before.

"Calm down!? I _LOVED_ you! And you tell me to _calm down!?"_ He yelled and all of a sudden Shane was no longer Shane, in mind or in body. Standing before me, backing me against the door…was a monster.

He snarled and snapped, growling at me. I held one hand up to him while my left fumbled for the doorknob behind me. The thing swiped at my scarred wrist and I cried out in pain as I felt its claws scrape my arm. I turned to try and open the door and in an instant it swiped again, ripping down my back and I screamed again in pain. I finally felt the door open and I threw myself shaking out the door, only to fall onto my hands and knees. I felt hot tears streaming down my face and I forced myself to push my self up and try to run. I just had to make it to my truck. That's all…and I'd be safe. I just needed…

But it was too late. I spun around to run and was ripped back down to the ground by claws digging into my stomach. I felt my eyes widen in pain and I tried to scream…but nothing came out. I lay on my back, writhing in pain and saw it clearly. A giant wolf…a monster. And yet…its eyes were no longer wild. I watched it cower and whimper as if something had come over it and I could hear howling in the distance. I felt myself beginning to fade in an out…but before I passed out completely I saw three more huge wolves enter the clearing…and one changed into a man.

* * *

><p>It felt like no time at all…though I couldn't be sure. I opened my eyes to see a man and woman standing over me, hooking me up to machines and an oxygen mask. They must be doctors…but no…I was outside still. Paramedics maybe? I tried to shake my head to remove my mouth from the mask but the woman shook her head.<p>

"Victim has regained consciousness. Mam, do you remember anything?" She asked me, searching desperately in my eyes and I groaned in pain as they lifted me up into the air. It was then that I realized I was on a gurney. I tried to look around and saw a few guys I'd never seen before, and then I saw Shane. He was standing there crying, looking at me like he'd never be ok again. I tried to remember…but I couldn't.

"Fighting…and then…I w-was outside…giant w-wolf…" I slurred to the woman and she nodded, looking to her partner.

"We have a confirmed animal attack. Mam, we need you to hold still and remain calm." Which wasn't a problem, I didn't have the strength to nod, let alone struggle. I felt myself falling back into the blackness and I welcomed it. At least there, my body wasn't on fire.

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><p><strong>There you have it. I'll be updating again soon! <strong>

**Song: Forever and Always – Taylor Swift**


	10. Monster

******IMPORTANT, PLEASE READ AUTHOR'S NOTE******

**I appreciate constructive criticism, and I will take it into consideration in most cases, unless the reader wants me to eliminate something I really enjoy, something the majority of readers enjoy, or something that is key to the story. HOWEVER: there are times where the reader simply dislikes my choices and doesn't like the plot. In those cases, I'm sorry but this story simply isn't for you. I cannot write an entire story geared to one individual. If my writing or choices are "annoying" or the relationships aren't developing the way you want them to, then I encourage you to discontinue reading and find a story that better suits your wishes.**

**On a happier note: I really enjoyed the reviews from the last chapter! I'm glad I made you so angry with Bella's family and Paul. Emotion toward a character is a good thing in my eyes, anger towards me is not. THANK YOU guys!**

**Now to address another review I received about songs: I have already included songs that are not by Taylor Swift, and in total, eight songs (so far) that are not by Taylor Swift are on Bella's "album" once it is finished. I have used quite a few Taylor Swift songs because they are easily relatable and I could quite successfully use them in Bella's context, but I have also included songs by The Fray, Rascal Flatts, and I will be including Jason Aldean, Christina Perri, Hedley, Michelle Branch, and more, in the future. So I'm sorry for those that are "annoyed". I've looked for hours on YouTube trying to say what I need to say in other songs and the songs I am using say it best. I have actually replaced Taylor Swift songs with other music because the new song fit much better.**

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><p><strong>Chapter Ten: Monster<strong>

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><p><strong>Bella POV<strong>

I wasn't sure how long had passed. In this place…things were quite soothing. It was like I was resting an eternal rest, and it was peaceful. I knew one thing for sure, I was unconscious. I knew because I could hear faint sounds around me…and yet everything was black and I couldn't move. Not that I was sure I wanted to. I wasn't completely sure why I was here…or where here was. But I knew I wasn't in immediate danger…though I felt as if there was a danger looming. But more…more like it was an old danger…one that was in the past. I felt as if time wasn't of any importance here…though I would like to know what day it was. Not that it would do me much good…I had no idea what day I had entered this place…this state. The days sort of bled together.

I felt stiff…like I had been unmoving for a while. Today, whatever day it was, was the first day I'd been willing to step away from my stupor. I know I had been sealed in a…cocoon of sorts for a while…where I was safe from harm, where nothing could penetrate my mind. I'd sealed myself off from the world…if only for a while. I wasn't sure why, but I knew I had needed it. Something had shook me up I suppose…something I couldn't comprehend. Though I doubt it mattered now.

I felt a little stronger…a little more courageous. I was curious about this place…curious about why I was here, who was around me. How long I'd be here…I felt like I needed to get my mind working again.

I know my function is only happening in my mind…otherwise I'd have more of a connection to my body. Right now…it felt like I didn't really have one…except for the fact that I feel stiff.

I heard a sound and focused in on it. It sounded like a voice…it was deeper…probably a man's voice. Who it was I couldn't be sure…but I could tell they were close. I could also hear faint beeping and a dull humming. I could hear another voice…just as deep. Probably two people talking. But why would they be here too? I mean…wouldn't they wonder why I wasn't moving? I suppose it doesn't much matter. Unless I can get more in tuned with myself I'll never be able to make out what they are saying anyway.

I cleared my mind and decided to start over. Ok. My name is Bella Swan. That I knew to be true. And I grew up in Forks, Washington with my brothers and my dad. Jaxon. Isaac. Tucker. I remembered Tucker's accident...could I be dead too? I quickly brushed off that idea…if I was dead…I would hope that I would be reunited with Tucker. No…this wasn't death. This was…was like a deep slumber.

So, I remember living in Tennessee. I stayed in Franklin with my mom and Phil…and then I had a place in Nashville. Oh right! My job…I love my job. _'Focus Bella!'_ I told myself and I tried to nod…that was when I felt it.

Pain. It was dull…but it was there. I felt confused as I tried to bring my hand to the source of the throbbing, and it only intensified the feeling. I wanted to cry out…but it wasn't to be.

Pain. Why would I be in so much pain? I wracked my mind to try and remember my last thoughts before I entered this place. I remember…trees. A bit of snow…it was cold out. There had been two people…a woman was putting this thing on my face. I didn't like that at all. She had asked me what had happened…how the hell should I know? She was the one in full consciousness, she should tell me. But I did remember my response.

"_Fighting…and then…I w-was outside…giant w-wolf…"_

Ok…well that brings back a bit more. There were these…huge animals. Wolves I suppose…they just…showed up. It didn't make any sense. Then I remembered that Shane had been there…dear God I hope he was alright.

That was when I remembered that he was there…he was there when the woman was asking me what had happened. He had looked devastated. Come to think of it, one of the male voices were probably him. I remembered our phone call…he'd said he wanted to make it work. He was probably worried sick. I wanted to let him know I was ok…let him know I was here…inside wherever my body was…but I couldn't. Everytime I tried to move all I felt was pain…it was almost too much. I heard the voices again and tried hard to hear them.

"She…vitals…days…trying." It was no use. I got nothing. I felt myself get frustrated…that only brought more pain. It was like…the more I felt or pushed…the closer to reality I became. I could see now why I'd chosen to hide…this was torture.

Maybe I'm in the hospital! That would make sense! If I'd been hurt, then I was probably in the hospital. Duh. I can't believe it took me this long to realize it. I wasn't telling anyone about that…talk about embarrassing.

I took a deep breath…well…tried to anyway…and put all my might into trying to move something…anything. I failed…and received bolts of fire running through my limbs as "reward". I felt myself starting to pull away again just to escape the pain when I felt it. Someone was touching me. Someone was here with me…they were holding my hand. I could hear them too…it was a man. I knew I shouldn't, but I needed to get closer.

The pain was unbearable, but I needed to know what was going on. I pushed my mind toward the man's words and I finally could make sense of it all. It was Isaac.

"…Bella please. I…I don't know what I'd do without you. You're…you're my other half…my best friend. I'd follow you anywhere B…I just need you to come back to us…please." I could hear the tears in his voice and it ached almost as much as the fire in my veins.

He thought I was gone…but I wasn't. I mean…I'm right here. Only…I can't tell him that. If only I could move…but it only brought more pain.

"Did you guys see that?" I heard another voice say. I was too disoriented to know who it was. He was met with silence.

"When Isaac spoke to her…she…it jumped." He said again and I recognized Jaxon's voice. What had jumped? Had I moved? No…I would have known if I was moving. I didn't understand.

"Doctor, could we talk to you for a minute? Her monitor…the line jumped when Isaac spoke to her." Jaxon said and I could hear another voice in the room now…I assume he's a doctor.

"Well that is quite common. Often times coma victims can hear and feel but don't have the ability to reply. I would recommend talking to her often."

I felt my mind buzzing with terror. A coma? I'm…I'm in a coma?! But…but for how long? When did this happen…when did my family get here…why am I not waking up…why can't I _move!_

I pulled back from myself frantically at the amount of pain I felt. I recoiled into the blackness to give myself a break from the flames. I couldn't hear them clearly now…but just knowing they were there helped. I needed to just rest and then maybe I could make progress later…tomorrow maybe. Whenever that was…I just need time.

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><p>As I've said before, the days sort of blend together. I'm not sure what today is…or how long ago yesterday was…but I know I'm awake…well…awake inside my own head. I've been sleeping a lot lately…I think. I mean…well…that's the only way I can really explain it. I haven't been listening to the sounds around me much…I'd rather stay inside my own head where I'm safe from the pain. It never seems to lessen…and that thought scares me. Will I ever reach a state where there is no pain? I mean…I can't stay here in the darkness forever. It was safe and calming at one point…but now it makes me antsy.<p>

I want to move…I want to get up and be awake and talking. But…I know the wall I have to get over to get there…and I can't do it yet.

I just need rest…I need time. Then…then I'll be strong enough to wake up and face the pain. But until then…I just need time.

I've been using the small amount of time that I've been "awake" lately to think about what brought me here. I couldn't put together all the pieces but I did know it was because of a monster.

A huge, hairy, freakish monster. No real wolf could be that big…it had to be a monster. I mean…monsters aren't a huge stretch right? I dated a vampire. I think I could comprehend another monster species. What it was…I didn't know. I suppose it didn't matter. I remember that it ripped me up pretty bad…my blood had stained the snow around me…the image was vibrant in my mind. I hadn't been able to escape it…it was too quick…too strong. It seemed like it had only attacked me…but I wasn't completely sure. The other people around me had only been looking at me…so it was a good guess. I could feel faint warmth on my hand and decided I was ready to try again…not to escape…no. Not yet. But just to feel like I'm not so alone.

"…I can't believe I just…I left you there. I'm sorry Bella. Had I known…I could have helped. I couldn't get to you Bella…and I'm so sorry." It was Jaxon…and I could feel the tears falling on my hand. I wanted so desperately to tell him it wasn't his fault…that there was nothing he could have done…but I couldn't. It was too painful…and I needed to pull away.

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><p>I felt another hand on my face this time as I began to "wake up" from my stupor. I finally recognized the feeling…it was like…staring at the surface of the water while under water in a pool. Staring at the watery, shiny and rippling surface…you can't really hear or see anything when you're deep enough…but when you're just under the surface you can hear their muffled voices. I groggily inched toward the voice and recognized Isaac's gravely voice.<p>

"…and it's weird that you weren't there, B. I mean…that's something we do together. But we'll get 'em next Christmas." I felt confused as I came to mid-sentence but it didn't matter. He confirmed to me that I have indeed been lost inside myself for at least a few days if I had missed Christmas…though something told me it had been more than a few days. I struggled through the pain that I hadn't been ready for as I tried desperately to stay near him. I missed him…I needed him.

His voice got quiet and more strained.

"They tell us…that you could be in a lot of p-pain." he choked out and I hated that I was hurting him.

"Bella…I wish I could take this burden for you. I wish…I could be the one in your spot…I'd do it, you know. If you wanted me to. I'd be the one…in a heartbeat…to face the pain you must be in. Just please hold on Bella…don't leave me." His tears fell onto my cheeks as I felt him kiss my forehead. "Just say something Bella…please. Move…do anything to let me know that you can hear me." He sniffled and whispered into my ear.

"Just say _something_." He cried and the pain became so intense that I simply fell back into my pit of darkness.

* * *

><p>This time was different. It had to be. I awoke to a deeply strained voice…he was desperate and pleading. The pain in his words…was crippling.<p>

It was my dad.

"My beautiful Isabella." He choked through his words and I forced myself to be close to him. The pain was unbearable…but I forced myself to not leave him.

"You know…out of all the women in my life…you're the one that never left. You're the one that gets me…gets that I don't often show my emotion…gets that my pride is…that it gets in the way. You understand though." He told me and the sort-lived peace in his words began to burn.

My dad never shows emotion…not unless something is really wrong…

How long have I been out? Was I stable? Was I in trouble? I haven't been around to know…I've been hiding…sleeping…just laying in the darkness. At first all I wanted was to wait out the pain…wait 'til it didn't hurt as much as it did in the beginning. But…I kind of lost myself…I didn't try as hard to be alert…to be around to hear what was happening in the world around me. I just chose to lay dormant…to rest…

"They say at this point…you…y-you may never wake up sweetie. And…and I don't know what to do. I just…I can only hope you find peace." At this point I felt panic set in. What did he mean _never wake up_. And why is he talking like this?!

"Take care of Tucker, baby. And let him take c-care of you." He wept and the tears fell onto my arm. I needed to reach him…I needed to tell him to stop talking like this… I'm going to wake up soon…I know I could eventually. I can't let him think I'm gone!

"You're the one, Bells. You're the one girl I love…w-with my wh-whole h-heart." He cried and I felt myself choking on the pain.

"But I'm starting to give up…and I'm saying goodbye." He whispered and bells went off around me. Red alerts…screaming sirens…fire running through me like I can't imagine. I felt him disappear and I couldn't face the darkness any more. I needed to be with him…I needed to hear him, hug him…I needed to help him see I'm here! I'm alive! I'm **here!**

The pain…was excruciating. I felt like I'd been on fire for days…that no one would put the flames out. I felt it clear as day…crystal clear. As I moved my fingers. And I moved my toes.

And I opened my eyes.

I looked around me in hopes that I'd see him…that my dad would be here and I could fix his tears. But I was alone in my hospital room…here laying on my bed. My eyes fluttered to the machine standing next to my bed that I was hooked to. It showed my heart rate, which seemed a little erratic. I looked to my hands and saw an IV in my left hand, and bandages on my right. I couldn't move my arms, but I had feeling in them. Though the only feeling present was pain.

I tried to speak, but when I opened my mouth only a soft, pained moan came out. I decided against another try. I laid in silence for a few minutes, trying to regain my sense and establish how long I'd been in here when a nurse came in.

She didn't look at me, almost like it was simply routine to pretend I wasn't here at all. She silently changed the bag of my IV and tossed the empty bag into the garbage, and she marked a few things on the chart she was carrying. She then looked over to the heart monitor and jotted down some more notes. She grabbed my left hand and changed the IV pic. Once she did that she glanced to my face, doing a double take.

She didn't expect to see me staring back.

"Oh dear God…Doctor! Doctor!" She called, rushing from the room. She caused quite a commotion in the hall and I could see not one, but two doctors come running to the door, eyes wide when they saw me looking back. One of the doctors came into the room and began asking me questions and checked my vitals, while another doctor held my family back from entering the room. I made eye contact with my dad and saw him fall apart, Jaxon holding him up. I looked up to the doctor and saw him staring back at me.

"Bella, I know things might seem a bit hazy right now but I'm going to help you, ok?" He told me and I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I tried again and the sound of my own voice startled me. I was weak and hoarse. Like I hadn't spoken in years.

"Pain…" I managed out and he nodded right away.

"I need a morphine drip stat." Was the only thing I understood. He also ordered a few tests…with weird names like EKG and ABC…123…you know what I mean. I looked up at another nurse who rushed in with a new bag, which I assumed was filled with morphine. She put it on the rack and attached it to my IV pick.

"The morphine should kick in soon, Bella. I'll get rid of that pain, no problem." And he was right. Within minutes the pain had almost completely subsided and I was feeling a bit dozy.

"I know you're going to want to sleep, Bella. But we need you to stay with us just a bit longer ok? Now do you remember anything?" I looked to him confused and tried to shake my head 'no'. What was I supposed to say? A monster attacked Shane and I? No…he'd never believe me. It was best to say nothing at all.

"Do you know who you are?" I furrowed my brow and nodded. Why wouldn't I know who I was?

"I-I'm B-Bella." I choked out and he nodded with a smile.

"Where do you live, Bella?" He asked and I slowly blinked and swallowed. It was easier to think now that the pain had been reduced.

"I live in…Forks." I told him and he smiled again, nodding.

"You do. But where else do you live?" He asked and I gave him a confused look. I've always lived in Forks…where else would I live? Oh. Right…

"Uh…Franklin." I muttered and he smiled once more.

"That's right. You're in Nashville General Hospital right now though, do you know why you're here?" He asked and I thought a moment.

My injuries must have been pretty extensive for them to transfer me from Franklin to Nashville Gen. I tried to move my limbs and look down to my body, but my limps were stiff and I was covered in blankets.

"Did I miss Christmas?" I asked and he sighed, though kept smiling.

"You did, but don't worry about that right now. If you can get some rest now then I'll let your family come back in to see you, ok?" He told me and I barely nodded before I was out again. Though this time…it was different. There was no dark place…no cocoon. There was no escaping pain or struggling to come to the surface. It was just sleep…filled with nightmares about monsters…giant wolf monsters.

* * *

><p>I opened my eyes and this time were met with identical brown ones. Isaac. His face broke into shock and his eyes filled with tears.<p>

"I almost didn't believe it." He whispered and I felt him squeeze my left hand and I tried to squeeze back. It was weak though…my whole body was.

"Dad, wake up. Bella's awake." He called over his shoulder and I saw Jaxon come into view, followed by my groggy dad. All three of them looked exhausted and afraid. I tried to find my voice.

"Believe what." I managed, still just as strained. Their faces twisted into relief at the sound. Isaac smiled to me.

"Believe that you were really awake…we all thought that…" But he didn't finish his sentence. I didn't ask either…I didn't want to think of it.

"How…h-how long have I been in h-here?" I asked and Isaac looked sad once more.

"Almost five weeks." He told me and I felt my eyes go wide.

"But you're here now Bella and everything is going to be ok." Jaxon told me. He must have seen the fear on my face.

"Sweetie, do you remember anything?" I looked to my dad and thought for a moment. Of course…the evil monster had been the center of my dream. But I didn't dare say anything. I simply shook my head.

"The…the paramedics said you told them it was a…a wolf." He pushed a bit farther and I remembered the short-lived conversation with the paramedic. I maintained silence and he forced a smile.

"Alright, well you don't need to worry about that right now. I'm going to go call your mom. She left about an hour ago but I'm sure she will want to come back." I only nodded and found Isaac's eyes again.

"You want anything, B? Water…ice…you hungry?" He asked and I was silent a moment more.

"Uh…water…would be nice." I told him. He nodded and left my side straight away. Jaxon came up to me and smiled.

"You gave us quite a scare there, Bella." He told me and I forced a smile.

"My bad." I told him and he chuckled, grabbing my hand. The warmth seemed to be a shock to me…but it stuck in my mind. The warmth…it was odd…wasn't it? I mean…who…who runs that warm? Not humans…that's for sure.

Vampires…they run cold. Right? Much colder than humans do. But Jaxon, he ran much warmer. He leaned over and kissed my forehead and the warmth spread to my face. Someone else runs warm…but who? Paul. He runs warm just like Jaxon. He didn't always though…not until…until after he disappeared.

Disappeared. Just like Shane had done.

Shane was…he was warm now too…he hadn't been before…but when I went to his house…he was warm too. And huge…and he was so…different.

He was…mean. And scary…he…he grabbed my wrists…I looked down and could see dark bruises on my left wrist, while the right remained wrapped.

Because it clawed me…right on my scar, I remembered. But…but why was it there? How did it get in the house…I'd forgotten that part. It wasn't in the yard…it got to me in the hallway…after I'd ran away from Shane.

He was so violent…and shook up. He wasn't Shane at all…

He was warm. And huge…and vicious. Like an animal.

Like a monster.

A wolf.

Shane was the wolf.

Shane…_was the wolf._

I thought for a moment that I'd gone completely insane. How could Shane be a wolf? How could he be a man one second…and a monster the next? But it was real. He was real…so was the…the monster.

He'd been so angry…he'd gotten so upset with me…and then he just…changed. Right there before my eyes. He became a giant wolf. And he'd hurt me.

Looking up at Jaxon now I saw the similarities. The warm skin, the growth spurt, the unexplained absences. They were one in the same.

And Paul…dear God…Paul. He…he was one too.

He'd just…disappeared…and he never told me why. But now I knew…he was a wolf…a monster.

They never told me.

I tried desperately to keep the realization and fear off my face as he watched me hesitantly.

"You ok, hun?" He asked and I found I couldn't reply. I could only stare.

"Bella? Hey…Bella. **Bella.**" He urged and I pulled my eyes away from him.

Jaxon…he wasn't a monster. Jaxon was my brother…my protector. He would never hurt me…**never.**

I immediately felt guilty. Jaxon was **not** a monster. And neither was Paul. I'd just seen Paul…after he became…different. And he was gentle and caring…but I had seen the differences.

He seemed…resolved. Like he knew he'd hurt me but not on purpose. He seemed…older…wiser. Like he'd been through some sort of change. Now I knew that was far too literal.

They were…wolves. How I didn't know…but they were. And they weren't monsters.

In my guilt I found realization. How would they have even began to explain it to me? I mean…how do you just tell someone…that you're suddenly another species. I never would have believed them. Or…or I would have been terrified.

Looking at Jaxon now though…why would I be afraid?

'_Because you've seen what they can do.'_ My mind echoed and I forced a smile to Isaac as he returned and handed me a cup of water. Yea ok…Shane hurt me.

But I remember his face. I remember that look…so afraid…so completely destroyed…

That face would never have done what the animal did. Never.

I listened to my brothers as they fell into small talk with me…trying to regain some level of normality. I would need to do some research…there has to be information out there somewhere on what they are…why they changed. I'd find it and understand them better before I said anything.

I smiled to Jaxon as he patted my ankle, sitting at the foot of my bad and I knew…he wasn't dangerous. He'd never hurt me.

He wasn't a monster.

* * *

><p><strong>There you go! Review and enjoy!<strong>

**Just a side note to readers that will not be pleased with her acceptance of their wolf halves, she just woke up. There will be a lot more to be said in later chapters, so just be patient.  
><strong>


	11. Time To Heal

**Chapter Eleven: Time To Heal**

* * *

><p><strong>Bella POV<strong>

"Well Bella, it's nice to see your bright brown eyes!" The doctor told me cheerfully as he walked into my hospital room. I was one of the "lucky" patients to have a private room. "Lucky" being a loose term for…I was in critical enough condition to warrant one, but now that I'm awake it's a total plus. I smiled to him and nodded.

"Thanks." I told him, unsure of what else to say. He looked through my file and I felt a hand grasp my own. Isaac. I gripped his hand weakly, still not at full strength. I waited, along with my dad and brothers, for the doctor to speak. I'd woken up yesterday and still no one has told me about my condition. I suppose it's not all their fault…I _did_ fall back asleep pretty quickly due to the morphine…but it is still nerve wracking.

"I suppose you're curious about what's going on. It's only fair to be honest…we were more than a little concerned for you, Bella. You gave us quite a scare. Coma for five weeks and two days…it was looking pretty bleak for a while. Today is February 1st, 2015. Is there anything you can tell us about what happened to you…how aware you've been…anything you can remember?" He asked and I was silent for a while thinking about my answer.

Oh yea doc. See, my boyfriend? Ex-boyfriend? Whatever we are…you see, he's this wolf man…thing…person…just like my brother and other ex-boyfriend and God knows who else. And I pissed him off enough for him to turn into a huge gigantic massive wolf and he attacked me. You know, the usual. Oh! And while I'm at it, my OTHER ex-boyfriend is a vampire!

Yea. That would go over well enough for me to be admitted to the psych ward.

I couldn't tell the truth.

"Bella?" The doctor asked, slightly concerned by my now ongoing silence. I looked to him and swallowed.

"I…I don't remember much." I told him and he nodded hesitantly.

"Do you remember talking to the paramedics who responded to your boyfriend's call?" He asked and I felt my gaze narrow.

"Boyfriend?" I asked and the doctor looked to my dad nervously.

"Yes, Bella. Remember? Shane is your boyfriend." My dad told me and I nodded slowly.

"I remember that…I just…I didn't know he called for an ambulance." I said, turning my gaze back to the doctor, who nodded.

"He did. Do you remember telling the paramedic about an animal attack?" He asked and I decided to play dumb.

"Animal attack?" I asked. The doctor reached for my glass of water, handing it to me at the sound of my hoarse voice. I haven't spoken in over a month…talk about gravel in your throat.

"Yes. You told the paramedic that you were arguing with your boyfriend and went outside, where you were attacked by a large wolf. Do you remember this at all?" I swallowed my water and Isaac took the cup from me, putting it back on the table. I thought for a moment and realized he wouldn't stop until I gave him something.

"Bits and pieces." I told him and he nodded, happy to finally be getting somewhere. He took out a pen and wrote something on my file.

"Ok, do you remember the fight with your boyfriend?" He asked and I simply nodded. "What was the fight about?" He asked and I thought carefully about my answer. If I at all gave away that Shane was like Jaxon…he'd know what happened…and there was no doubt in my mind. He'd kill Shane.

"We've been having a bit of trouble…I went there to break up with him." I told the doctor who narrowed his gaze.

"And…did this upset him at all?"

"Of course it did…he wanted to work things out." I told him and he wrote more things on my chart. He was silent for a few moments. "If you think he hurt me…" I began, but the doctor put his hand up and smiled.

"I'm not jumping to any conclusions, Bella, I just want a better sense of how you acquired your injuries. Plus I've seen the damage…there is no doubt in my mind that an animal did this." He told me and I relaxed a bit. As upset and freaked out as I am about this whole thing…I don't want anything to happen to Shane. Not yet…not until I figure this out.

I mean…I still have no idea how I feel about this. One second…the world makes sense. There are humans, and animals, and you know, UFO sightings and religion or whatever you believe in…and then…I'm being attacked by a vampire.

And then I'm dating a vampire.

And then I'm finally in a normal relationship…with a guy who turns out to moonlight as a wolf.

If that's not freaky enough, my brother does too! So…now I don't know where I stand.

With vampires…I've learned there are good ones, and bad ones. And even the good ones will rip your heart in two. And now…there are these human/wolf hybrids…and I'm a tattered mess because of them. I mean…I can't be a hypocrite. I accepted vampires…even after being attacked by one and now…what. I'm going to disown everyone I know to be a wolf? That's not fair…

I tried to move a bit and found it to be almost impossible. The doctor took notice and moved on from what I "remembered".

"Your injuries are fairly extensive. This…wolf…it got you pretty good. Your front and back were both torn into by the claws…there didn't appear to be any saliva on the torn skin or tissue…so it looks like it was an attack and not to feed. We had to do a skin graph from parts of your body that were not damaged because…well there simply wasn't enough skin left to simply stitch you back together. So there will be minor scarring on your legs, but with time they will fade out. The scarring will be predominantly on your torso, back and front. I won't lie, this scarring will be extensive. It will be tight and sensitive for a while but…in time it too will begin to act like normal skin again. We can prescribe certain creams to help minimize the scarring as much as possible but it will never disappear completely." I nodded, not wanting to think about it. I felt like…like there was only half of me left and I couldn't contain my tears. Isaac leaned over the side of my bed and put his head on my shoulder, rubbing my left arm.

"The right arm will be scarred as well, but not as severely. It seems you were scratched over top of an existing wound that you got from another animal attack, correct?" He asked and I looked to him confused. Another animal attack?

"I don't…" But I trailed off and the doctor nodded, looking at another file beneath the papers he was writing on.

"On July 21st, 2013, you were admitted here around 1:45am and treated for blood loss and a dog bite to your right wrist. Do you remember this?" He asked and I felt my family's eyes on me. I'd forgotten a dog bite was the cover story I'd used for the vampire attack when Edward brought me here.

"Uh…yea. I remember." I told him and my dad cleared his throat.

"And…why did we never hear about this?" He asked and I sighed, looking to him.

"It wasn't that bad…I didn't want to worry you." I told them and was met with silence. Apparently my recent state was enough to get a free pass for now. I looked back to the doctor.

"Bella you don't think these two attack are linked do you?" He asked and I shook my head slowly.

"No…the one was definitely just a dog…and this was…a lot larger." I told him and he nodded.

"Alright. So, tell me about the five weeks you were unconscious. Do you remember anything? Were you aware of your surroundings?" He asked and I nodded.

"A bit…occasionally. I'd hear someone talking or feel someone nearby…but it was too painful to be too aware." I told him and he looked at me curiously.

"Too painful?" He asked and I nodded.

"Yea…everytime I started to become too aware…the pain was unbearable." I told him and he cursed under his breath, looking frustrated.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I think…I think that was my fault. I was concerned about giving you ample doses of morphine in case it kept you unconscious. We arranged for a pain killer to be administered…but it would have been nowhere near what you would have needed had you been awake." It made sense…but it also explained why I wasn't able to come out of the coma. It was too painful to be awake.

"Everytime I felt like…like I could wake up it was like…passing out." I told him and he pinched the bridge of his nose with his finger and thumb, and nodded.

"Yea that sounds about right. It would have been far too painful for you to be awake in that state…I should have known." My dad stood up from his chair instantly.

"So you're telling me that the reason my daughter was in a coma for over a month was because you didn't give her enough _pain medication?_" Jaxon stood as well and put a hand on dad's shoulder, trying to calm him.

"It seems to be the most likely answer. I truly am sorry, it was honestly fifty-fifty. Morphine could have kept her in a comatose state even longer…we had no way to gauge a dosage…had we given her too much it could have had the same effects, keeping her unconscious. I just never thought of the pain keeping her in the coma." He confessed and my dad refused to back down.

"It's your job to think about that!" He raised his voice and I jumped, causing myself to groan in pain. Isaac ran his hand over my forehead and shushed me softly. Jaxon put his arm across dad's chest.

"Dad, you're scaring Bella. Look all that matters is that Bella is awake now." Jaxon said and I looked to my dad who shook his head, sitting down.

"That's not all that matters when you're told your daughter's chances of waking up lessen every day that she's out." He said bitterly and the doctor bowed his head.

"I understand your anger…and again, I am truly sorry. I'll give you all some time." He said and disappeared out the door, leaving me alone with my family.

"We're just lucky Bella found the strength to wake up, right?" Isaac said though Jaxon and my dad didn't share his enthusiasm.

"Yea but at what cost." Jaxon stated. "How much pain did she go through to finally snap out of it. You saw her when she first woke up. She could barely speak." He allowed a bit of anger to flow through but immediately reeled it in. I'd noticed a slight quiver in his appearance, but in an instant it was gone, replaced by my loving brother. It startled me.

If anger was the trigger for them…how could I ever feel safe at home knowing I'm just tip-toeing around Paul and Jaxon…my life dependent on never pissing them off. I closed my eyes at the thought. Isaac ran his hand up my arm again in a soothing manner.

"Bella, you'll get through this." He told me and I opened my eyes, tears beading up. I only stared, not one hundred percent sure I believed him.

How could I live in a world where I'm afraid of my own brother? How…how could we ever be the same? I looked to Isaac. He seemed so sure that things would be alright…and yet he had no idea. He wouldn't be alright if he knew…if he knew who really did this to me…and knew that our brother had more in common with my attacker than he could ever believe. Even I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't been inches from death because of one. Because of Shane…and the wolf.

"Bella!" My train of thought was cut off by my mom and Phil bursting into my room. Isaac pulled away and was replaced by my mom kissing my forehead and holding my cheeks in her hands.

"Bella, baby, I was so scared." She whispered as she began to cry and I couldn't keep my own tears from streaming down my cheeks. I was scared too…I haven't stopped being scared since December 24th. Since I realized Shane wasn't Shane anymore… ever since then my world has been turned into a scary place.

"Me too, mom." I choked out and she kissed my forehead again before pulling back and looking at me.

"You feeling ok, baby? You look exhausted." I nodded and sighed.

"I'm pretty weak…and I can't move much…but I'm better." I told her and she nodded.

"Did the doctor say how long you'll need to stay here?" She asked and I shook my head. He'd left before we could get to that but my dad cleared his throat.

"Doc said yesterday after she woke up that she'd be in here at least another few weeks just to make sure she's healing properly." I frowned at this and Isaac smiled.

"It's ok B. You won't be so sore the whole time…and sooner than you think you'll be able to get out of the bed." I tried to smile for him…but the most I could manage was not to frown.

"I know it sucks, sweetie. But we will be here as much as you need. You won't need to stay here alone." My mom told me and I sighed.

"No…you can't all stay." My mom started to protest but I shook my head.

"Mom…how much school has Isaac already missed by being here? Or dad and Jaxon's work? I mean…they can't stay here forever." My dad sighed.

"Bella, we can stay as long as you need us." He told me and I nodded.

"I know, dad…but I would feel a lot less guilty about it if you guys were able to get back to normal life. School…work…not just sitting around a stuffy hospital room." Isaac grabbed my hand again, but they allowed the conversation to end there.

"So, were you able to tell the doctor what happened?" My mom asked and I remained silent for a moment, before shaking my head.

"Nothing new…large animal…you know." I told her and she sighed.

"Yea how wild is that? Giant wolves…I wonder if it was just an abnormality…or if it's like a whole new species…they should really look into that." She told me and I noticed Jaxon scratch his neck uncomfortably. I could tell he'd already gotten a bit suspicious of the whole thing.

"Did you end up talking to Shane when you went there?" She asked changing the subject and I hesitantly nodded.

"A bit…but I have a feeling we will need to have another talk." I told her and she nodded.

"He's been calling every few days to check in on you. He's been so worried." She told me and I felt my anger swell. I know he looked completely destroyed…but that didn't mean I was going to just forget the person he became.

I looked to Jaxon briefly and couldn't help but wonder if he had the ability to be like that…become mean and vicious. It was so hard to imagine it…but I knew in my head I couldn't rule it out. I really wanted them to stay…but at the same time with them gone I could do some research once I become a bit more mobile. If I'm always surrounded…I'd never figure this out. And I need to keep it a secret at least for now. I mean…it's obvious why they would try to keep this such a guarded secret. How could we all just…just accept it? I wasn't sure I'd ever really believe Jaxon could be capable of such animalistic actions…

"Bella?" My mom asked and I refocused on her and saw that everyone was looking to me.

"Yes?" I asked and she smiled.

"Sweetie I asked if you were hungry." I thought for a moment and nodded.

"A bit…" She nodded and set off for the cafeteria with Phil, my dad and Isaac. Jaxon offered to stay behind with me and I couldn't help but notice that my heart monitor sped up a tad.

"You look like your adjusting well." He commented and I tried to shrug…but failed miserably. I sighed and pulled the oxygen tubes from my face and grumbled.

"Well you know…only so much you can do to be comfy in the hospital." I told him and he chuckled, coming to sit beside me and began playing with my hair. Before all of this…this type of thing was normal. And now…I'm kind of afraid.

"So…a wolf, huh?" He asked "nonchalantly". I knew he was fishing because it sounded too close to home…you know. Considering he's a huge fucking wolf.

"I guess so." I told him and he nodded.

"Was there anything else about it you could remember? You know…details of where it came from…where it went to…" I decided to forego the shrug this time and simply shake my head. He nodded, seeming to drop it for now…but I knew he was a bit suspicious…but the story wasn't unlikely. I mean…the woods were right there…as long as I keep the story straight (or play dumb) then I should be able to keep the secret safe.

"You alright, Bella? You seem really tense." He asked and I immediately felt guilty. The warmth of his skin bothered me now…before it was soothing and protective…and now? It only reminds me of his secret. His scary, unsettling, unbelievable secret. And my injuries. I sighed and tried to be happy. He's my brother and I love him…nothing will ever change that.

"Yea I'm just…I guess my nerves are just shot." I told him and he nodded, still playing with my hair. I tried to relax but I knew I didn't necessarily succeed. It would be a long transition period before I'm going to find comfort in his warmth again.

* * *

><p>I woke to a buzzing sound and looked around my room. I noticed it was now dark outside and that I was alone…I must have dozed off after they gave me more morphine. I looked for the source of the buzzing and saw my phone on the table beside me going off. I saw Paul's name and sighed, it wasn't easy to move around yet...but I reached for my cell groaning.<p>

"Hello?" I greeted and was met with silence.

"Look, it wasn't easy to reach my phone…so you better have something to say." I said exhausted. I heard him clear his throat on the other end and stammer through his words.

"B-Bella?" He asked and I yawned.

"In the flesh." I said, closing my eyes again. I was still pretty dozy after the morphine. I looked to the clock in the room and saw it was only 9pm but I'd probably been sleeping since 2pm. When my family left, I wasn't sure.

"How…um…are you…are you ok?" He asked, still stammering and I felt myself soften to his concern.

"I will be." I whispered honestly and could hear the emotion in his voice.

"I would have been there…I wanted to be. But we all decided it should be just your family…and I…I called every day to see how you were." We were both silent a moment before I heard him sniffle. "I almost didn't believe it when I called yesterday and they told me you had woken up." He whispered and I felt tears on my own cheeks.

"You weren't the only one…"I told him and we fell into a comfortable silence. I closed my eyes and just told myself I needed to feel safe again. I know what he is…and I know what he's capable of…but…it's Paul. He's…he _can't_ be a monster. He just can't be.

"Is your family still there?" He asked and I yawned again.

"Well they were…but I think I fell asleep after lunch and they all left. Probably to eat something other than this God awful hospital food." He chuckled and I felt my heart warm just a tad.

"How long do you have to stay there?"

"Well…they say at least a few more weeks. I haven't really gotten a look at the damage yet…it's kind of hard to move." I told him and he sniffled again and we fell into silence. After a few moments I yawned once more.

"You sleepy, Red?" He asked and I nodded.

"Yea…"

"You want me to let you go?" I thought about it a moment and shook my head.

"Would you talk me to sleep?" I asked and I'm sure he could hear the tears in my voice. I was just done with being strong for the moment. I needed to fell taken care of…if only for a moment.

Paul began telling me stories about work and family…just little day to day things. He never asked for a response and his voice was soft and soothing. It's been a while since his voice was the last thing I heard at night…and I knew I couldn't make a habit of it…but for tonight it was the only thing holding me together.

* * *

><p>I looked at my phone and saw February 24th fill the lock screen. I've been awake for a few weeks now…just over three. I've been told I should be able to go home at the beginning of March, which I am thankful for. I situated myself on the bed and lifted my laptop onto my lap. I've been doing a bit of therapy every day trying to ensure my skin doesn't scar too tightly. I need to be able to move. I remember when my grandma broke her hip, she was up and out of the bed within the week trying to ensure she didn't lose motion in it. It sounds scary…and it is.<p>

I've had the chance to look at the scarring when the nurses help me shower and change the bandages…but I haven't had the guts. Soon I won't need the bandages apparently…and then I'll have no choice.

My arm isn't in bandages anymore and it's fairly scarred, not that it wasn't already. Now to go with my halfmoon vampire bite, I have a wolf claw going through it…kind of chopping it in half. It wasn't as deep as the scars on my body I guess, but it's still meaty…and kind of bubbles out a bit. The doctor says I'm healing nicely…but some days it doesn't feel like it.

I haven't gotten a lot of time to look up what these…wolf hybrids are. My dad and brothers left about two weeks ago to go back to Forks…because I insisted, but my mom has been here every day…morning to night. I mean…it's not that I don't appreciate it…but I really needed to start looking for information. Over the last few days I'd collected quite a bit because I had told my mom I needed a bit of alone time before I'm released. She seemed sad but understood. Isaac told me he was afraid to leave in case…in case I was gone again. I felt horrible for that…but I think it was best for them to have faith that I'll be alright.

So far…I've found some very interesting things online. There are a few book stores I could have gone to for information…but I was kind of unable to leave the hospital.

From what I've read, it's a tribal thing that happens to native men of certain bloodlines. They are actually called werewolves…go figure. Vampires and werewolves. Actually…it seems that vampires are why the men in these tribes change…they are protectors of the villages they hail from and when vampires come within a close proximity of the tribe, the men go through what feels like an illness, their skin gets hot, they get moody…and then they transform into this…gigantic wolf. I remember Paul's mom telling me he was sick…and I shook my head. But it did explain the absences of Paul, Jaxon, and Shane.

Apparently these beings are protectors…but when they get too angry they can lose control and their wolf comes to the surface, but this is only common in newer wolves. Men that have been a wolf longer have better control over their phasing. If I think hard enough I can pinpoint certain instances where Jaxon has needed to take a moment, and then he seems fine. He's trying to stay in control.

All of the information that I've found is linked to the First Beach tribe back home, and I haven't found much on the tribes here, but only certain tribes in North America have the blood line necessary for this "honour" they called it. I wasn't sure how much of an honour it was…these guys have no say in their future.

I was angry. Paul…Shane…my brother…they have no choice in the matter…they must live with this burden their whole lives…they have to control this other half of themselves.

It hurt a little…that Jaxon never told us. I mean…I understand to an extent…it's a freakish thing to tell someone. But…I feel like as a family we would have figured it out. I can only imagine how he feels…thinking he can't tell his family this huge secret. I know the feeling…

I'm not totally innocent in this mess…I've kept a lot from my family. Edward…the whole…dated a vampire thing. And now I suppose I can add a werewolf to the mix too.

Come to think of it...when Paul disappeared…Jaxon told me to just be patient…to just give him time. He must have known what was happening…maybe they had planned to tell us? I couldn't be sure. I doubt Paul could have continued to date me and keep this a secret. I would hope he wouldn't have…

I wonder how many other werewolves there are in Forks. The Quileute tribe is highly susceptible to the gene…there could be a lot of them. The guys…Jake…Embry…Jared…Quil. I hope they've been spared…but come to think of it…they were all pretty large when I went home for Tuck's funeral. I sighed at the thought.

I also found information linked to tribal tattoos and someone called the Third Wife. It interested me because there was a legend about her saving her tribe from vampires, and yet she was a normal woman...with a courageous heart. There was a Quileute ballad linked to her as well and my goal for today was to try and translate it. I knew only a little of the language…growing up with the Quileute as friends you pick up on it here and there. It didn't take long to translate surprisingly…the internet is far too freakishly advanced.

_Just close your eyes / the sun is going down / you'll be alright / no one can hurt you now / come morning light / you and I'll be safe and sound_

I paused in shock at the words in the ballad. It was the same lullaby Sarah used to sing to Jake and I when we were just little, before she passed away. Whenever I'd spend the night there, she'd sing us the lullaby and kiss us goodnight. I never knew there was more to the song…

I looked to the fully translated version in front of me and I saved it in my files. I really wanted to do a cover of it…I had the melody from the chorus that Sarah would sing to us…I could elaborate on that and see what comes of it. Billy and Jake…they'd recognize it immediately. I know they'd love it.

I've spoken to my label since waking up, apparently they were really worried. I guess the story was leaked to a few magazines and now that I'm in the public eye more, it's been a story for a while based on how I've been doing. After I called my label there was another story that I'd finally woken up, but the dates were all wrong, the story wasn't accurate…welcome to public press.

I spoke to Mike and he told me to take as much time as I need because the album can wait. They want me to heal up before I come back to work, which takes a bit of pressure off me. I haven't been able to stop writing though.

I wrote a song about my comatose state and being able to hear and share the emotions my family went through during the five weeks I was unconscious. I want it to be a surprise for them so I would only write while they were asleep or gone to freshen up. It's fairly polished and I hope to have Joe look it over before we record it.

I'm fairly confident in finishing off the record…I'll have a lot of material to work with in the next month or so…I've found letting my emotions guide me works the best…and I won't have a lack of those.

I put my laptop aside and tossed my legs over the side of the bed. I needed to pee…and I'm sick of having to call a nurse in "just in case". I was no longer on a drip or IV, I just took pain pills as needed but I try not to take too many. I needed to prove to the doctors that I was well enough to go home soon. I felt the familiar tightening in my back and abdomen as I slowly stood up and I waited for the small amount of pain to pass, though the discomfort was never ending. It was to be expected though…I always hear about how "extensive" my injuries were…or how "lucky" I was. Yea. Sure. My sort of kind of technical werewolf boyfriend attacked me…and I'm so lucky I'm alright. Maybe physically…and that's even a stretch…but not mentally.

Yea he was going to tell me when I went over…and I honestly don't think I would have believed him without proof. But...now that I know what he is…why he disappeared…how could I ever look at him the same way knowing what he did…what he's able to do. I honestly don't see any other option than to break things off officially…and I'm even afraid to do that! I sighed as I finally reached the bathroom and did my business, washing my hands as I heard a nurse come into my room. I opened the bathroom door and she was surprised to see me up without someone.

"Now dear, you know to call us." I forced a smile and nodded.

"Yea but I'm feeling pretty good today. I really want to be confident in taking care of myself before I get out of here." She smiled.

"I know but still. You could have fallen or hurt yourself! Anyway. It's time to check those bandages. How is it feeling today?" She asked and I stood beside my bed and took my pajama top off, leaving me standing there in my sports bra and bandages…and pants of course. It was nice to make the transition from hospital gown to my own clothes…and to finally wear a bra again. I had minor scarring on my chest and it wasn't much but they were worried about me catching the new skin on my bra and tearing it. Once they were confident that my sports bra wouldn't rub the scarring and hurt me I was able to start wearing one. Not that the nurses hadn't already seen me naked…it's pretty humbling to have a stranger bathe you.

"It's a bit stiff…but the pain is a lot less. I only took one pain killer today around breakfast. I think I tossed a lot in my sleep." I told her and she nodded, peeling back the bandages. As always, I kept my head up, staring straight ahead of me. I'm not sure why I haven't looked yet…fear…nausea…disbelief maybe? I'd look one day…but I think I'm better off just knowing it's there for now.

"Well it looks good sweetie." She told me, running her hands along the scarring. It felt overly sensitive…like her hand would go right through the skin. It made me shiver.

"Dr. Mater really is a genius. He stitched you up really well…I think you'll find that the scars heal well." She told me and I forced another smile and nodded as she tossed the bandages in the garbage. They were clean though, I haven't had bloody bandages in a while. I wear them almost…like a security blanket. It's a "just in case" type of thing. The nurse smiled to me as I waited for her to put new ones on.

"I think we are going to try no bandages for today." She told me happily and my smile fell from my face.

"W-what?" I asked and she nodded happily, like it was good news. I shook my head.

"No…no I need something." I told her and she looked to me curiously. She nodded and asked me to wait a minute. I watched her walk to the hall and smile as she immediately found my doctor.

"Dr. she says she doesn't want to go without bandages." She told him as he came in the room. He nodded and smiled to me, looking at my scarring and running his hands over them to feel how they were healing.

"Well that's common." He began. "Some patients with extensive scarring feel like the skin is very sensitive…like wet paper." He told her and I nodded, tears welling in my eyes.

"I just…I need something to cover them…" I told him and he smiled once more and nodded, taking his attention from my injuries to my face.

"What we have for this in-between stage is like…a tensor band. It's much softer of course, and it has a Velcro strap instead of clips to protect the skin. You can just wrap the material around you as tight as you'd need it and it's not quite a bandage because it's reusable, and yet you don't feel unprotected. It has a bit of padding in it too just in case you bump into something, or accidently hit your injury." He told me and the nurse nodded, leaving the room. The doctor smiled to me.

"Now I know you're going home soon, and this wrap will be really nice for the time being, getting used to being mobile again, but I don't want you to be reliant on it. If you wear it forever, you will seriously limit the movement in your torso. But, once the skin is less sensitive, you can wean yourself off the wrap and move to a tensor, and then be confident enough to leave it as is." I watched as the nurse came back into the room with a black piece of material about a foot wide and long enough to wrap around me a few times. It was thin, but looked soft. The doctor took it from the nurse and began putting it around me. It wrapped around me three times and a strip of Velcro stuck to the material of the wrap, holding it in place. I hesitantly looked down and saw the black material beautifully covered any scarring and I ran my hands over the soft material carefully. It wrapped around enough to give it that padded feel the doctor had talked about and I smiled.

"That feels a lot better." I told him and he smiled too.

"I'm going to give you a few of these, that way you can toss them in the wash once they have been worn and that way you'll still feel protected." I nodded and thanked him again. He smiled and left the room just as my mom and Phil were coming into the room. They smiled seeing me up and about and my mom pointed to the wrap.

"That's new." She said and gave me a far too careful hug. She was terrified of hurting me…which I suppose I preferred over being too aggressive. I nodded, grabbing my pajama top, catching a chill.

"Yea…I've been upgraded from bandages to this protective wrap. It's a lot more comfortable." I told her and she smiled.

"So I have good news." She told me with a sneaky smile and I smiled too as I crawled back into my bed, pulling up the covers. She sat beside me on the bed and Phil came to sit in the chair beside me.

"Oh yea?" I asked and she grinned.

"Guess who's coming home Saturday!" She told me and I broke into a full grin.

"Really?!" I asked and she nodded.

"Yea! Before the nurse came out and pulled the doctor away we were chatting in the hall and he said if things keep up you'll be released on the 28th!" I clapped my hands together happily.

"Oh thank God!" I told her and she smiled, rubbing my leg.

"He said you only took one pill today?" She asked and I nodded.

"Yea I slept weird and woke up kind of sore but I've been good since and it should have worn off about an hour ago. I mean…there's a bit of pain but it goes away pretty quickly." I told her and she smiled.

"Well I'm just going to be happy to have you home." She told me and I nodded. She still seemed a bit sad, knowing the conversation my dad and I had had.

He was really shaken up by my accident considering we lost Tuck so recently, and he wanted to make sure I was still planning to move home once the album was fully recorded. I've been living in Tennessee for just over two years now and he missed having me at home…especially now that the house feels extra empty. I had told him I would book my flight home the second I finish the record and it eased his mind a bit...but he was still sad to head back home. My mom understood that I needed to go back to Forks…I mean…it's always been "home". Isaac and I would come here during the summer and we would always see mom and Phil for a bit at Christmas…but she knew where I wanted to be. Yes, it put a bit of strain on us…moms and daughters are supposed to be really close…and it's not that we aren't. But…I was a daddy's girl in my heart.

My dad and I didn't talk about it…but it was always there. Some people think I'm the odd one out because I'm the only girl but…my dad had been so happy to have me. My mom had told me he hadn't always wanted a little girl, he had a son and really wanted another but when he got me, she said you could just see pure joy in his brown eyes…the eyes that Isaac and I now share. He loved my brothers, don't get me wrong. He loves them more than life itself. He was just…he had a soft spot for me…used to call me his princess. His tom-boy princess.

I had felt his love so clearly when I was in the coma. My dad's raw emotion at the thought of losing me…the look on his face when he saw me awake in my room…I felt the tears in my eyes at the thought.

"Awe, baby, what's the matter?" My mom asked and I shrugged.

"I miss the guys and dad. I've been so busy the last two years that I haven't spent much quality time with them and I just…I'm just going to rest easier being back with them. It's hard to feel better without Isaac." I told her and she nodded. She understood…not only was Forks my home but I've been away from my twin for so long…

He wasn't easily torn from my side while he was here unless I needed something, otherwise he stayed beside my bed or even on it, once I was feeling a bit more mobile. He calls me everyday to chat and I can hear it in his voice that he hates me being so far away.

"So have you spoken to the label about work?" Phil asked and I nodded.

"Not recently…but they said to take as much time as I need. Honestly though I think I'll feel a lot better just getting right back into it once I'm out. I won't work late hours but I'll just feel better being back in the studio and writing with Joe." My mom gave Phil a look and I sighed.

"Guys…I don't have a physically strenuous job. It's literally sitting down in a comfy chair or on a stool…and I'm sure if I asked for a comfy chair in the studio they'd give me one." I told her and she didn't argue with me.

"Have you spoken to Shane lately?" She asked and I shook my head, warranting an odd look from her. Right. He should be worried sick and calling me daily…you know. Unless he's the reason I'm in this mess.

"Well…I mean I've asked him to just…give me some time. I was going to break things off, right? I don't think I'm ready to have that discussion yet." I told her and she nodded.

"So you're still thinking of breaking up with him?" She asked and I shrugged.

"I don't know…I mean I was going to end it officially because he'd just disappeared…but I don't know now. I need to think it through." She nodded and smiled warmly, not needing more explanation, which I appreciated. I really did think I needed to end it…I don't think I could let him touch me again…but…it's been hard lately to hate him.

I think about Paul…or Jaxon…even Jake. They have hearts of gold…they'd _never_ hurt another person like that…they would be crushed if they did.

I think about Shane's face...once he was human again…he had fallen apart. My Shane never would have treated me that way…it was the wolf. He was new to the whole thing…it wasn't really his fault…but…that just wasn't enough to save us.

"Honey?" I looked to my mom and she seemed concerned. "Baby you seem distracted." She said and I rubbed my forehead.

"Sorry…just a lot happening up here." I told her as I pointed to my head and she nodded, looking to Phil.

"You want to grab something to eat?" She asked and I forced a smile, shaking my head.

"No, I'm not very hungry." She nodded and gave me a kiss on the head and they disappeared out of my room. They'd go grab food and come back here for a few hours but I just wasn't in the mood.

I'd gotten quite skinny in the last few months. No one seemed to give me a hard time about it…I mean…I was in a coma for quite a while. And now that I'm awake it kind of hurts to get too bloated…so I really watch what I eat. Of course…my family watched me slowly lose the weight…but if Claire or Leah could see me now they'd probably find it to be quite the shock.

I sighed and rubbed my cheek. My cheeks were a bit sunken, my bones stuck out quite a bit. My eyes still had dark circles around them. It sounds bad…but I actually look better than I did when I woke up. The circles have faded to a light grey…I'm just quite pale now…coma will do that to you. I'll patch up eventually…I'll put on weight and be less…you know. Sad looking.

I try not to seem too down…after all…I'm lucky to be alive. But…life is just really different now. And it wears on you.

I feel like my mood is all over the place…I'm good then I'm not…I'm angry then sad then I just feel…exhausted.

I just need to take it one day at a time and give myself time to heal...physically and mentally.

* * *

><p><strong>There you go guys! Enjoy!<strong>

**Song: Safe and Sound - Taylor Swift**


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